What Changes In A Relationship After Kids?

Summary

U Up? Podcast Summary
Episode Title: What Changes In A Relationship After Kids?
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: April 1, 2026

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Overview

This episode marks Jordana's much-anticipated return from maternity leave, with both hosts catching up on significant life changes. The central theme is how relationships, especially marriages, evolve after having children. Jordana—now a parent to two “twisters” (her term for her closely born daughters)—shares personal experiences navigating motherhood, partnership, and what she wishes she’d considered about her partner before kids. Jared discusses his own romantic developments, and the duo field listener questions about dating, partnership dynamics, family adjustments, and modern etiquette in relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jordana’s Return & Adjusting to Life with Kids

• Warm Welcome: The episode opens with banter and excitement about Jordana’s return to the show after three months (03:29).
• Motherhood Updates: Jordana shares candidly about raising Lucy and Charlie, noting that every day brings small new developments, but the day-to-day is often "they're just sitting there…eating" (04:01).
• Surreal Adjustment: "Do you ever have a day where you look in the mirror and you're like, you're a mom?" Jared asks. Jordana admits, “Yeah, it's like kind of every. Every day” (04:15).
• Two Under Two: Having two kids (born three weeks apart) feels like she has much more parental experience than she actually does (04:20).
• The Term “Twisters”: Listeners suggest—and both hosts prefer—the term “twisters” (twisters) over "twiblings" for her daughters (08:16).

2. Relationship Dynamics After Kids

• The Importance of Compatibility: Jordana reflects, "I think it's…a great quality to have in this person...we're not party animals...we kind of like being home. I think that's very helpful now because you spend a lot of time at home" (06:36).
• Mike as a Partner: She emphasizes Mike’s more scheduled, organized approach: "He's very much like, things should be done the way they're supposed to be done" (10:28).
• Couples Counseling: Before the babies arrived, they did two sessions with a couples therapist to clarify boundaries, support needs, and logistics, at the suggestion of Mike’s therapist (12:16).
  • “It was nice to have a space with a...an objective person to air... ‘when are your parents…gonna come over?’ or ‘I want to decompress after this’” (13:28).
  • Small disagreements are mostly around in-law visits, handling help, and advocating for each other's needs in the hospital (15:26, 17:19).
• Team Approach: Having been through fertility struggles and preparations, Jordana appreciates a robust support system: "I do feel very well supported, which has made the whole process, like, more pleasant for both of us" (11:17).
• Parenthood as Partnership: “It becomes, like you said, a little bit more like a business than it does two people just having a great time all the time...can you be with them…and they don't annoy you?” (19:25).

3. Listener Q&A: Relationship Changes Post-Kids

• Marriage Evolution: On adjustment: “It becomes…a business...We have a good time…but it’s so important to be with someone who you can…just be around a lot” (19:25).
• New Insights: Mike is stepping up to “cheesy dad stuff”—Valentine’s Day, holidays, doctor’s visits—as Jordana is surprised by her own excitement for those things too (20:13).
• Being a "Good Dad": Fun moment: “I hate when people say they're a great dad in the first year.” (Jared, 20:30), with both agreeing the bar feels low in early infancy.
• Time Off & FOMO: Jordana confesses to fears about irrelevance and being “Tom Brady-ed” out of her podcast seat during maternity leave (21:21).

4. Looking Ahead: Generational Change in Dating

• Gen Beta Kids: Children born in 2026 are part of Gen Beta, not Gen Alpha (22:37).
• Future of Dating: There's speculation about the lasting role of dating apps and the impact of technology on connection, with hopes kids still prioritize real-life interactions (22:57).

5. Pet Dynamics and Expanded Family

• Dog Adjustments: Family dog Ronnie is coping with being neutered and the arrival of two infants: “He’s had some adjustment issues… he’s either the best or the worst, depending on the minute” (23:21).
• Emotional Connection: Jordana notes Ronnie feels more devoted to her than her babies currently do, which helps her ego during postpartum ("He’s giving you something back…At this age, they don't really…know the difference between me and anyone else, really,” 24:31).

6. Jared’s Relationship Update

• Reunion Romance: Jared reveals he's in a new relationship, but with someone from his past—Emily (27:13).
• How They Met: They met at Jared's comedy show 3.5 years ago, initially connected on Hinge, but timing wasn’t right; after a 2.5 year break with low-key Instagram “lurking,” she reached out for coffee when he was in her city (29:53, 32:01).
• Rekindling & Vulnerability: Their reunion was unexpectedly emotional for Jared: "I had this, like, kind of breakdown...never, like crying, tears, all this stuff... just about how much I'd thought about her" (36:35).
• Growth & Reassurance: At 41, he feels more prepared to be a good partner now: “At 41, I should be a good partner, you know, or better than I would have been at 31…there’s lessons I’ve learned” (39:30). He’s intentional about giving her reassurance this time around (40:28).
• Memorable Quote: "This is an easy breezy, beautiful Covergirl date. Drinks, hit the 22% and let's move on" (78:04).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Being Homebodies:
  Jordana: “We’re not party animals...we kind of like being home. And I think that’s very helpful now because you spend a lot of time at home.” (06:36)
• On Couples Therapy:
  Jordana: “It was nice to kind of have a space with an objective person...to air something like, oh, when are your parents gonna come over?” (13:28)
• On Rearranged Partnerships Post-Children:
  Jared: "It goes from I’m not your mom to I’m your business partner, with these two investments we've made." (19:01)
• On Fears During Maternity Leave:
  Jordana: “There was a fear…of becoming obsolete. I didn’t want to be Tom Brady out of here.” (21:21)
• On Red Flag/Deal Breaker – Cat Emergency:
  Jared: "I don't give a shit about Gigi the cat. But if I were texting, I'd say, 'Happy to hear Gigi's okay.'" (61:15)
• On Red Flag/Deal Breaker – Cheap Date:
  Jared: "He sacrificed – he wouldn’t pay $3 to impress you. That's what he's saying." (78:35)
• On Rekindling His Relationship:
  Jared: "It just kind of was like a rush over my body of calmness and feeling excited..." (36:04)

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Segment Timestamps

• Jordana’s Return & Baby Update: 02:49–10:52
• How Relationship Changed After Kids: 10:53–15:53
• Couples Therapy Before Baby: 12:08–13:49
• Q&A: How Marriage Evolves with Kids: 19:19–21:00
• Jared’s Relationship Story: 27:06–43:00
• Red Flag/Deal Breaker: Cat Emergency: 56:07–63:40
• Red Flag/Deal Breaker: Tipping Ethics: 70:27–79:00

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Tone & Style

• Conversational & Candid: The hosts are honest about relationship fears, insecurities, and new realities, blending humor with real advice.
• Self-Deprecating: Both share embarrassing moments–from underwear in jeans to paranoia about co-host replacements.
• Warm and Relatable: The podcast feels like a safe, supportive chat among friends dealing with real-life adulting challenges.

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Summary & Takeaways

• Children fundamentally shift the couple dynamic from simply “having fun” to running a household, requiring more pragmatic compatibility and effort.
• Preparing for parenthood as a team—through therapy, open discussions, and logistical support—can smooth difficult transitions.
• Returning to work or social life after a big change (like maternity leave) brings anxieties about relevancy, but real connection and teamwork prevail.
• Rekindling relationships after personal growth is possible and can be deeply rewarding if both partners approach it with honesty and readiness.
• Everyday etiquette in dating—from how much attention a pet deserves to how much you tip on a first date—reveals much about compatibility and value systems.

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For Listeners:

If you’re navigating relationship changes, dating after setbacks, or just laughing through the chaos of modern adulthood, this episode delivers both comfort and cutting insight—classic U Up?

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Notable Listener Moment:
Challenge issued: If the podcast’s YouTube hits 25,000 subscribers by April 26th, Jared will babysit Jordana’s twins for a night—on camera. (25:34)

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Connect & Participate:

• For bonus content & early release: subscribe.betches.com
• Follow along & join the conversation: @u.up.podcast on Instagram
• Watch on YouTube: youtube.com/betches

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by HBO Max. If you thought HBO's euphoria was intense in high school, saddle up. Starring Zendaya Sydney Sweeney and Jacob Elordi. Season three of Euphoria picks up five years later and life looks very different. Now these characters are on their own with the freedom to make choices that can build them or break them. No matter what they're chasing, money, fame, power, love or redemption, no one can escape their fate. Don't miss the third season of Euphoria, starring two time Emmy winners and premiering April 12th on HBO and HBO Max. With new episodes every Sunday.

[B]

Welcome back. Ada you dream dreams of having a baby? Welcome. Welcome back.

[A]

I got the full singing praise.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

What a treat.

[B]

Jordana. That's sort of Jared's seat now.

[A]

Keep Anthony.

[B]

I relent the skinny Chad to you.

[A]

Wow, what a treat.

[B]

How you feeling? How the babies? How's Ronnie? How's Mike?

[A]

How's everyone?

[B]

How's everyone?

[A]

Everyone's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah. You gotta wait for the podcast. All right. We gotta wait. Don't talk to me.

[A]

Hello and welcome back to the UW podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[B]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. Welcome back.

[A]

I'm back.

[B]

You're here.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God. Holy.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Oh, my Amazing.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Wow. I thought it was gonna be way quieter than that.

[A]

I. It.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That was shock. I like the. You guys like looking at each other and then you just did it. I was very impressed.

[B]

Oh, my God. I were. I almost had a heart attack.

[A]

You guys are a well oiled machine over here.

[B]

I took my cholesterol medication today. That was crazy. Oh, my God.

[A]

Wow. I feel very welcomed. Thank you.

[B]

Welcome. Do, do, do, do.

[A]

Yeah, I walked in, I got like a. I got a standing like ovation and a. And everyone was clapping. It was amazing.

[B]

We're excited. Excited you're here. I know the listenership, they've been begging. They say, get rid of these loser guests. We hate them all.

[A]

I feel like I read the comments. I feel like they've been hit or miss. Some people, sometimes people are like, are really into them.

[B]

There it goes both ways. It definitely, you know, again. Well, I don't know.

[A]

Some people are like, like, stay away, Joanna.

[B]

Right? There's some people. Well, it. It is like an emotional roller coaster, you know, some weeks and for me, you know, having to tend to this ship. Captain alone.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I feel like a single mother.

[A]

Does it feel just like, kind of like J Train.

[B]

No, it did for a minute, but it also felt like I, you know, I don't want. My biggest fear is like everyone's like, oh, we're gone. You know, Jordana's gone. It's over. Jump the shark. And you're like, no, we're still here. We're still, of course, doing our dating. Well, with this segment before, you know, we're gonna make some money off of this comeback.

[A]

We gotta get into that.

[B]

We gotta make. That's why I'm here back, you know, listen, you're here to make the dough. Our next segment is something new and different. Spons by season three of Euphoria on HBO Max. We wanted to do something big for their big comeback. It's been five years since the events of season two and the stakes have never been higher. So it got us thinking. We hear a lot of stories on this show from people in messy, complex and surprising situations, but we don't always get a follow up. Like any good cliffhanger. It's hard not to wonder, but what happened next? So this segment is. What are you up to? And we're going to give updates on our lives. We are.

[A]

You're going to hear from. It's something we usually reserve for the subscribers. Now you guys are going to get everyone. One gets an update.

[B]

That's right. So it's been three months, which is like crazy. Like, I haven't gone three months without seeing you in eight years.

[A]

I know. It's crazy.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Yeah. And I don't, I've. For me, I've never missed an episode of this show before this. So it's been weird.

[B]

It's been. How do you feel? How do you. How did it. Okay, so, yeah, the babies are healthy and doing well. We want to check it on the babies.

[A]

Lucy and Charlie, the babies are wonderful. They're, they're just great. I mean, they don't do that much,

[B]

but they're great just sitting there.

[A]

Yeah, they're sitting there, they're eating. They're, you know, they. But every day they do like a little something new. So that's fun. Like they're starting to like smile and laugh and all that.

[B]

Do you ever have a day where you look in the mirror and you're like, you're a mom. Like, do you ever.

[A]

Yeah, it's like kind of every. Every day.

[B]

Every day, yeah. Oh, my God. I'm in charge.

[A]

It feels very surreal and also like zero to two feels like I have two kids. That feels like I've been doing it for a while, but I haven't.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So that's kind of the weird thing.

[B]

Two children.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

In that huge house, enough room for 10.

[A]

Oh, my God. And you have your hat on.

[B]

I got my hat. So if you're watching on YouTube, Uncle J train is in the building. That's right. Uncle J Train.

[A]

Okay, I have a question for you. Did your brother say anything about the hat? Was he like, what about my kids? Future kids?

[B]

Well, now I have the hat for when.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

His kids arrive. You've already trained to a lot of kids.

[A]

Okay. It's not just.

[B]

Let's not just. Let's not take it.

[A]

Oh, it wasn't. I thought it was like a special for you.

[B]

I got the hat.

[A]

Okay. Who else are you? How many?

[B]

There's a lot of Uncle J Train.

[A]

You know, you have a lot of children that call you that. Does anyone actually call you that? Any children?

[B]

They don't.

[A]

They.

[B]

There's a couple where the parents are trying to push it on them, but they, you know, they're not confident enough. They're not, like, you know, like, adult enough to be like, Uncle J Train. Like, it's not like that. And I'm not around enough.

[A]

It's all right. I'm like, you'd have to, like, take them somewhere. Yeah, right.

[B]

I'd have to really be a part of their lives. I think. I think right now they're probably not sure of my name, so they're like. Like, they would do it how I do it. That's my uncle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, it's a little much for the amount I'm around, but to your kids, I'm Uncle J Train.

[A]

This is.

[B]

We're going to make sure we put. Make them do this from day one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So how's Mike as a dad? How's you and Mike? Well, let's get into the relationship.

[A]

Yes, let's do.

[B]

You guys doing well?

[A]

Yeah, we're. We're doing great. We're very well supported.

[B]

My extension to that question is, is there something you wish you would have looked for in the dating process that would have informed you for or you're happy worked out? You know, like. Yeah, you can't really do that when you're dating. You're not like, you kind of like, oh, they think they'd be a good father. They're responsible. But is there anything specific that you. You go, oh, thank God this worked out with Mike.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's. There's a lot of that I think. And I don't know if I necessarily was looking for it at the time when I met him, when I was like, 27, but. But now I'm looking back and I'm like, this is. This is a great quality to have in this person. I mean, neither of us are big. Are, like, huge going out. Super.

[B]

You're not party animals.

[A]

We're not party animals. We're not like.

[B]

I mean, we.

[A]

We. We have our moments, but, like, we're cool. We're cool. Yeah, we're cool. We, like, do shit. No, but we don't even, like, really, like, we kind of like being home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that's very helpful now because you spend a lot of time at home.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So that's been. Been nice. Like, he's not like, oh, I need to go drinking with my friends, or I need to, like, get out of here. I need to do any of that besides, you know, trying to run the marathon.

[B]

Is he still running the marathon?

[A]

No, he got rejected, which was great.

[B]

You know, he said that so easily.

[A]

Yeah. It's like a lottery.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

You don't have to, like, qualify. He just like.

[B]

They didn't have like a looks competition.

[A]

No, it's not, like, personal. That's why I don't feel bad just saying it like that.

[B]

I was like.

[A]

Yeah, no, you just like a lot of apparent. Apparently, like, they take a very small percent of people over the New York City Marathon.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's a. I wouldn't know anything about it.

[B]

You wouldn't think it based on going to watch it seems like they let any.

[A]

I think they do.

[B]

It's like barnyard animal into that race.

[A]

It's like, random, but you can. There's ways to get, like, to get in. I think if you've done it before, there's a whole bunch of stuff. But if you're just like a. Any. Just any random person applying, there's like a pretty small chance that you get accepted. So he was rejected. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't.

[B]

You're doing a little fist pump.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But you know what's funny? I feel like he's been trying to get healthier, which is interesting.

[B]

Okay, well, he's got something to live for now.

[A]

Now he's got something. Not me.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah, you.

[B]

You know, whatever.

[A]

But it does take a lot of energy.

[B]

He dies just dating you. He's like, tragic, fun, sexy tale. Yes. With two twins. Twiblings.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I saw Twisters. Twisters.

[A]

Yes. Some of that was in mind. Someone who. Someone did a question box. Someone said, have you thought about calling them twisters? And I was like, I love that.

[B]

I love twisters so much more than twibbling.

[A]

Same.

[B]

It is.

[A]

It's really fun.

[B]

I'm mad I'm not wearing a, you know, Uncle Twister hat right now. Like, that was a missed opportunity. Yeah. Because if you're. Listen, if you're new to the show, I don't know, we like to like, keep people updated.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Jordana has, has, has twin. Ish. You know, Twisters, which is one baby with a. A surrogate then had a baby on her own afterwards.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you have these.

[A]

So they're three weeks apart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But. So they're not technically twins. They're technically sisters, but they're twin esque, man.

[B]

They have a great fun fact. Fun fact. And it's built in. They never have to worry about a fun fact.

[A]

That's true. It's really one of the greatest gifts you could give someone.

[B]

Absolutely. Can you. How many times in my life they go, and you're going to say one thing about yourself that is fun and

[A]

interesting and new and what did you say?

[B]

I have no hobbies. I have one like an inch and a half longer than the other.

[A]

You would say that. Like it, like in the Icebreakers, as they say.

[B]

As I got older, that was my fun fact. Or I had a dog that was a model. Okay.

[A]

And named Stoli.

[B]

Same stole.

[A]

Yeah. A dog that was a model. That's funny.

[B]

A model dog.

[A]

Mine was always like, I again, I. I was like, oh, I have eight siblings. That was always. That's an easy one, too.

[B]

That's great. Yeah. What a. What a. Like. But it would be like a dark thing where you're like, do I have anything that makes me interesting? Right. Like whenever they first ask it, you go, oh, my God, I have nothing. I'm a loser. I'm just like everyone else, you know, like.

[A]

Yeah. Especially when you're like eight.

[B]

Yeah. Right. Lucy and Charlie are all set.

[A]

They're all set. It made them interesting before they even were born.

[B]

Great work. Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

So, okay, so you and Mike are doing well. You're happy that he doesn't go out and you guys are homebodies. That kind of like fits the first couple years of a baby thing.

[A]

Yeah. And he's also like a little bit. I always say he's like a little bit of a square.

[B]

Okay. Not how I would describe Mike.

[A]

I mean, I say it to his face. It's like, he's. But it's like a good. That's a good thing.

[B]

Now I'm buying him a hat. The square.

[A]

This. I mean, I'm like, a little bit more, you know, a little type B, a little bit more like, less rules based. He's a little bit more like, he's on the schedule. He's very much like, things should be done the way they're supposed to be done.

[B]

Jordan is just sitting outside. We go to the house. She's sitting outside, leg up on the. On the wall, smoking a cigarette. Hey, mama. Fuck off. No mama here.

[A]

Yeah, that's basically how. That's how the whole thing works, for sure. But, yeah, I think. Yeah, we've been getting along very well. But I also think it's. It's funny, like, one of. Obviously, it's not a secret. It took me a while to get to this point. Like, I had a lot of issues, like, having the babies, but one of the silver linings of that is that I was able to, like, set myself up for this period of time where I was very well supported. So I've had, you know, a therapist, a psychiatrist, the baby nurse. Like, just the house all done. Like, it's a full team. Yes. It's been very, like, I've had time to prepare both financially and, like, emotionally. So I do feel very well supported, which has made the whole process, like, more pleasant for both of us.

[B]

It's an interesting thing, you know, like, the. You know, if you're two young kids running around with your heads cut off, it's a little different than we've been preparing. The nest has been laid. You know, us as a couple, we've had trials and tribulations together that, like, I would think, you know, the. The. The issues that came with having. Trying to have a kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You've dealt with each other in ways that, like, oh, the diaper needs to be changed. Is, like, small for sure.

[A]

And we've done. Yeah, and we did. We did a couple of, like, couples therapy sessions to sort of align before they were born.

[B]

Okay. Really?

[A]

Yeah. And it was helpful. We, like, talked about everything from, like, the actual birth, like, what we needed from each other to, like, the first few weeks after. So I would recommend that we just.

[B]

How is that brought up? Is that brought up as, like, you know, we need this, or is that brought up as, like, this would be a fun thing to, like, get us ready? Like, I'm trying to think of, like, how is that sold to one another?

[A]

I was something that was Recommended by his therapist.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So his therapist was like, hey, you know, you guys are about to have a baby. It would be good to, like, get on the same page.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Going into this, to align on, like,

[A]

what, you know, anything that you're worried might come up or, like, any, you know, boundaries or anything that you want. That you want from that person as you're going through labor in the first weeks after. Because it's supposed to. It can be a very, like, emotionally intense time.

[B]

How many sessions?

[A]

Two.

[B]

So is it like a package? Like, is that like, something they do? Are they like, hey, it's your pre. That'd be a great thing for a psychologist listening. Like, hey, couples therapist.

[A]

Prenatal package.

[B]

Prenatal pack. Yeah. Right.

[A]

Yeah. No, I think it was kind of like, let's see how the first one goes. And then if there's anything that we, like, feel like we didn't cover, let's do another one.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

And that was. And yeah, really, it was. I think it was nice to kind of have a space with, like, a. An objective person to air something like, oh, like, what are our. Like, like, when are your. Your parents are gonna. Are gonna come over? Or, like. Or like, anything you're worried that, you know, I want to make sure I have my space. They have all these people coming in and out.

[B]

Are they. Sorry to interrupt, but I guess I'm gonna. I'm gonna ask questions that maybe the audience would have. Are they giving you hypotheticals? Are they like, parent. You know, you got the baby. Parents want to come over. It's 2pm on a Sunday.

[A]

Right.

[B]

How do we both feel about this? Is that kind of how it's kind of brought up? And then you both give your answer on a page and then you compare notes.

[A]

I'm trying to remember. No, it's more of just like an open discussion, I think, facilitated by someone who also knows exactly. Like, who knows almost more than we do.

[B]

Right.

[A]

About what the experience is like in those first few weeks and months after.

[B]

I guess it would be important that. That marriage counselor has children. Yeah, that's got to be a big part because. So that they know what to ask, what pressure points to.

[A]

Like, I would say, I would assume either has themsel or has done. Has enough experience talking to people who have it that they know, like, the expectations.

[B]

Okay, this is great. This is, I'm sure, for anyone who's pregnant, great idea.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it's worth relationship that you found value in it.

[A]

I found value in it. I just think it's nice to like have a facilitated time and space to like talk about those things. And it, I mean, we were on the same page about a lot of stuff. It didn't like fully like, transform our whole relationship, but it was nice to have an opportunity to talk about, like, what do we want? I told you, like, we have different feelings about like child care and health care things like, and caregiving and that. Just like an easy open space to kind of talk through anything where you might have different views and kind of come together in the same way.

[B]

Where did you guys differentiate the most during these sessions? What's one thing you guys disagreed on in those meetings?

[A]

I wouldn't say we disagreed on anything. I think it was more like maybe the other person hadn't thought of it where I'm like, even like something small like when we were coming back from. From picking up from getting Charlie, like from the airport, we were getting like picked up by his parents and they were like taking us back to our house and they'd been watching like our dog. It was kind of like on that day I was like, I'd like to go home and like, not be entertaining.

[B]

Right. Just like, don't want your parents over

[A]

or like. Or like if they're being very help, you know what I mean? Like if they're being very helpful. It's not even I don't want them over, but it's like I want to like decompress after this whole.

[B]

Right. I don't want to have to raise my eyebrows, which is a thing like, right. Like your parents come over. I don't have to go. I don't want to say please and thank you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like even as small kind of.

[A]

Yes, we're like. Or like they can. You. You and your parents can watch the baby. I would like to go nap without feeling rude. It's funny, we were thinking about the love is blind thing with the napping. I was thinking about that a lot.

[B]

Right. Well, you got ahead of it.

[A]

It. Yeah, but then they were. It was great. They're very helpful. The three of them watched the baby. I went to go nap, but I didn't want to have to feel like I was being rude. They're like doing something and then I'm

[B]

politeness out the door and. And again, with family you don't have to be as polite, but with in laws there is some measure of, you know, courtesy to them for sure.

[A]

Especially when they're like meeting their grandchild for the first time, totally picking you. They're doing you a favor. They're picking you up from the airport. They're, you know, watching your dog. I don't want to be like, all right, bye, bye, guys. I'm like, out of here.

[B]

Right. You also don't want to get in the car from the airport and you're, you know, your mother in law is like, let me see that, baby. You're like, get out of here, wrinkles. Don't touch her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to set the tone exactly.

[A]

It's kind of like all small stuff that sort of has to do with. With like that kind of thing. Like, what do you see?

[B]

This agreement is more like I'm just letting you know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

A feeling that would be tough to let you know in that moment.

[A]

Right. For sure. And I think like, there was other little things like, oh, I was like, oh, in the hospital room, like, if I want you to like, go ask the nurse for something, I know he like, hates asking for things. He hates, like, being like, at all confrontational. And I wasn't like, I want you to scream at all the nurses for me. But I was like, I was kind of like, if I need something, I need you to like, put. If I want to push back on something, I need you to like, back me. And also like, be more. Be like more aggressive than is your

[B]

right generally how you would be your default. Yeah, I need a little bit more. I need you to be a little bit of a warrior for me. I need you to go. To go to battle me a little bit.

[A]

Yes. If something comes up, I like, want to know because I know he hates doing that. Just that like, if I need it to be done that he will just get over it and do it.

[B]

Did he have a note? What was his notes for you?

[A]

What was his notes for me? I'm perfect.

[B]

Yeah. Other than. Other than keep doing what you're doing, kid. It's got to be tough for him. You're with like a pregnant woman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're like, well, here's a few things I've had on my mind. And you're like, what? You know, like, I don't know. It's just maybe I'm going by the sitcom, you know, hack, you know, view of pregnant woman. But you're like. Like every sitcom had the woman, like, crushing the guy's hand, you know, like breaking his hand during the delivery. You can't ask anything. You got to walk on eggshells.

[A]

Well, he's like, can I run the marathon? I'd like to take care of my heart.

[B]

Yes. No, you're Gonna die right away.

[A]

But it is funny. Like, we have. We have. We have shifted into a couple where, like, he's like. Like, do you mind if I go for a run? And part of me is like, you don't have to ask me. Like, I'm not your, like, mom.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But part of me is like, oh, it's nice that you asked, because I might actually. You might not be allowed to go for a run.

[B]

Right. Well, things have. It's not that you. I guess it goes from I'm not your mom to I'm your business partner.

[A]

Right.

[B]

With these two investments we've made.

[A]

That's a great way to look at it. Look at it like you're. You're putting in for your pto, Right?

[B]

So I do have questions from the audience.

[A]

Let's hear it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

How has marriage evolved since becoming a family of four, but actually, you're a family of five. Let's not forget Ronnie.

[A]

Can't forget Ronnie. No, it becomes, like you said, a little bit more like a business than it does two people just, like, having a great time all the time. We have a good time. And that's why I think it's so important to be with someone who you can kind of, like, just be around a lot.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Just, like, do they not, like, can you be with them, like, all the time and they don't annoy you? It's almost the lowest common denominator of, like, what you need in a partner.

[B]

What's something you've learned about each other in this new chapter? Any. Any. Any new. New insight into Mike? Anything new that you've learned about yourself?

[A]

I mean, he's a great dad. He, like, likes to be. He wants to be involved in everything. And I think that his. I've told you, he's always had, like, this little bit of, like, a sort of traditional cheesy sense where he's like, he loves Valentine's Day. He loves Christmas. He, like, he likes doing all this

[B]

stuff is going to be, like, all the dad. Cheesy dad stuff.

[A]

Yeah, he's, like, really excited to do all the. The cheesy dad stuff. And I'm more excited than I thought I would be, too. I'm like, Valentine's Day. Of course. I'm putting on the. The onesies.

[B]

Right. Right. Well, I don't know. I. I hate when people say they're a great dad in the first year.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I feel like they're a better. Yeah, no, it's fair. Right. Like, I think you're you can be a good husband in the first year, but being a.

[A]

Like. Yeah.

[B]

Not to listen come back to haunt me.

[A]

I guess it's fun. It is unfair because, like, I feel like being a good dad just seems like, oh, not being miserable when you're around your kids, like, being. Being happy to be around your kids, that's like the bar for good dad.

[B]

Right? And especially in that first year, it's like, good dad. What doing?

[A]

I mean, he changes diapers. He's like, don't.

[B]

Don't we all got to change a diaper?

[A]

I don't know. Apparently, like, dads in the 50s weren't doing that or something.

[B]

I don't know. Low bar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

He comes with me to all the doctor's appointments. He's like, yeah, he's. He's hands on. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So what surprised you most about taking time off from the podcast? I mean, this is all about us. How did you. What was the surprise? Not being on the show.

[A]

I had, like, some fomo. I think there was a sense of that, like, I think there was a fear of, like. I think I've talked about this a little bit on benefits. I was a little bit afraid of. Of becoming obsolete. And I think that's probably relatable to any. Any mom who takes, like, maternity leave. Like, are they gonna still need me when I come back? Or, like, is it. Are they gonna discuss. I was like, again, I was a little worried you were gonna do too well without me.

[B]

Oh, yeah, right. We didn't want that.

[A]

Right?

[B]

We don't.

[A]

I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be Tom Brady out of here.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, or whoever the other guy is. Drew Blood, right? Yeah.

[B]

Out of here.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, that was my fear.

[A]

It was going to go too well.

[B]

People love our dynamic. The show, what we've built here, that's what this show is all about. You know, like, anyone could. Anyone could have a dating show. You know, diet and exercise. That's like, all dating advice comes down to. It's the care we have for the listeners and the. And the subject. So I. I think. Okay, so someone asked this. Your kids are Gen Alpha. We're already seeing how different Gen Z is from how we dated. How do you think dating will look for them? Do you imagine apps will still be a part of it? This person really got ahead of themselves.

[A]

Seriously. Well, actually, they're. Gen beta.

[B]

Gen beta.

[A]

2026 is the first year of Gen Beta. It's the new. It's. We're just Starting a new generation.

[B]

I don't know. We got to change that name.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Nanosphere is not going to do great for the incels. Yeah.

[A]

I'm a part of Gen Beta,

[B]

Jen Beta. Okay.

[A]

How do I think dating will be different for. I mean, how do you think different?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Thankfully, they're not dating yet.

[B]

Yeah, I think, Listen, AI they'll be dating an AI robot.

[A]

Yeah. I hope dating still. I hope people still speak to each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's like a fear. Like there's, that there's so much screens around everywhere or that there's less human connection, but they have each other to look at.

[B]

It's. It's a beautiful thing. We're all very happy for you. Charlie, Lucy, Mike, Ronnie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How's Ronnie doing? We been some.

[A]

He's had some adjustment.

[B]

Ronnie.

[A]

He's had some adjustment issues. I'm trying to get him.

[B]

I, I. Ronnie, the dog getting neutered and having two sisters come into the fold at the same time. Tough timing.

[A]

It's been a tough time for him. I feel bad for him, but he's the.

[B]

Shout out, Ronnie.

[A]

Shout out to Ronnie. He's the best when he, he's either the best or the worst.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Depending on the minute.

[B]

Is it good to have the dog around? Do you feel like, is it a burden more than it is a pleasure? Like, do you see a light at the end of the tunnel where you're like, the dog will be great in a, in a few.

[A]

Yes, that's kind of what I'm thinking. Because it is a lot. Like, I understand why people don't like to have puppies while they have new babies. It's a lot. But I, again, I've heard that they mellow out after like two or three years.

[B]

You're gonna get, I mean, honestly, you'll have one picture of Charlie and Lucy standing next to Ronnie, you know, or riding him or whatever, doing something with him, and you'll go, this was all worth it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's, he's got a special place in my heart as a narcissist. I find that, like, it actually he does give me more, almost like, attention than them.

[B]

Right. He's giving you something back a little,

[A]

A little bit more. He's like, obsessed with me. He follows me into every room. Like the kid, like, at this age.

[B]

Care less about you.

[A]

At this age. They're like, they don't really, like, know the difference between me and anyone else, really.

[B]

Just a milk source.

[A]

I'm not Their favorite person yet necessarily. Or not. Like, not their favorite. They don't really have one. But with Ronnie, he's like. He's pretty into me. So this is.

[B]

I. Completely from an ego.

[A]

From a place of my ego. He still plays a big part.

[B]

This is great. We are all happy for you, Uncle J Train.

[A]

Yes. We clap for you, and we're coming to Florida. So you're gonna meet them.

[B]

That's when I'll meet them.

[A]

Are you gonna be there? Maybe you should film it.

[B]

Yeah, V, we should get you down.

[A]

Maybe you should babysit.

[B]

I am not going to babysit.

[A]

2. Babysit the two of them. That would be a great. How many subscribers by. By April 26 to have Jared babysit the two of them alone for one night?

[B]

One night babysitting. I got to change diapers and stuff.

[A]

You got to do all of it.

[B]

How funny is how many subscribers?

[A]

Let's just get. Let's do a challenge. You guys aren't going to get it.

[B]

What are we on YouTube?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

22,000 on YouTube. If you get to 25,000 by 8, that's it.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

That. I'll do it. Well, we're going to walk before we can run.

[A]

All right. If we get to 25,000 subscribers by

[B]

April 26, we will film me babysitting Charlie Lucy for one. Ronnie.

[A]

Not Ronnie. He's not.

[B]

I can't do.

[A]

He's not coming. But for one night.

[B]

One night, we're going to film it. You guys get to go out on Atlantic Avenue in Delray and leave me at home. I'll be waving.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

With the two babies.

[A]

I would. I would be. Good money.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

So it would have to. Because you'd be the babysitter. How much do you charge?

[B]

I'm going to have to check in with a couple teenage girls to see what they're charging.

[A]

You would?

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

It's so funny. My neighbor was like, oh, did you hire a nanny? Like, I'm looking for a nanny. And she's like, our parents age. I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, I'm looking for, like, a nanny for, like, myself. For, like, to do things around my house.

[B]

It's always. Your neighbor's, like, in her 60s. Yes, I'm looking for a nanny.

[A]

Yes. I'm like, I don't know if it's called a nanny.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's called the cleaning person. I think it's called a gigolo.

[A]

She's married.

[B]

Okay. I don't know. I'm looking for a Young man to. She's take care of me.

[A]

What?

[B]

Do you know anyone. Ma', am, if you know anything, she's like, you're the CEO of Betches industry. You know, a lot of young people bring it. I don't know.

[A]

To come live with me.

[B]

Come live with me. You okay? Yeah.

[A]

All right, well, let's get to your questions, right?

[B]

I mean, my check in is. Is upon us, I guess.

[A]

Let's do it. I have so many questions.

[B]

It's been a while. I have a. I have a girlfriend now. I know that's. You know, she have a name.

[A]

We call. Can we give her a name?

[B]

Emily. We can. We can refer to her.

[A]

That's her real name.

[B]

That's her real name. You know. Well, this is part of the weirdness of, you know, the whole story is not. I don't want to like, I. I don't want to be the person that's like. Our story is so interesting, wild, amazing.

[A]

Our story page. How's your our story page?

[B]

The our story page?

[A]

What would you give it?

[B]

Well, I would give it a 10 because it's, you know, as I mentioned on benefits, I talk about her in the book.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Walking Red flag, which you can see Behind Me on YouTube. There's three stories that were told about when we dated. We had dated a few years ago and we were in the, you know, the talking phase and the dating phase. And it was getting more and more serious. And then I basically was like, I'm not ready. This isn't it. I have like a little pit in my stomach. I even called Dr. Naomi. I remember. I remember, yeah, vividly calling Dr. Naomi to like, get advice and talk to her about it and. And I'd never done felt that way again. Not to like. I don't want to like, glorify the tale. I kind of look back on it. I'm like, what was I thinking? Why couldn't I, you know, push through when right now it feels very easy. You know, I'm going to meet her parents and her sister.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Niece tonight. And. And you know, she. And it's funny. Like, the weird part is about saying her name is People like, are like,

[A]

are you wearing the hat, Uncle J?

[B]

Well, it's a little presumptuous of me, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Walk in, Uncle J Train. Yeah. I can't wear the hat.

[A]

Called me Aunt Vicky.

[B]

So, yeah, it's been. But it's. And it happened pretty quick because it was like out of the blue. I. You know, it kind of started and.

[A]

Well, where'd you had. You meet.

[B]

We met at a show three and a half years ago.

[A]

She was attending one of your shows.

[B]

She was at the Cellar. And a comedian was on before me dealing with a heckler and the heckler. And they were making fun of the heckler. And she was, like, laughing so hard. She was like, crying in the front at the comedian making fun of the heckler.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then he made reference to. There's a single Jewish guy going on next. You should get with him. Like something like, oh, that is a good me.

[A]

That is a good. Our story page.

[B]

It is quite a story. Well, then it goes on and on. And so then we meet basically through the comments of the heckler video that got posted through the comments because they posted the heckler video. Like, this is like the beginning of posting clips. And they're posting clips.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, she sees it and she. And then there was a DM sent and it didn't go anywhere.

[A]

Did you send the dm?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then. But it didn't go anywhere. And then we ended up matching on hinge going on a day.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Having like, what I remember to be like, great. One of my best first dates, the wine bar in the West Village. Next. I think it just closed recently. It's. Look it up. You know where Apollo Bagels is? That wine bar? I think it might have closed. That coffee shop is right in front of it. That's like 4 inches big. Jordana. The. You probably don't know about it. I don't know anything about Long island and called Starbucks.

[A]

Ouch. Ouch. So, Mike. And my first date was at a bar in the West Village.

[B]

What was it called?

[A]

That must be where you go on a good first date.

[B]

That. Well, that was called College.

[A]

That was called Highlands, but which also closed.

[B]

Yeah. Sogno Toscano. It's still temporarily closed. Sogno to Scott.

[A]

I'm sure that's how you say.

[B]

I'm sure that's how the Italian Sogno Toscano market and wine bar.

[A]

They.

[B]

It used to be, you know, kind of a good way. I would say it was a good date spot. And I remember having this, like, really amazing date. And then it took us a minute to, like, connect again. And, you know, it's one of those things that, like, I was dating in the way I was dating at the

[A]

time, which is, like, not necessarily, like, ready to. For a full commitment.

[B]

Right. And having to realize that along the way, like, and kind of going person to person, no matter how great the connection was, I was still distracted.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you know, then the, you know, the special came out at the time, 37 and single. I'm distracted by that. And there was a lot of that going on, and then I ended up ending it. And we didn't talk for, like, two and a half years. Just no conversation. And I would. We still followed each other, but, like, and. And I. We'd follow each other, and I'd see them watching my stories and kind of have these moments, and it would make me think about it, you know, And I was doing a lot of comparing, and then they reached out because I was going. You know, I was going to be in their town for when I did a show. And they're like, crazy, but just wanted to check in. Maybe you want to get coffee?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like. And I wanted to text them. I had mentioned to you.

[A]

I remember.

[B]

Yeah, maybe I would text them. And that's. No, like, I. That's the hard part is like. Like, it's funny, like, a lot of this stuff and especially being on a dating podcast where, like, I would advise for the texts to be sent. I. I know that my advice is consistent. Our advice. Yeah, consistent. That if you're thinking about someone, they. And you want to send them a text to go get coffee, and it's been a couple years. Why wouldn't you. I. I would. I would give that advice. So it wasn't like I saw this text was like, whoa, what a crazy person. You know? Like, I was just like. I was, like, kind of upset. I was like, I kind of wanted to send that text, and I wasn't really.

[A]

Would you have sent it? I don't know if you would have sent it.

[B]

I don't know. I. I don't know if I was. Had the balls. I don't know. I was. I was really afraid of coming back into someone's life and then having to, like, unbutton that shirt again. Like, I. I didn't want to be a dick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I. I did, you know, not to. I'm not trying to make myself into a hero. I'm just like, I'd rather not know than have to deal with that for sure. And then when we got coffee, it was like. Like, it just kind of was like a rush over my body of. Of calmness and feeling excited and kind of like seeing how happy they were and being like, yeah, that. Like, don't that up for them, you know?

[A]

Did she know who you were when she saw you? Comedy seller. Like, did she know.

[B]

Knew of me?

[A]

Did she know of your work?

[B]

Sure, a little bit.

[A]

Did she listen to the show?

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

Never. Okay.

[B]

I mean, it's so far away now.

[A]

You remember, right?

[B]

I don't remember those questions being asked, but I know that she was familiar. Ish.

[A]

But not, like, not like a super fan.

[B]

She hadn't messaged me 10 times before to, like, be like, hey, I think we'd be a good match, which has happened with other people.

[A]

Was she following you?

[B]

I think she was.

[A]

Okay. And did you discuss, like, when she reached out to you again more recently, when you got back together? What. What was her, like, what was she thinking? Like, what was her intention? When she seemed to.

[B]

Her intention was just to see how everything was to check in. This wasn't. If anything, it was me because, like, we had this conversation. So we get coffee, and the coffee was in, and she was like, it was purely a ketchup. Like. And what became very weird to me and something that I'll acknowledge and admit to is how much more the her watching my stories meant to me than it had meant to her to watch. So she knew things ish about my life, but I was, like, very much, like, seeing a story she'd watch and being, like, it imprinted into my brain seemingly more.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I haven't asked her about that. But, like, I, I don't know if I want to. I don't think it would be fair. I don't, you know, I. But every time I would, like, she

[A]

probably watched your stories also, assuming, like, you would never even know she watched your stories because you have so followers.

[B]

Right? But I saw it every single time, and I did. She could tell when she muted me, she wasn't watching as much of them. Like, when we first ended, I was muted, but then I could see when she would check in.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And, like, I'm talking about, like, I went, like, there's so much stories that happened between when we dated and now, but I felt like she was there the whole time. You know what I mean? Like, I, I, I was, you know, I, I'm talking to her about Australia. She's like, you, oh, you went to Australia? Oh, yeah, you were planning that. And I'm like, like, I was like, yeah, I put up, like, 30 million stories from there. Again, I'm being. It's embarrassing to say this, but I think this podcast was started because there's always that one person that could be like, no, that's stupid. And I'm like, no, it's not stupid. It all matters. It's all real. So Like, I just remember being on. And I told this to. But I didn't say this at the time. In the beginning, it was like. And I went to, you know, I went to Australia and I. We went to Can. I'm like, but can. Feels like it's 100 years ago that we went.

[A]

Yeah, that is a long time ago.

[B]

But that was something that she like, oh, you went to Can. Like, tell me about that. And I'm like, I can't believe I have this full story. She doesn't know a lot to tell her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I always felt like she would know it. And so we go. I'm like, do you want. So we're having coffee and catching up, and I'm hearing about her life, how happy and how well she was doing, you know, And I'm like. And how bright she looked, you know? And I was like, I was like, do you want to go get something to eat? We go get something to eat. And then, then it was like a 45 minute wait to get something to eat. And then the. And then we were like, let's get coffee while we wait. And then, like, it kind of. The questions got a little deeper.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I kind of like broke down to her, you know, I had this, like, kind of breakdown. Like public, emotionally, like, yeah, like public. I'd never, like crying, tears, all this stuff. And just about how much I'd thought about her. And, you know, honestly, I don't even remember what she looked like during this. Like, I. I was just like, very, like, caught up in letting her know that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because I just wanted her to know, you know, that. I don't know why. And. But I. Especially because I'd held that in. I, you know, I do a podcast where I talk about my life and dating every week. I don't think this story made sense to tell on a podcast for me, you know, at the time, at the time, before this, I'm saying it wouldn't be fair. I do try to have some, you know, people. I. I don't know what people think, but I, I think you can. Only you say what you can. This is an entertaining show. This is supposed to be entertaining. And I'm not doing this to try. And like. And also I was trying to get over it. I was trying to, like, move on and not compare.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So after this, we connected pretty quickly and that was that. Yeah, I don't know what else I could. Could say.

[A]

And I mean, I, I had encouraged you to reach out to her, like, throughout the years, but I think you were, though. It felt like there was always like a hesitancy, so maybe like she needed to do that to kind of like, if you, if you reached out, you might have felt too weird about it or something or too, or too much pressure to do anything right. Probably.

[B]

Yeah. I, I don't know. I, I, I definitely feel I'm in a different place now than I was then when we first dated. I feel really good.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

I got a tan.

[A]

How does she live in the same area as you? How do you, how are you working

[B]

since we're figuring this out?

[A]

Yeah. We have so many episodes to like, fully get into all of that.

[B]

That, But I guess that's the catch up.

[A]

Yeah, it's crazy. I, like, went on, I went on maternity leave. I came back. You had a, you have a girlfriend.

[B]

Well, I didn't want to, you know, I don't want to like, steal your thunder, but we did name the relationship Lucy Charlie 7.

[A]

Nice. So love it. Yes. You know, that's, I, I'm honored.

[B]

No, yeah, it's, it is funny how quick. But that we always knew that. I knew that like, like once you,

[A]

once I was on. Are you gonna, like, move in together?

[B]

Like, we haven't crossed that okay. Sorry bridge yet. No, we can keep that. I'd like for those things to happen. Like, you know, I think, like, the difference now, like, I, I do. I don't feel like I'm playing catch up with the, with them, like, with her. I, I, I, I don't feel like it's like, you know, there's, there's a fear of like, I guess when you go back with someone, the fear of like, like, does, do they trust you?

[A]

Oh, that was my question. Thank you for even, for starting it even before then is do you think. And I guess I'd have to ask her probably, but, like, is there, do you think she has a fear, like, he left once, he could leave again?

[B]

Sure, I, I would sometimes I can kind of feel that. And I, I'm, I try to be, you know, you said something about the, you know, some, a similarity to connect your pregnancy and the babies to this is like, like, this is when I, I kind of have this opinion that at 41, I should be a good partner, you know, or better than I would have been at 31 or 21. You know, like, there's lessons I've learned. There's a lot of things I know. Like, I can't act like I don't know that. Hey, letting someone know that you've dated before, like, hey, I'm really enjoying this. And I have a, like, I. I feel really happy here, and I don't feel any of that fear that I felt before. Letting them in on that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is like something you learn along the way. I wouldn't know to do that at 30 maybe, but I'd know to do that now. You know, I know to be like, hey, to know the new context, like, to give assurance. Like, hey, the context of us getting back together. I might have to let them know that, like, I don't have a lot. I don't have any fear here.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, And I think I've been trying to do that. And I could feel.

[A]

She doesn't have to just wonder.

[B]

Right. And in the beginning, like, that's great. I could feel. Yeah. And I was like, I could feel like, a little bit, like, moments where I'm like, ah, this is the person that I, you know, want to date,

[A]

really go in on.

[B]

But then there's like, I was like, oh, this is the person that's, like, maybe holding. Figuring me out and where my intentions lie and my fears and if I'm the same guy before, like, but I don't think I was a word. You know, Like, I think, you know something I'm gonna, like, let myself relieve myself of. I've never been, I've never dated dishonestly. Like, you know, I never dated someone thinking, I know I don't want to be with them forever, but I'm gonna keep in this because I want to keep, like, it was never, like, Right. That, that the, the, the mean version of it. There's the nice version of, like, I know I'm not. There's not forever, but I don't know how to end it. And maybe I should keep going a little longer. Like that happened. But I don't want, you know, I, I. This idea that, like, I've learned. I've learned lessons about how I want to be, and now it's easier to be that person again. Like, when we, when we hear from people, my boyfriend's the best guy ever, and all these other men suck, and every other guy I dated sucked. No, the guy you're dating made a decision that he was really in for this.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And now he's really good to you because that's how it should be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, so it's not. And all those other guys are going to be really good to someone else, and you're out there telling. Saying how shitty they were, saying what

[A]

a piece of they are.

[B]

Right. And again, there are pieces of. I'm not saying that everyone. There are definitely, there's definitely pieces of out there. But I'm just saying like this comment

[A]

and Spotify if you are one.

[B]

So I drag on. Thanks again to HBO Max for sponsoring this segment. They got their money's worth today.

[A]

Seriously, I have so many more questions but we have have endless amounts of episodes to do in the future so I'm gonna get to all them.

[B]

The show will go forever. Yeah, you heard it here first. Never leaving Euphoria is back for season three. Five years later, the characters you know are navigating power, faith and ambition in the real world. It's bold, visceral and genuinely unlike anything else on TV right now. Don't miss the third season of Euphoria starting two time Emmy winner Zendaya, premiering April 12th on HBO and HBO Max with new episodes every Sunday.

[A]

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[B]

Okay, so Jordana, welcome back. We're gonna do. Let's get into it. We got a show to do. Before we do. I'm on the road. I got. I got road. I'm still doing stand up.

[A]

You know that you didn't just like become a house husband?

[B]

No, I'm not. I'm not just a. A house husband anymore. No, I do a lot of different things. I. I listen. What do you do? I do standup. I do impressions. I. If you're listening now, what's the day?

[A]

I do voices, you know, Mrs. Dad, fire.

[B]

A lot of voices. What's the day today of this episode? April 1st.

[A]

April 1st. April Fool's Day. Was this whole relation. Was this a real relationship, right?

[B]

Oh my God. Yeah. No, I'm not in a relationship. I'm actually single.

[A]

Psych.

[B]

April Fools. All that sweet stuff about learning and loving and becoming a new person made it up. Up stupid. Can you imagine?

[A]

That would be so funny.

[B]

Confetti things again.

[A]

That would be so funny.

[B]

I have a girlfriend. Please tell your moms not to DM me anymore. That's our first fight. The April Fools.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

I love it. I am going to be in Tempe, Arizona this weekend. Saint Louis, Missouri. Coming to Saint Louis. Norwalk, Connecticut. Vegas, Las Vegas, Nevada, Louisiana. Los Angeles. Gotta sell that show out. That's for the Netflix is a joke festival. Jacksonville, Austin, Texas. West Hampton Beach.

[A]

Oh, maybe you'll come there. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. West Hampton Beach. That's Fourth of July weekend. July 5th.

[A]

Fun.

[B]

So that could be a fun weekend.

[A]

I would.

[B]

Okay. And then I'm going to Portland, Maine. I'm going Back to Portland, Maine. I love Portland, Maine. So I'm gonna be all over this great country of ours. Come to a show. Jaredfree.com Also, the book is coming out. April 1st is my 16 year anniversary doing stand up. You know that.

[A]

Wow. Started on April Fool. I say that's very apt.

[B]

A fool for doing it. That's what I said on the day I did it. Yeah. 16 years of comedy.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So congratulations first. Thank you. So yeah, you can go see a 16 year veteran of stand up Up. Did it every night.

[A]

Yes. Isn't his first rodeo.

[B]

No. That's a message to all you going to other people's shows who are just trying this out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You get what you pay for. This is going to be a 16 year act.

[A]

Yes. But your tickets are still affordable.

[B]

Very affordable. I ain't getting rich on you get

[A]

what you pay for. But my tickets are very cheap.

[B]

Well, yeah, you get what? Yeah, up that whole thing. Listen, also, the book is in pre order.

[A]

I am so excited to get my grubby little hands on one.

[B]

I got to get.

[A]

I've been waiting. I saw Sammy post a story of one and I was. Mike was like, wow, Jerry must hate you. He gave Sammy a copy that you didn't get one. And I was like, yeah, you know what? Where is my. And then I found out she stole it.

[B]

She stole it. It was her grub.

[A]

And then I. And then I relaxed. Yes.

[B]

She stole it. She took it out of here. She really was very complimentary of the book. I, I, I Publishers Weekly, which is like, like, that's not like Cool dudes dot com, you know, Publishers Weekly. You know, I freak.

[A]

What did cool dudes.com give it?

[B]

Two boners. So I. But Publishers Weekly is like the way it was explained to me. So I'm learning about the book world. You already know about it. You're a New York Times bestseller.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't want to sit.

[B]

You know, I need to become a New York Times bestseller. I want people to like address me as that. Yes. Like I'd be instead of Dr. Freed, I'd be New York Times bestseller. Free.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So like Academy Award winner.

[B]

That's right. So I need you to go.

[A]

Are you gonna put it in your bio? York Times bestseller.

[B]

New York Times bestseller. Mama to uncle to two. Uncle to two to Twisters.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So no go pre order and if you go pre order and you send it to a friend, I'm doing a little bit of a special. You can pre order it if you send me the receipt of Pre ordering I. And who you're sending it to. And one fun fact about you and the friendship ship. I'll make a video that you can

[A]

send with, like, a cameo kind of thing. Like a cameo, right.

[B]

Okay, I'll send it. You just DM me a picture of the purchase order, and then I'll send you my screenshot. Send your screenshot.

[A]

I pre ordered mine months ago.

[B]

Well. Well, it's who you. Maybe you're sending it to a friend. If you want to send this book to a friend, which. Here's the thing about the book. It's funny.

[A]

It's. It's all I've heard.

[B]

It's all Sammy says.

[A]

It's very hard, funny.

[B]

And here's the publishers. Publishers Weekly, which is a librarian. Like, it's like, are you gonna.

[A]

Are you gonna relax on the. On the anti reading?

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

People are allowed to read. Just.

[B]

There's an audiobook too, so you can listen. I'm doing the audiobook now. That is a. A beast.

[A]

Yeah. I never did. I never voiced. We have an audiobook, but it wasn't voiced by us.

[B]

Well, that's. I mean, good for you because I'm doing this. I have to, like, go in and, like, perform. Like, I go in like, Hamlet with myself.

[A]

You're like Carrie Bradshaw when she does the thing and then she starts crying when she reads about Big Dime. Crying.

[B]

I told you. I cried while doing the audiobook.

[A]

You really are Carrie Bradshaw. There's too many parallels. There's too many. But you go you Mr. And you are. Are you? Or are you Mr. Big? Are you carry or big? Let us know in the Spotify comments. Jared, is Carrie or Mr. Big?

[B]

Here's the review. It's a friendly and refreshingly blunt resource for exhausted daters.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

I think that's, like, as good a review as I can get.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's what it is. It is for an exhausted data to feel renewed again.

[A]

I have a good segue in that. A. I've been reading a lot of children's books to the babies, even though they don't know what I'm talking about.

[B]

Is that something they tell you to do? You got Beethoven.

[A]

Here's the thing.

[B]

They tell know my voice. Does one of them know my voice?

[A]

They might. She might. We'll see. We'll see. If she looks. Lucy would. Is the.

[B]

Okay, so Lucy's the one I like more. That's the one that knows me.

[A]

Good to know. Yeah.

[B]

Charlie, I got to get to know. I got to.

[A]

Lucy's a tougher critic though. We'll see if she.

[B]

But maybe that's why, right?

[A]

Could be.

[B]

She's heard me.

[A]

She give you feedback, complain about stuff. But I've been reading some children's books to them because you're supposed to like, speak to them so they learn how to speak English.

[B]

But, like, you can't switch to Chinese. Better for them.

[A]

I don't really know. I don't really know what to say to them, like, tell them about my day. So. But the book kind of gives you something to like, say, and they're. That Jimmy Fallon. I don't mean to be a hater, but he wrote two hugely best selling children's books called like Everything is Mama and Everything is Dada. Okay, say they are terrible. Oh, no, there are like three words each.

[B]

Jordana, I have to ask to go on this, this show. No, you don't have to cut it. Listen, it's your review. It's an honest review.

[A]

His show is great. He's very funny. This book sucks. So.

[B]

So it's. There's no words in it.

[A]

No, the word. There's like four words in it.

[B]

It's like, I mean, it shows you. This is kind of like. This is why you shouldn't listen to a podcast by some. Someone who started because they had a following.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, you shouldn't read a children's book who started it because they had a following. It's being sold under the name Jimmy Fallon because you can sell some books.

[A]

And so everyone's like, everyone gives it as a gift. They're like, oh, Jimmy Fallon. She likes comedy. Like, take this book literally. There's one word on every page.

[B]

You can't say you wrote that.

[A]

I know. It's like they. A picture of a bee. Bee Mama. Like, that's like every.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

I'm like, I can. It's Since I was like, like, I can't believe this is a best selling book just because it has his name on it. It's crazy. Well, thank you to everyone who bought me that book, which was multiple people.

[B]

Well, it's at the front of the aisle. It's the, you know, it's, it's big book. You know, like, it's. This is why again, if you're listening and you enjoy this show and we like say to you, hey, go pre order the book. Like, we want to, like, we put a lot of work into these things. We, you know, we're not just writing mama on a page. Page with a picture of a bee that I didn't even draw, you know, like, that's crazy. He's just making dough.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

How much money does Jimmy Fallon need?

[A]

I don't know. Someone was probably like, we're gonna write this book. Just put your name on it.

[B]

That's exactly what.

[A]

Yeah, it's very irritating. I was like, oh, it's gonna be a fun, it's gonna be a funny children's book. I'm so excited.

[B]

Right. My goal was always to get famous enough. I think when the moment you're done making money is when, when you're the voice of a cartoon animal in a Pixar movie.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because I always thought that was like the best job in the world. You just go in, you read it. You don't have to get dressed, no makeup. You know, they sit in the booth and you, and then you go on the tour, the press tour. It's just you next to your cartoon version of you. Like, I'd be next to a slug.

[A]

And you get paid like the same amount as if you were like, were in a real movie.

[B]

Probably more. You get part of the toys, you get part of all that stuff. Like, like, David, you'd be a good,

[A]

you'd be a good children's movie voice.

[B]

That's the end of my career.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If I ever got big enough to be in a children's movie where I'm a cartoon.

[A]

Not going on the road anymore.

[B]

I'll go, I'll do select cities. I, I will still be there. Am I, I will keep my tickets cheap. There's. I only need so much. I just need. I, I already have thought this out.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

There's a house in Del Rey that I would really like to have near the beach. I don't even have to be on the beach.

[A]

You just moved. You're looking.

[B]

I'm already looking. I'm getting real real estate now. I, I want a tycoon. I'm going to be the tycoon of Delray. I, I, There's a lot of things from Del. I, I've become.

[A]

I need to go to Delray to see if I need to long beach it up.

[B]

I think you might, because there's no tall buildings near the beach.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No.

[A]

No high rise condos.

[B]

Not. There's one.

[A]

Who do I need to evict to bulldoze their home and build a high rise condo?

[B]

Joanna, the Monopoly woman. Yes. Protein is now at Starbucks and it's never tasted so good. You can add protein cold foam to your favorite drink or try one of Our new protein lattes or matcha. Try it today at Starbucks. Your favorite local grocery stores like Kroger, Ralph's, Fred Meyer and more are now delivering on uber eats. Get 40% off your order of fresh quality ingredients. Whether you just got home to an empty fridge or suddenly got a craving to whip up something new, you can get everything you need delivered in as little as 25 minutes. Get 40% off your order with code KROGER2026 plus members get zero dollar delivery fees. Order now on Uber Eats. Orders of $30 or more. Save up to $25 and four 30 26c app for details. This episode was a big catch up episode. But we're going to still play a game. We're going to play Red Flag. Deal breaker. What this show is known for. You date someone. You go on one date date. They do something. Is it a red flag? You notice it and it's fine. Or is it a deal breaker? You. You end at sight unseen.

[A]

Yes. Let's see. All right, I'm gonna read our first one.

[B]

Go for it.

[A]

Hello, big fan. Red Flagger. Deal breaker doesn't ask me if my cat is okay. Context. We were supposed to meet for coffee last Friday and an hour before he canceled because he got called into work, which I completely understand. We rescheduled for the next Friday and then I had to cancel because I had to take my cat to the emergency back pet. I gave some rescheduling options and he didn't ask, not once, if my baby is doing okay. I even tried to give him more of an in by providing a brief update. Still nothing? Not even. I'm glad she's okay. I'm seriously considering canceling altogether because it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. What do you think? Red Flag or D Riger? He doesn't ask if my cat is okay. And thankfully she sent the screenshots because these are important, especially for this kind of thing.

[B]

Thing.

[A]

You be him. I'll be her.

[B]

I'll be him. I'm looking forward to Friday. Sorry I had to reschedule on you.

[A]

No worries. It happens. I'm looking forward to it as well. I hope you have a good week. Okay then. On Wednesday.

[B]

That was the initial canceling by him. Now she's back.

[A]

Okay, Wednesday. Two days before their Friday date, she texts him. Hey there. Unfortunately, I need to rain check our date Friday. I unexpectedly had to take my cat to the emergency vet today and will need to come into the clinic Friday as opposed to working from home like I usually do. Do any chance you have some time over the weekend?

[B]

No worries. I'm free Sunday before 5.

[A]

Sorry for my delay. Gigi is okay. She has pancreatitis but will make a full recovery. Smiley face. I have a brunch attend.

[B]

Oh, Gigi's fine. Consider all of us not caring.

[A]

Yes, I have a brunch at 10:30 at the Penrose Diner. I could meet you around 12:30 or

[B]

one that works for me. No mention of Gigi.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So what do we think here? Is it a red flag or deal breaker? He didn't ask about the cat. Who.

[A]

I'm assuming this is a first date first. Right. I'm assuming this is the first date. First date. I wouldn't ask either.

[B]

Well, you know, it's funny. I was thinking about this and I have dated many a woman. And this happens as you get older as a dater.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You date these women with pets. Where I'm asked to be as loving with the pet, more loving with the pet than I am with the person I've gone out with. Like, you go to their apartment, it's after the third date, and you're like, yeah, we're cool. But then this pet comes out. Oh, you gotta go look at, you know, Rufus. And I gotta go. And I feel weird, like I. I'm not there with the pet. I don't even know if it's a good dog. Not that I want Gigi to die,

[A]

but I get both sides.

[B]

I get. Right.

[A]

Right. Having a dog now, I get both sides.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If I've. If I know it because, you know, with your kids or with your. Or with your dog, you, like, get. It's a turn on when someone is, like, into the thing that you're really into and like, loves your. Someone loves your kid. You love your kid. It feels like a. Something you haven't got. Someone loves your dog. Like, if they do really love dogs or they love your dog in particular. I don't really. And I say this as someone who doesn't like all dogs. I like my dog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But if. And so I'm probably like, not that person who would meet some guy's dog and be like, oh, my God, I'm obsessed with the dog, or I'm obsessed with your niece and nephew, or I'm obsessed with this thing.

[B]

This happened on the flight yesterday. There was a dog next to me, very cute dog on the flight. They're sitting aisle with their owner and I'm sitting aisle. There's two different types of people there. There's three There's I hate dogs.

[A]

Yes. And or like, I'm annoyed by your dog.

[B]

Right. Or there's the people that were next to me on my left. They're like, oh, look at the do. It was like a daughter and her dad.

[A]

Oh, my God, we have wood just like it.

[B]

I'm in aisle. I'm the third type, which is. Let's see how he does on this flight.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm not just sold on this dog. The dog was very good. By the end of it, I said to the owner, great work out of you. This dog was great.

[A]

Impressive.

[B]

Good job out of the dog. And there was an older person behind me that said, didn't make a peep. The whole fight. I'm with that old person. I will review after depending on didn't you don't love dog dependent. If that dog was running around and

[A]

being a terror, you're going to hate my dog.

[B]

Well, don't have it on a flight next to me. But I. But I. So again, so when you're in this position of like that third type, which is this guy seems to be. He's not being like, I hate Gigi the cat.

[A]

Or he's also never met him.

[B]

Right. But it is. Reading the text, it is weird to. Honestly, it's. It's as weird of her to be like, and Gigi's going to be okay. Don't worry.

[A]

G. I think it's more of a, for me, a red flag if someone volunteered that and I didn't ask.

[B]

Right. Like, it's a little bit. She's a little bit the problem.

[A]

A little bit, yeah.

[B]

Because it's like, okay, what do I have to do? I have to like, be like, I've been praying for Gigi every night.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So happy to find out prayers were answered.

[A]

Also, here's the other thing. If I haven't met you yet, I'm just assuming any excuse is like potentially an exaggerated thing because you just like, couldn't. Didn't feel like going out.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Which is fine.

[B]

Gigi the cat with pancreatic cancer, anyone.

[A]

Like, I'm feeling under the weather. I would be like, I guess I would be like, hope you feel better, but I wouldn't ask you any questions about it. If I haven't met you, I don't. To me, it's like, if I haven't met you yet, I don't really care that much about anything going on in your life.

[B]

I say that because I. I am with you. I read this and I said, yeah, I don't give A. About Gigi. And then I read the text, and I was like, jared, how would you text back? I would say, happy to hear Gigi's okay.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, I would.

[A]

I would say, hope everything's okay, but I wouldn't ask one question. Question.

[B]

This isn't a deal, right? This. I wouldn't. Right. I'm with you. No question. Fine. No acknowledgement is like. It's almost like he's trying to prove a point. So you're getting a certain type where it's like, I budge for no cat unless I get to know the cat. Like, you got to fake it a little bit. You haven't even gone on a first date yet. You don't say, well, I'm happy the cat's okay. Can't wait to see you on Friday. Like, you're still going out with them. Are you asking for them to take you or leave you, or are you trying to be good on the date?

[A]

Right. I think they're just trying to. To me, this reads is he's just trying to get to the date, and then he'll decide if he's, like, going to be asking questions about the cat, which, again, should.

[B]

We appreciate that more than the person who tries to win a date. To me, this is a person who has no interest in winning a date, which might be the person you should want to go on a date with.

[A]

Right. I think this is kind of closer to what I would do than be asking a lot of questions, especially if I've never met. That if I'm an apt date, never met them. I'm kind of like, let's just see if we like each other. And then I'll ask you on the date how your cat is like, I don't want to, like, get into it now.

[B]

Right. That's why she's more the deal breaker than he is, because she's trying to test him.

[A]

Right?

[B]

She does. You know, the second. The first text, you know about her cat. And then, no worries. I'm free Sunday before 5. At that point, you got. You've already gotten what he is.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And then she's like, well, she's not. He's not going to ask about Gigi. And then she goes into. Gigi is okay now she's testing him, which is annoying. See if he'll break. She's annoying.

[A]

Yeah. I might not go. If I were him, I would. I mean, I would.

[B]

Both. Both people should go. Both people are red flags in their own special way. They just might not be a match. I think, like, you know, it's like if we saw like on a percentage scale like a heat chart of like you know, oh, you two are going to be great together versus like this date might be a disaster. We are moving more towards disaster than we are great.

[A]

Yeah, she probably should not go.

[B]

I'd say chances are low that they are a married couple years from now.

[A]

I would. I would agree with that. Although who knows. Let us know.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Why wait? Ask your doctor. Visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.

[B]

Let's do another red flagger. Deal breaker. You ready? Last one. J&J. Love the pod. Love you all. Feather Feather. Congrats on the twiblings. Etc. Twisters.

[A]

Twisters. We're going by twisters now.

[B]

So it would be twubbers if they were brothers.

[A]

That doesn't sound as good. Bros. Trouble.

[B]

I have to admit something very embarrassing missing.

[A]

What? Didn't you know?

[B]

No. This is like a very personal thing that I'm gonna. I. I'm like true.

[A]

The safe space.

[B]

Is this safe?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it safe with everyone here?

[A]

Yeah. Is this insulting to someone?

[B]

No, it's insulting to me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Do you re. Wear jeans?

[A]

Me?

[B]

Yeah, of course I do. I thought that was only people with body issues and you don't have body issues. I think we're wearing jeans. Like a body issue.

[A]

Like wear the same pair of jeans more than once.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Cuz without washing it.

[B]

Without. Before washing it.

[A]

Oh yeah. I wear jeans a lot before I wash them.

[B]

How many times would you wear jeans?

[A]

Probably like a good like five or six times.

[B]

Five or six times. It depends on the jeans. Rag and bone. Jeans, not a re. Wearable jean.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They don't keep their structure. It's a little too loose. I look like I'm Gen Z.

[A]

So you don't like to wash it at all?

[B]

I don't. These jeans I didn't wash. I wore them last night. Night. And I just had a realization.

[A]

I think that's okay. No, I'm not insulted by that.

[B]

Can I do.

[A]

I don't think that's disgusting.

[B]

I just, I just as I was sitting here, I, I, I, this is crazy. I'm gonna put, Can I just. Everyone, I'm gonna put my hands in my pants for two seconds.

[A]

In your pants.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But not my underwear.

[A]

Okay. H.R. he's, he's asked permission.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Louis C.K.

[B]

right. I've had a good run here at Betches, but I just, I'm telling you, I didn't even. I was.

[A]

Oh, wow. Okay, they're going in.

[B]

They're going in.

[A]

Okay. Don't get the sound bite. What are you doing? Did you leave something in there?

[B]

I just realized that my underwear. Stop it. That I wore with the jeans.

[A]

This was not planned, right?

[B]

No. This were in my pants from the night before when I was sitting here. And I'm going, why does it feel like I shit my pants? And I'm like, this is crazy

[A]

to one lucky listener.

[B]

Gigi the cat. I mean, I. Because I live in fear of the dryer. So like I, but this has happened before. You ever put on pants and then you realize the underwear is in the pants.

[A]

I've had socks in the pants and not realize the socks in the pants. I haven't had underwear.

[B]

A lot to be in there. I walked here from the hotel.

[A]

I guess it was in the leg

[B]

or like in the. I felt it as I was sitting here. I thought, yes, I'm wearing underwear. That's why I said, I'm like, there's something extra in here.

[A]

Okay. So you put them back up and you're you're in, like, you're not in your home. You're in a hotel. I get right.

[B]

Put on the jeans. But to get from the. I'm six blocks away. Hey.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's impressive. You were, like, comfortable enough to not stop.

[B]

I literally was sitting here, like, fidgeting in the seat.

[A]

I. I could see that happening to me. I'm not. I don't think you're crazy.

[B]

Yeah, I was pretty.

[A]

I mean, it's funny that you just took it out. Like you were like, clown. Like,

[B]

I was like, oh, my God. I can't. I think there's extra underwear.

[A]

Red flag or deal breaker. Someone does that on a date. She's like, give me one second. I'm just gonna.

[B]

I'm putting my hands in my pants. And she did it the way I did it. I'm putting hands in bats. Yeah. I'm going to grab something out of them. I. I mean, are you into it?

[A]

You probably would be.

[B]

I'd be into it. I. I would love the vulnerability.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I've been like, oh, the way.

[B]

I hope the listeners love the. My vulnerability. I feel like I just was sitting here.

[A]

I think it's great. I've done, like. My shirt's inside out.

[B]

Something is a little different than what just happened here.

[A]

It's a little weirder that you didn't notice, but like, like. But glad you wore new underwear. Yeah, the underwear I changed, I washed after every use.

[B]

That's not something I can admit. That's not something I can say over here.

[A]

That's a good question about the jeans.

[B]

Would you wash jeans after every.

[A]

How many. How many times do you wear jeans before you wash them?

[B]

Four to five. Four to five.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Five or six. So that's everyone. That everyone goes. I. We're all just sitting here fearing a wash. Jeans.

[A]

I don't think you're supposed to wash.

[B]

You're not supposed to. To.

[A]

Yeah. Ever.

[B]

No, you're not supposed to wash them.

[A]

Right. You're definitely not supposed to dry them. You're supposed to.

[B]

That's a. That's something people with legs that shave made up to make other people with legs that shave feel better. I think, and I thank those people.

[A]

You dry them. I don't dry them.

[B]

I dry them. I just do it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Well, I guess we'll do one more red flag.

[A]

If you would like these sent to you. We should keep them here, right?

[B]

We'll. We'll hang them up. We'll put them in a poster.

[A]

You should save it for, like, one of Your shows. And then like, you know when the woman takes her bra off and throws it into the audience.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I don't think the artist throws their underwear to the audience. It's usually the woman in the crowd who wants to bang the artist.

[A]

Good point. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Writing.

[A]

Give it to me. I'll save it for my next Lumineers concert.

[B]

Thank you. Writing in with a red. Hey ho. Isn't that what the luminaires.

[A]

Yes, I have a. That's them.

[B]

Yeah. Writing in with a red flag. Deal breaker for my friend, 27 females. She went on a first date to a wine bar. In total was $45. When he paid. There was an iPad with 20%, 22% and 25% options. He selected custom tip and tipped $5. Some factors here. Not sure if they are important or not. He's 30 years old. You respond. You think these are important factors. As I get them. He's 30 years old. Does that matter?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They only had two glasses of wine, so all the waitress did was pour the glasses. But they were brought to them at. At a table. No, that doesn't matter.

[A]

No, not to me.

[B]

He lives in the West Village with a roommate. Already a member of a workout studio that isn't cheap. And mentioned he's thinking about joining Equinox as well. Does that matter?

[A]

Somewhat. I don't know. What do you think?

[B]

I don't. I don't think.

[A]

Shows. He's not that poor.

[B]

Right. But okay. He was working at a startup that failed recently, so currently unemployed. Technically. He went to an Ivy League school. He's from Greenwich, Connecticut. I said it was a deal breaker. She said it was a red flag. Would appreciate the final say from YouTube. Thanks. A cheap date. So what do you think? Should you tip better than $5 on a $45 tap?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's how it. That's the.

[A]

You should tip 20% percent on a. If you have a waitress service, you should tip 20%.

[B]

You would think. Isn't that right? I mean, did he go up to the.

[A]

Did he go up to the. They were brought. If they. If someone brings something to your table, I feel like you need.

[B]

You got to go 20%.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

It is weird to hit the. I mean is.

[A]

Tipping is very confusing. I do. I do sympathize with that. But I think this war inspired more

[B]

taking the extra step to hit custom versus just hitting 20% when it's on there. To go less than what they are letting you do easily.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is a statement about who he is now he might tip 15% because this is 10%, right?

[A]

Is it? I don't know.

[B]

It's not 14.

[A]

Oh, is it 15?

[B]

It's 14%, but it is actually 15% because some people, People tip do it on the if. So I actually looked this up. This is some people do it on the pre tax amount.

[A]

Okay, so do you?

[B]

No, but I keep that in mind when I'm tipping. Like, If I'm doing 20 and it's

[A]

like, do you tip it like a coffee shop?

[B]

I have become, and I'm not saying this to like, be performative. Whatever I have become.

[A]

Show us how generous you are.

[B]

I, I have become a big coffee shop tipper.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I, I believe in it. I.

[A]

20%.

[B]

I go to Peravita in Delray on Atlantic Avenue most days and they do a 5% included tip. And then they ask if you want to give more than that. I add 10 onto that. So it's 15% on the coffee on top of the five that they're right. But I, I have become. When that pad comes out of a barista, always tipping.

[A]

The older I am, the more I'm tipping. Tipping. I will say I just don't think

[B]

that they're trying to get us, like, I don't think anyone there is getting rich off of this tip. You know, we should be getting angry at the corporation that's not paying people enough where they say we need a tip, but you don't even know if they're paying them well or not. You just assume they're not.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I would say if someone's working at a place and they're pooling the tips with a bunch of people and they're all working hard to try and make this right. I don't know, I'm just like, yeah, why am I. Why is this my cross to bear? I don't know.

[A]

That's why I wish they would just include like, like they do in your Europe. They just pay them more and you don't tip it like, or you tip like 10 or something.

[B]

But then we wouldn't be having this fun, you know, judgment festival we're having now.

[A]

The tipping is a very judgmenty thing.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Well, because this guy, delivery people, I don't know how much to tip anyone.

[B]

Well, it used to be like, I mean, it used to be for me it was like three bucks on a delivery. Like you'd give $3 cash. I remember growing up babysitting for my brother. Pizza comes, here's three bucks. In addition to the you know, the

[A]

15, it was, it was $3 for a really long time.

[B]

Right. $3 was like the amount growing up. And then the minute we went to this digital world of, like, including tip, and it became less like you're giving something. So I don't know. I, I. My connection between money and tip and has changed my brain chemistry.

[A]

What would you tip on this? 45.

[B]

Two.

[A]

Two glasses of wine.

[B]

Would you do 28 to 10.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It would range. It would be from eight to 10, but I looked like nine. What's that?

[A]

So nine.

[B]

Nine. But I would hit the button. Yeah, I would hit the button and I would hit the middle button.

[A]

Yeah. Especially if I was on a first date.

[B]

Well, this goes back to. Do you want to date someone who's trying to look good or being themselves?

[A]

I guess so, right? I guess it's. But it's similar to the cat situation.

[B]

This is very similar to the cat situation. Do you want to be on. And I think it's something I've thought about myself where me. The amount I tipped was me looking to get, you know, to, to win the date. It wasn't because, let me, you know, I hope she sees it so she thinks I'm rich so that I could bang tonight.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I think that's got to be more normal than my version's. More normal than the guy who's tipping to bang. I think most people, if they're tipping higher, it's to look, I'm a good person. Just so you know, I'm a good

[A]

person even to themselves, Right? Yeah. I think it's tough because I think we have that. It's so easy to, like, sort of put that on someone as a personality trait and that. That feeling of, like, do I want to be liked for being authentic or do I want to be liked because I'm, like, trying. I think about, about that constantly. I think about that when I'm, like, debating how much makeup to put on to come into this recording.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, do I want to just be who I am or do I want to, like, put on a little show for the listeners? Maybe a little bit of both. Maybe more, depending on the day. I've worn, like, a hat in here because I'm just couldn't manage doing my

[B]

hair right, you know, I. It is. You're right. It does translate to all forms of life. Like, what am I. Am I doing something because I want to or because I have to? Because I think I have to.

[A]

Should I be right? Is this, Is it more authentic, but. Or is Effort, more value.

[B]

Right. I think to me, I don't want to be on a date with someone whose ego is in the way. I don't know. Because my ego's in the way too. When I'm trying to be good. I don't know. I don't know. Is it equal? Because for him to put custom tip to put less. That is him saying I don't tip 20% when. When it's just two pores of wine.

[A]

Right. Does that say something about you?

[B]

Right. And I think it does say something about him. To me, if I was to. If it. If the game was say something about him, not say something about him, statement or no statement, then I would say he's trying to make a statement. That would be my assumption.

[A]

I think he's trying to make a statement.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Oh. To me I'm kind of like he's just not the most generous guy.

[B]

Cheap. My statement is I care about money more than you or more than this. I care about money more than I care about you. You thinking I'm a good person for tipping.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And in that scenario I'm like this person is thinking too. I would be. It would be a kind of a deal breaker for me now that I. Yeah. Because I don't need that. This is an easy breezy, beautiful covergirl day. Like this should be drinks and hit the 22% and let's move on. You save three bucks.

[A]

Yeah. I think for the $4 dollars that it is that he doesn't. He wouldn't do it even if it was just. Even if he didn't really want to do it. It was just to impress you. I think that's really like the main. He.

[B]

He sacrificed. He wouldn't pay $3 to impress you. Is. Is. Is what he's saying. If you want to look at it a certain way. Because I, I tried to come to his side. I did write this out.

[A]

I mean do you tip more when people are looking at you?

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. I think most people would tip more.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or do something more when people are looking at them and this guy's trying. Looking at someone he's on an actual like first date with and doesn't give a.

[B]

Right. So that's who you're dating. Someone who doesn't give a. About compromise and Right. Things like that. Cuz I tried to make him not a bad guy.

[A]

You did.

[B]

I was like $45 means it's a $41 tab actually because 3.99 in state taxes I went and looked this up.

[A]

You're saying there's three?

[B]

I wouldn't look this up cuz I was like, what's 20% of 41? 20% of 41 is $820. Okay, so now he did. He tipped $5 on what he should have given. If it was 20%. If you believe 20% is the number, it should be 8. 20. So he saved himself $3 and 20 cents. Does he know that?

[A]

Probably not for his own reputation.

[B]

Right. He needed to feel like he saved money and didn't get and do you want to be on a date with someone who's like, who's basically screaming to the world, you ain't gonna fuck me me.

[A]

Right. Would you rather be on a date with that guy or someone who just can't do math? They thought that was 20.

[B]

If they thought that, I'd rather the person who can't do math. Like a dumb, likable person versus a douchebag.

[A]

Right. Who just doesn't know.

[B]

Smarty pants. Well, we solve dating again.

[A]

We did it. So, so glad to be back. I missed you guys.

[B]

You were missed. We're so happy to have you back.

[A]

Yes. So glad to be here.

[B]

We're going to be back on Friday. Friday feels we'll be back then.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Thanks again to HBO Max for sponsoring this episode. Euphoria is back for season three. Five years later, the characters you know are navigating power, faith and ambition in the real world. It's bold and visceral and genuinely unlike anything else on TV right now. Don't miss the third season of Euphoria, starring two time Emmy winner Zendaya. Premiering April 12th on HBO and HBO Max, with new episodes every Sunday.