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- [00:01]
A
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- [00:33]
B
Hello, and welcome back to the Friday Feels episode of the UF Podcast. I am Jordana Abraham.
- [00:38]
C
And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? How do we feel?
- [00:45]
B
I am good. I. We are in the throes of summer. I'm excited for you to be heading to Fire Island. I'm excited to hear, I'm excited to hear about you going to Fire Island. For some reason that's know I have very few thrills these days.
- [00:57]
C
Fire things are really can't wait to have a family. I, I Fire island, for those that don't know, is an island near New York City that people kind of do their weekends on. It's not really. And no cars. It's like this, like, kind of weird thing that I've never been to. I've heard about it a lot.
- [01:18]
B
You're going to love it.
- [01:18]
C
I'm excited to go. It's. Yeah, I'm doing a show there, so I'm going to have like, so then extend the weekend. I was telling you the, the issue in my relationship life, it's funny, like the social and the professional mix into this one thing, right? And when you start in comedy, that's really fun because you're like, oh, I got shows in Aruba. I'll get to go to Aruba. And then the more it's, it's weird that you have to, you know, this
- [01:47]
B
show, I think that's relatable just to make it more relatable to the general audience. I think that's relatable to anyone who's traveling for work. When you're 24, it's, oh, cool, I'm going to LA for work. And then when you're like 34, you're like, I have to go to LA, right?
- [02:02]
C
And, and, and I'm dating someone in New York and I want to make sure that I can still around, they're still around and, and I'm giving them the attention they want. Like, you know, I'm, I'm, I this. This podcast is a lot about growth, you know, for me personally, like, you know, and figuring out how to. Like, now I'm in a relationship and I'm like, you know, I had this show on Fire Island. I'm like, good opportunity to go see Fire Island. Bring Emily. Let's get a hotel. We'll have two nights, we'll hang out. I'll see you for the first time. And then I'm like, you know, there's other elements in my life where I'm like, it doesn't work like that all the time for everything anymore.
- [02:38]
B
Right.
- [02:38]
C
You know, like, for this weekend, it does work, because one night of us to one night of. But then, I don't know, I'm coming to terms with how I need to, like, treat this more like a job and not like, my every minute of every day. And I don't know if I could get to that unless I was in a relationship to see that.
- [02:56]
B
Right. Well, have you talked about, like, the expectations for, like, what your life will look like with her in terms of.
- [03:05]
C
I hope she didn't just see my facial reaction to that question. Hopefully she's not watching on YouTube.
- [03:10]
B
No, I mean, like, the dayto day of being with you in the long run, is it like that you were gone five nights a week.
- [03:17]
C
I have, like, a romantic version of what I would like life to be. And then I have, like, how I act.
- [03:23]
B
Okay.
- [03:24]
C
You know, like, I'm like, well, I would love to be able to do two weekends on the road and then come home, do my podcast, come here, get a couple episodes done, and then just have the rest of my life to kind of putter around and write and be a comedian.
- [03:37]
B
Right.
- [03:38]
C
And then you go, then someone's like, hey, can you do the show in Fire island over the weekend? I'm like, yes, yes, yes, please. I don't wanna. I need to make money, you know, like.
- [03:46]
B
But I'm saying, your life together, that's your life, right?
- [03:49]
C
Well, my life.
- [03:52]
B
Oh, I know. Right, I know. I'm saying, like, with the, like, the way that you guys, like, let's say you did start a family, would that be the same?
- [04:00]
C
Like, I would think that's how it would work.
- [04:02]
B
It'd still be on the road to two weekends of the month.
- [04:05]
C
Yeah, I think that would have. Or the road would be more, you know, these six months.
- [04:13]
B
Right.
- [04:13]
C
And these six months not. But, like, I, you know, there's. There's privilege to that. Like, you have to have the ability to do that, you know, Like, I
- [04:24]
B
Know, you know, like the financial ability.
- [04:25]
C
You're saying the financial ability. The, the, you know, again, I have a special coming out in September that I hope everyone watches. I hope that takes me to another level where I do get to be able to do that. Like, I don't want, I want to be able to be choosy. You know, there's like, you know, I want to be able to be.
- [04:42]
B
Make your own schedule in the way that optimizes your work life balance.
- [04:46]
C
Right. And I don't know, sometimes you have to make a choice to just do that. I think a lot of people as they you're working in your career over a long period of time, you go, okay, when do I go from taking everything or saying this is what it is and oh, totally, you know, like, this is how I operate. If you want to do business with me, it's from these hours, you know, and we talk about that with dating, you know, like, hey, the store, you meet someone and you say, I would love to go out Tuesday and Wednesday of next week. Those are the hours of operations for me to go out. And they say no. And you go, well, give me some with some other dates and maybe I'll see.
- [05:30]
B
Right?
- [05:31]
C
Or you go, depends how badly you
- [05:34]
B
want to go out. They used to say this in the economics class. What's the opportunity cost of you going right. When you're single, the opportunity cost of you doing the Fire island show or the show in Cleveland is like not much because there's no one. Not that wants to spend time with you. But that like, that's kind of like your, that's in your day to day life. That's. Day to day life is like has. Has you as their number one. But when you're in a serious relationship or married or have kids, there's like the opportunity cost of going to Cleveland for the night. Yeah. Is like a night maybe you're, you miss your kid's basketball game or you miss, you know, or you missed the family weekend somewhere or something. So it's like I think that, that that changes also, like what you're willing to do or the price, the price that you have to get for that show would maybe have to be higher.
- [06:21]
C
Right? No, and, and what, and what, what you're willing to lose from your career, you know, you have to be willing to like go, okay, I won't. I, I'll give up that weekend because I believe in myself so much that another weekend will come to like make up for this.
- [06:38]
B
Right. Well, I think it's both it's like the, the toeing the line between those two things is like, how confident am I that I'm going to get. Get another opportunity or how badly do I need the money versus how much do I want to like, how much do I feel like I'm confident in my ability to say no to this?
- [06:58]
C
Listen, I think about it a lot. Like, I think what makes me good at being a comedian is I've never been desperate.
- [07:05]
B
Right.
- [07:05]
C
And that allows me to like be an honest comedian. You know, when I see comics go divisive, I believe that's dishonest. You know, when they, they're trying, you know, because a way to make money is to just say the most horrific thing. You know, when you see someone go, you know, become like a right wing, even a left wing comic. Both of those. When they're, you know, when you're doing comedy to get an applause, you're generally doing a lie to make money.
- [07:36]
B
Right.
- [07:36]
C
And if I'm to keep doing the way comedy the way I'm doing it, which is very much like this is my opinion that's nuanced and thoughtful. Like, I have to be willing, you know, that to me, like, I don't want to lose that.
- [07:51]
B
Yeah.
- [07:51]
C
You know, so that's how I make my comedic decisions. I have to also do that now.
- [07:57]
B
Factoring in another person, factoring in another
- [07:59]
C
person, all that stuff.
- [08:00]
B
Well, I mean, in the life that you just described, like, have you ever spoken to Emily like, okay, if we have, we have kids, are you okay hanging out with them alone two weekends a year? Two weekends.
- [08:10]
C
We did do discuss. Maybe she's like, no, she's like, yeah, I signed that the two weekends a month felt like that would be the plan.
- [08:20]
B
Okay, so that's something you came up with. That's growth.
- [08:23]
C
Yeah, that, that was like a thoughtful idea on it. But now I'm having this like other. I'm kind of like feeling that out right now and I'm like, I'm not sure how doable that is. Like, maybe it's like an actual tour. Cuz people are like, oh, you're touring? I've never thought of myself as touring. I'm just on the road.
- [08:39]
B
Right.
- [08:39]
C
Yeah. So like I, and being it, it, it's just not how I worked ever, you know, Like, I was never a homework doer. I was never like a test studier. I was never a summer reader. As we all know. I'm not a reader generally. The way I worked at comedy was just all the time make a part of My life, because that's how I work.
- [09:03]
B
Right.
- [09:03]
C
You know, like, that's how I was best. That it was like, so much work all the time that it would just accumulate into good work.
- [09:10]
B
Right.
- [09:11]
C
And now I have to be more like, need to take this hour to write, need to take this hour to podcast.
- [09:18]
B
Organized.
- [09:18]
C
Yeah, organized. And it's so not how I am as a person that I. That's the thing I fear.
- [09:25]
B
Would she like you to be more organized, Emily?
- [09:27]
C
I think, yeah. I think I would like me to be more organized. You know, I would like me to be like, you know, when I. People are like, oh, you always have, like, new material. I'm like, yeah, because I'm always doing material.
- [09:37]
B
Right.
- [09:38]
C
You know, if I'm organized, I don't know if I can keep to. Like, that's the scariest part. That's what makes me hot, is like, I don't know if I can keep to write an hour every day. Like, I, I just have never worked like that. Like, so how would I expect myself at 41 to all of a sudden be the one hour a day guy? You know? Like, I, it seems easy to sign to someone else. They're going, of course, an hour a day. What's, what's hard about that?
- [10:06]
B
No, that seems hard. I think an al.
- [10:08]
C
I'm saying I'm just, just not how, you know, sometimes I have to admit to my faults to, to under, you
- [10:14]
B
know, like, to figure out a solution.
- [10:16]
C
Right. So I don't know. I, I, that's the, the part that scares me the most is like, that is not how I've ever worked. You know, I think I'm successful because I have just gone done, you know, and never thought of, like.
- [10:31]
B
But you might be even, even more successful if you do less.
- [10:35]
C
I think there's something to that. So you hope.
- [10:37]
B
Yeah.
- [10:37]
C
Well, and then this is like the, you know, if you want to get into, like, why men don't do relations or a fear commitment is because now, let's say a year from now, things dry up. I'm not working well in that scenario now. I'm just like, loser guy in relationship. I've, I've, like, you know, like, I, I think that's like a fear.
- [11:02]
B
I don't, I think you're so far away from loser guy in a relationship that, like, just the fact that you have that loser guy in relationship isn't worried about being loser guy in relationship.
- [11:12]
C
Sure. I just think, like, a lot of men fear commitment because it's like, I have to change the whole basis for how I do this whole operation.
- [11:21]
B
Yeah.
- [11:22]
C
And when you put it like that, like, I think that's like a fear is like, I have to go from not caring about anything other than work play to like, work, work, work so that I'm a valuable part of this relationship.
- [11:41]
B
Right.
- [11:42]
C
You know, I don't want to ever not be a valuable part of my relationship. I don't ever want to be. Well, Jared's going through some tough times. I would rather leave the woman than be that to them. Like, I would rather go back and, and just be like. And again, this is something men are dealing with, I think, as far as, like, dealing with the old school nature of man providing. You know, if you want to listen to what I'm saying, someone could be hearing this and being like that. It's different now. Go yourself. And I'm like, I think, I think
- [12:12]
B
there's an element of what you're saying that is still true to this day about, like, if you think about take away the. All of it and just say, like, what am I bringing to this relationship?
- [12:22]
C
Right, right.
- [12:22]
B
And I think that's the question. It's like, what am I bringing? And are you. You're just. I mean, it doesn't seem like you're going to be bringing a lot of help in the child care department.
- [12:31]
C
My help will be through pay.
- [12:34]
B
I'm saying it sounds like your pre. Preference is to contribute financially.
- [12:38]
C
Right.
- [12:38]
B
Which is probably a lot of men's preference.
- [12:40]
C
Right.
- [12:41]
B
But like, I think that's a big. Again, that's, that's what gives you pride.
- [12:46]
C
Right. You're. You're saying it way better than I ever could.
- [12:49]
B
Right.
- [12:49]
C
Yeah.
- [12:49]
B
And I think that's probably like, again, like, what does that come along with going on the road doing these things? Like.
- [12:56]
C
Right.
- [12:56]
B
That. But that also, you know, I mean, it's, it. There's other benefits to that other than the actual money. It's the feeling that you have of like, I am a, you know, a contributor. Yeah. Contributor. And a partner in this relationship.
- [13:07]
C
Yeah. And I think, like, you know, why do men run away from the commitment? You know, like, they don't like you. That. And they, it's easier to start over.
- [13:19]
B
Right.
- [13:20]
C
For a lot of them with, you know, and be rated on, you know,
- [13:23]
B
now you have to answer questions.
- [13:25]
C
Right. Men get rated on the, on potential. And it's like you're, it's, you're good. It's. It's what's great about being a man. And then it's like when the Potential's gone. You're just the guy. And if just.
- [13:38]
B
And men like you just as you are.
- [13:40]
C
Right. That's romantic. And it's like. And. And I'm saying, like, you get in a relationship, you go, and this is just who I am. And, you know, if. I think a lot of. When men go, well, she left me. I never saw it coming. And everyone's like, yeah, right. You know, that's.
- [13:56]
B
I think, why do men say that? I feel like it's always obvious when it's coming from a. From a woman.
- [14:03]
C
I think every time I've seen a man, I think it is obvious from the outside. I think, when. But you hear from those men, they're like, and one day she just picked up and left.
- [14:11]
B
Right.
- [14:12]
C
She just had it with me, and I didn't see a cut.
- [14:15]
B
You know, women say that, but it's like, true.
- [14:17]
C
It's true.
- [14:17]
B
It's like, oh, they've been. They've been thinking about this quietly for years, and then they're gone.
- [14:22]
C
Totally. No, I. I think it's. Yeah. I. I think it all has to do with fears, you know, I mean, that's not that crazy to say.
- [14:30]
B
Yeah.
- [14:30]
C
But, yeah. So hopefully I work through these monumental emotional issues that I just revealed. And, no, I'm okay. I am having fun in the relationship. I. You know, the. I love being in a relationship. I love being with Emily. Like, I. When we have fun, it's like the most fun I've ever had.
- [14:54]
B
Yeah.
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C
And I just think the fears that I have are way more. They matter more.
- [15:02]
B
Yeah.
- [15:03]
C
And those are the things that's the hardest part of, like, going from single guy to relationship guy is like, my fears aren't like, oh, no. Like, they just turn into, like, oh, no. Oh, you know, am I putting enough towards retirement?
- [15:20]
B
Right.
- [15:20]
C
You know, as opposed to, like, you know, when. Oh, my God, where are we going to live? Where can we have a family? How do I work it out? Where, you know, is Florida the right decision? Is Florida like a bachelor pad? Is it. And doesn't work as.
- [15:37]
B
Right.
- [15:37]
C
You know, a couple. You know, these are all things going through my mind. I'm not.
- [15:41]
B
Well, you're also in the stage where you're figuring out how you operate together.
- [15:44]
C
Right.
- [15:45]
B
You'll go through that more when you live together, because then it'll be like, how we. Like, how do we really operate together?
- [15:50]
C
Right. Right.
- [15:51]
B
And, like, there's going to be kinks along the way for that. I think that's. I think it'd be weird if There wasn't. What would be the chances that you would move in with anyone and everyone would do everything exactly as you wanted it to be done and everyone would think the way about things. Exactly the way you think about things. But I think that's like, again, that's the benefit of a long term relationship is like you go through that, you work at all that and then you know the person so well that like you've already, you got your system like your friends probably with their, with their kids, when you go and see them, they've got like a whole, they've got a system.
- [16:22]
C
Right. No, I, I, I hope this is helpful to people to hear me hem and ha about this.
- [16:28]
B
I think it is. I think it's like that you're getting into like the reality of a relationship, right? Because before you live together, I think it's like, yeah, we're just having fun. We have a lot of fun. Every time we go out, it's fun. And now there's just like more like what is day to day, right.
- [16:43]
C
And I, yeah, I just hope this doesn't feel like, I'm not talking about this stuff for nothing. Like I bragging. I'm not bragging. I'm also not like trying to like have a mental breakdown. I'm just trying to be as open as I can on a public forum, right. Where someone might be with someone that they're like, okay, this is, might be going on through their head, you know, But I think also like my job is just so weirdly different. That, yeah, but then you can't use that as an excuse.
- [17:15]
B
I think it is and it isn't. I mean it is because like you work nights and you travel all the time. But there are people, there are many people who, who travel for work a lot or like anyone who's like an entertainer in any capacity is probably doing, if not as much still similar kind of like lifestyle.
- [17:33]
C
The thing that I think we're, we're all faced with is am I doing things because it's helping my work or am I doing things to distract me from the problems of my life? And I think that's a big part of growing up and feeling out, like having a successful life. Because I see that a lot. I'm like, look at that thing I just did. I did that because.
- [17:58]
B
Give me an example.
- [17:59]
C
I guess an example is like last night I'm at, I'm at the Comedy Cellar, I'm doing a 15 minute set and I'm like, am I doing this set? Because it's Making my set better or am I doing this because it checks a box and it makes me feel like I did work today? So I've done good.
- [18:15]
B
Yes. And that I think is something we can all relate to.
- [18:19]
C
This is, this is kind of where. And I think when you're in your 20s, I've done work and I've done good is enough. Like, I think because you're just like. And I remember when I told my parents I wanted to be a comedian and I. And I was like. And my dad was very. My dad was very. He's a, he's a cynic. Which I appreciate because he's always questioning everything. I. He doesn't buy it. Like, my dad doesn't like, believe in me. So you're like, just because I.
- [18:45]
B
My dad doesn't believe in me.
- [18:46]
C
No, he doesn't believe.
- [18:47]
A
Right.
- [18:48]
C
My dad doesn't believe in me at all. I've never been encouraged creatively by my family.
- [18:52]
B
Okay.
- [18:53]
C
Which I kind of appreciate.
- [18:54]
B
I mean, you have to. They show they're at all your shows.
- [18:57]
C
That's encouraging. As far as the business, like, I think they've encouraged me as a business person as far as creativity wise. My dad's like, he's not funny at all. He's never told one joke. Oh, who, who would ever read his stuff? Like that stuff is like, stuff. He'll go on and on. But as far as a business person and as far as attacking something, they have been encouraging.
- [19:17]
B
Right.
- [19:18]
C
And I think when you're in your 20s and something, the feedback I got from my dad was like, you were always working, you were doing something. So I kind of believed in it. I didn't believe in the humor, but I believed in the act that you were doing on a nightly basis was you liked. You're hustling, you're hustling. So, you know, that's both nice and also terrifying to me to not believed in creatively. But I can deal with that. I. But it was helpful in my 20s because I was going out, I was doing the thing and it would erupt into something. Now that it's something, am I still doing these box checks?
- [19:55]
B
To feel like you're working.
- [19:56]
C
To feel like I'm working.
- [19:57]
B
Are they actually yielding results?
- [19:59]
C
Right. There is a point where I have to leave behind the vanity of I go on stage every night for. I sit for an hour and I get my writing done so that I can spend time with my girlfriend and plan a life together. And that's something that, like, is really hard for me to.
- [20:21]
B
Well, that's not gonna happen overnight.
- [20:22]
C
It's not gonna. That's something I'm acknowledging.
- [20:24]
A
Right.
- [20:25]
B
But the nice part is, like, you can sort of do it gradually. You're not like, oh, I have to stay at the job or leave the job. I'm gonna quit my job or I'm gonna stay here forever. Like, you work for yourself. So, like, you could, like, experiment with how certain things make you feel. Right. And how the outcomes come out.
- [20:40]
C
I think that's kind of. That. A lot of that is Delray beach and moving to Florida and being away from comedy, that's kind of helped me to, like, keep me in line.
- [20:48]
B
Right.
- [20:48]
C
You know, not because I can't go on stage every night.
- [20:50]
B
Yeah. It's hard because there's no one for you to answer to, really, besides yourself.
- [20:54]
C
Nobody. And, well, now a little bit. Emily. Like, I do answer to her as
- [20:59]
B
far as, like, financially. You're not really, like, answering to her.
- [21:02]
C
No.
- [21:02]
B
Like, you just. You know what I mean? Like, you. You make what you kill, or what do they say? Kill what you eat.
- [21:06]
C
Kill what you eat what you kill. Kill. Kill it after.
- [21:11]
B
Yeah. Eat what you kill.
- [21:13]
C
Yeah. These are all like. And, you know, I'm responding to an accusation we haven't gotten yet, but. Is this about relationships? Yeah. I would say your work and how you're dealing with your scheduling of work and your personal.
- [21:26]
B
Right. That's very male for. For me, I'll speak for myself.
- [21:30]
C
Yeah.
- [21:30]
B
I was never like, how am I going to fit a relationship into this business that I'm trying to build?
- [21:36]
C
Right.
- [21:37]
B
I was just, like, never even a thought that I was like, of. I'll. I'll. We'll. I'll figure it out. We'll make it work. Even. Like, you know, you see from the last episode, Wednesday's episode with the. With the second date. Yay or nay. Where she's listing out every horrible thing about the relationship, and she's like, I could make this work. Well, I'm not attracted, but it could. He could grow on me.
- [21:56]
C
It never. It's never occurred to you that, like, Mike would be like, you know, since you, like, if you step away from batches, that he would be like, I was attracted. I was into the batches version. The. The CEO version of Jordana.
- [22:10]
B
Yeah.
- [22:11]
C
And now I'm here with the mom version of Jordana.
- [22:14]
B
Right.
- [22:14]
C
And that's not what I signed up for. Do you ever have that?
- [22:18]
B
I guess. But my. My mind is, like, I would never not work at all.
- [22:22]
C
Right.
- [22:23]
B
So I think that, like, I think I have that judgment of myself maybe more than he would have that judgment of me.
- [22:28]
C
Yeah, I feel the same. I mean, I don't see myself ever not working.
- [22:32]
B
Right.
- [22:32]
C
But I can. There's a reality where work dries up.
- [22:36]
A
Right.
- [22:37]
B
Well, that's, I think like that's, that's the separation between the financial necessity of it and the emotional and like ego necessity of it. Those are two separate things. They feel like the same thing.
- [22:47]
C
Right.
- [22:48]
B
But they're not really.
- [22:49]
C
Right. And the ego one might be why you make the financial one work.
- [22:54]
B
Right.
- [22:54]
C
But then that goes back to.
- [22:56]
B
Because you said it all the time. Like you're is, you're like you're never looking at a woman like how much she makes. You're looking at like, is she trying? Is she ambitious? Is she like, that's. And I think women are the same.
- [23:07]
C
Right.
- [23:07]
B
It doesn't seem like it. Like society will tell you like we only like men who are like the richest men are the only men we like. But like I actually think that most women are just happy if a man is like really passionate about what he's doing.
- [23:19]
C
Right. And doing something.
- [23:21]
B
Yeah. And make some. And makes Above a certain baseline. Above a certain baseline. Yeah.
- [23:27]
C
Well, what are we talking about?
- [23:28]
B
Enough to take care of himself.
- [23:29]
C
Yes.
- [23:30]
B
Yes.
- [23:30]
C
Listen, if you're out there and you want to come support us financially, I'll be.
- [23:36]
B
So that Jared can spend the weekends with his kids.
- [23:38]
C
Please, please. The special comes out in September. It might. We have may have announced a date at this point. I don't know. I, I have women's hair.
- [23:50]
B
Is it mine?
- [23:51]
C
This is batches.
- [23:52]
B
Is it mine?
- [23:52]
C
Come in here and you have like 30 women's hair all over you. No, I, I, if you. I'm gonna be. The special's coming out on Netflix called the Family Plan. Very proud of it. A batches and J train production. Also I'm going to be in Portland, Maine. I'm going to be in Huntington, Long Island. I have more dates on my calendar. Jared Free dot com.
- [24:12]
B
I have to say I am a huge jeans and a T shirt girl. That is my staple. That's my go to. But it is hard to find great staple white tops that are form fitting, that are comfortable, that look really like nice and high end. That's why I love what skims is doing. You can see me on many episodes wearing their cotton jersey black T shirts or the white cotton rib T shirts. Honestly like it is huge in my rotation. I wear one almost every day. I'm also really picky about T shirts because I hate when they stretch out or they lose their shape. But skims the cotton jersey T shirt. It's honestly the best fit I found. It hugs all the right places and still feels soft and comfortable. It has really is the perfect balance of fitted and stretchy without ever feeling tight. I can't say enough good things about Skims T shirts. Shop skims, cotton and all of my favorite pieces@skims.com after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select Podcast in the server and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.
- [25:09]
A
Want smoother, brighter skin without adding another complicated step to your routine? Try Daily Microfoliant from Dermalogica. This exfoliating powder activates with water to gently polish away dull, flaky skin, leaving it feeling smoother and looking brighter. It's gentle enough to use every day, so keeping your skin looking healthy and fresh is easy. Ready to see the difference? Visit dermalogica.com and use code smooth at cart for an exclusive gift with your $65 purch purchase. You know those tiny back to school emergencies that somehow become your problem? That's why I love Uber Eats. You can order school supplies, snacks and lunchbox essentials for $5 or less. So when your kid casually drops I don't like peanut butter anymore or I need five green highlighters for a project due tomorrow, Uber Eats has you covered. Get everything you need for Back to School today from your favorite brands like Aldi and staples on UberEats. Order now ends. 97. $5 or less before taxes and fees. Select items only. Availability varies. See app for details.
- [26:09]
C
Let's do it.
- [26:10]
A
You ready?
- [26:10]
B
Let's do a couple's court. Love a couple's court.
- [26:13]
C
Love a couple's court. So basically you guys are in a relationship. You want J and J here to rule on your argument you're having?
- [26:20]
B
Yes. Okay. Hi, J and J Subscriber here. Love you both. I need a couple's court judgment about a trivial situation. I 37 female 53127 pounds. I've only been married to my husband, 43 for a couple of years. We started dating later in life. Well, how?
- [26:36]
C
What's his height and weight?
- [26:37]
B
She doesn't say.
- [26:38]
C
Yeah, I'm upset by that.
- [26:39]
B
Okay, one of his ex girlfriends and I share the exact same birthday and every year he texts her Happy Birthday. I don't have a problem with them staying in contact, but my request is that he does not talk to her on my birthday. He thinks I'm being ridiculous. And in his words, she deserves to feel loved on her birthday too. So J and J, please judge. Sincerely, a greedy birthday batch boy.
- [27:00]
C
He chose the wrong sentence.
- [27:02]
B
She deserves to feel loved. So you love her?
- [27:07]
C
Yeah, I, I don't think he could have chosen any worse way to say, I want to wish my ex a happy birthday.
- [27:16]
B
Then I want to make sure that she knows that I love her.
- [27:19]
C
Yeah.
- [27:20]
B
On her birth, on her special day.
- [27:22]
C
I like that. If I was like at dinner with them and they were having this argument in front of me, I. You would hear me. If he was like, she deserves to feel loved on her birthday too, I'd be like, no, bro, dude, that is
- [27:35]
B
a bad reason, muchacho. Bad, bad reason. The only acceptable reason is she is. Has absolutely no friends or family. She is like homeless, on the streets, and like, literally, like no one else will wish her a happy birthday if I don't. And I just feel really bad for her.
- [27:52]
C
You're totally right. Hey, everyone that she knows is dead.
- [27:56]
B
Yes.
- [27:56]
C
And I'm the only one.
- [27:58]
B
She has absolutely nothing. She's very pathetic. And I just feel really bad for her.
- [28:02]
C
Right. You, you, you have to. It's the only way. Well, let's say he didn't say what he said. Is it okay to text an ex on their birthday happy birthday?
- [28:14]
B
I think it's not necessary.
- [28:17]
C
I think it's. It would take a very particular. Yeah, set up. I'm not going to say. I would say 9 out of 10 exes, you shouldn't text happy birthday on their birthday.
- [28:28]
B
Especially when you're in a new relationship.
- [28:30]
C
Well, even if they. The fact it's funny that she writes. It's so funny the way people things to us. Like she's like, he text her happy birthday. I don't have a problem with them staying in contact. But my request is that he does not talk to her on my birthday.
- [28:44]
B
That's a weird way to phrase that too.
- [28:46]
C
Yeah, I don't like that. That I hear that. And I go, you're making qualifications for your feelings. You're looking for like side doors into what you want. It's like you're texting your ex. It's fucking weird. You're texting them happy birthday. You're thinking of them on their birthday.
- [29:04]
B
I don't even.
- [29:05]
C
Right. And then, and then it also happens to be my birthday.
- [29:09]
B
Right.
- [29:09]
C
I, I think the idea that like it's my birthday that you have a tiara on and your balloons and it's like you're crying with one tear down your cheek, like off. Like.
- [29:19]
B
I mean, the. My birthday thing she's using to make an argument of it being especially absurd. But I think it would be a little absurd without that. Especially when his response to you saying it's weird that he texts her on his birthday to say she deserves to feel loved on her birthday.
- [29:33]
C
No, if she.
- [29:34]
B
Okay, but because I'm saying. Cuz I would take. I would take that and run with it if I were her, right? I would be like. So, like, are you saying that like, you have the kind of relationship where like a birthday text means a lot from you to her? Like, are you like, is that.
- [29:49]
C
That's the point we need to get to?
- [29:51]
B
Yes.
- [29:52]
C
This guy is so up his own ass that he believes his birthday text is fixing this woman's life, right?
- [30:03]
B
Which to me is like the crux of the issue with them having a relationship, right?
- [30:08]
C
What do you mean?
- [30:09]
B
Like the fact that he's. He's saying he means so much to her that she will even notice if he. If. If he says happy birthday to her.
- [30:18]
C
So you're saying it's not as done as he may claim.
- [30:21]
B
Yes, if she needs that. If she needs a text from him to feel loved on her birthday, right? That means the relationship is too entangled, right? Because if I had an ex from like college who wished me a happy birthday and I. The. In the real scenario, it shouldn't really matter to me. I should say, okay, yes, it fine if he does, fine if he doesn't. I don't care if she. If I need it to feel. If I need a text for my ex to feel loved on my birthday, I'm not over my ex, right?
- [30:44]
C
And, well, that, that. This is all to say all happy birthday texts are for the sender, not the receiver. There's no happy birthday text I send so that someone else feels good. It is so that I get checked off the list and I can still consider you a friend to me in the future, right? That is all birthday texts. My whole family, whenever it's a birthday, whenever it's Father's Day, Mother's Day anniversary, I call my parents, I call my brother, I go, hello, Happy birthday. Check me off the list. It's our own inside joke of like, I did the thing so that I can still consider you my family member and you're not allowed to be mad at me. So it's like this guy's doing this happy birthday text for himself to feel big and mighty, like he can make this woman he dumped eight years ago.
- [31:45]
B
Feel loved.
- [31:45]
C
Feel loved, right? Like dude, you're doing this for your own ego, for your own emotional security so that you can't get blamed that this person's off miserable, petting her cat alone, looking out the window, thinking of you, right? At least you wished her happy birthday. Good for you buddy. Good for you.
- [32:05]
B
Yeah. This is crazy. She's right.
- [32:08]
C
She's right. Dump him. No, no.
- [32:12]
B
But they're married.
- [32:13]
C
Yeah, you're right. We rule in your favor. But like I wouldn't want to text
- [32:19]
B
from my married ex on my birthday. It's like patronizing.
- [32:22]
C
I don't mind if they keep in contact, just as long as it's not during the hour I was born. Like what?
- [32:29]
B
Yeah, you might not on my birth month, right? Please.
- [32:32]
C
We have one rule. He can't text his ex during my birth when it's my, you know, solstice.
- [32:40]
B
Yes. I have to say I am a huge jeans and a T shirt girl. That is my staple. That's my go to. But it is hard to find great staple white tops that are form fitting, that are comfortable, that look really like nice and high end. That's why I love what Skims is doing. You can see me on many episodes wearing their cotton jersey black T shirts or the white cotton rib T shirts. Honestly, like it is huge in my rotation. I wear one almost every day day. I'm also really picky about T shirts because I hate when they stretch out or they lose their shape. But skims the cotton jersey T shirt? It's honestly the best fit I've found. It hugs all the right places and still feels soft and comfortable. It really is the perfect balance of fitted and stretchy without ever feeling tight. I can't say enough good things about Skims T shirts. Shop skims, cotton and all of my favorite pieces@skims.com after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.
- [33:40]
A
Want smoother, brighter skin without adding another complicated step to your routine? Try Daily Microfoliant from Dermalogica. This exfoliating powder activates with water to gently polish away dull, flaky skin, leaving it feeling smoother and looking brighter. It's gentle enough to use every day, so keeping your skin looking healthy and fresh is easy. Ready to see the difference? Visit dermalogica.com and use code Smooth at cart for an exclusive gift with your $65 purchase. You know those tiny back to school emergencies that somehow become Your problem. That's why I love Uber Eats. You can order school supplies, snacks and lunchbox essentials for $5 or less. So when your kid casually drops, I don't like peanut butter anymore. Or I need five green highlighters for a project due tomorrow. Uber Eats has you covered. Get everything you need for back to school today from your favorite brands like Aldi and Staples on Uber eats. Order now ends. 97. $5 or less before taxes and fees. Select items only. Availability varies. See app for details.
- [34:40]
B
All right, let's do an email.
- [34:42]
C
I love this email. J and J. All the feathers and baby giggles to you. Baby giggles.
- [34:48]
B
Something we're sending each other now.
- [34:50]
C
Happy baby giggles. My feel. Oh, is that because the babies giggle and then babies do giggle.
- [34:57]
B
It does. Yeah.
- [34:58]
C
Okay.
- [35:00]
B
I get baby giggles. Baby giggles are incredible.
- [35:03]
C
Are they laughing a lot?
- [35:05]
B
Yes.
- [35:06]
C
And it's while they listen to this podcast.
- [35:07]
A
Of course.
- [35:08]
B
Yes. You know they're looking for dating advice.
- [35:10]
C
When do they. Do they giggle from being tickled? Is it from faces?
- [35:15]
B
They giggle if you do like a little like, peekaboo. They giggle if they. They really. They giggle a lot in front of Ron if he like whatever he's doing. If he licks them, they giggle.
- [35:24]
C
Really?
- [35:24]
B
Yeah. That's very.
- [35:25]
C
I mean, that's a reason to not get rid of Ron.
- [35:30]
B
It is a. It is a shiny. When he get. When he's licking one of their faces, the other one's giggling.
- [35:34]
C
Right?
- [35:35]
B
It's very cute.
- [35:36]
C
Oh, my God. And for those that are new to our show, Ron is Jordana's dog. Not some weird dude who comes.
- [35:41]
B
He comes over and licks all my children.
- [35:43]
A
Yeah.
- [35:44]
C
So my fiance is telling me to write into this show. So here we are. We need wedding night sex advice here.
- [35:54]
B
You've come to the right place.
- [35:55]
C
That's right.
- [35:56]
B
I guess.
- [35:56]
C
Jared dick swinging freed to let you know what to do on the night of your wedding. I spent more on this dress than I ever thought I would for a single clothing item. It's so perfect and beautiful, but was the upper end of my budget. The alterations are also way more than I could have expected. The finished dress costs will total to about a semester's worth of college tuition at an in state school. What we call it like run like 10 grand.
- [36:25]
B
Yeah, that sounds right.
- [36:26]
C
The dilemma. My fiance wants to have wedding night sex with me in the dress.
- [36:31]
B
Okay.
- [36:31]
C
Well, I love the fantasy for him. This might not be physically possible depending on how things fit post alterations. Since it will be a lot tighter at the knees, it. But if it's possible. I'm scared of the risk of damaging it in the process. I also would never financially recover from having to repair it. What does a batch do for her wedding night? Distressed betch.
- [36:53]
B
Can I ask, what do men think of, like, wedding night sex? Is there, like, a feeling of like, of like, you do? Do men. Do men on their wedding night, are they like, all right, this is what I'm. This is it.
- [37:07]
C
I never thought about it, if I'm to be honest, until I read this email. And then all of a sudden, this became a fantasy for me.
- [37:15]
B
I feel like it is a thing for men.
- [37:17]
C
The wedding dress. Yes. I want. I actually read this, and I was like, yeah, that's hot. I, I, the idea of the, the wedding makeup and the hair, and then
- [37:28]
B
for a man, it's like, okay, this is what you got in. Like, you know what I mean?
- [37:32]
C
Like, like, this is this the vessel.
- [37:36]
B
This is as hot as it's gonna get. Like, no, I just think, like, like, there is a. I'm sure there's like, who will I marry? Like, what will my wife look like? There's your.
- [37:44]
C
Yeah, she's gonna dress the figurine on top of the cake, you know? Like, I, I, I never thought about it because I read this, and I was like, oh, I do get the fantasy he has.
- [37:56]
B
Right?
- [37:57]
C
Like, having sex with her in the dress. I get that. The idea of wedding night sex. Like, I can also understand, like, the couple getting drunk and then, like, passing out. Passing out, not having. Like, I don't think, like, if a couple was like, we didn't even touch each other until the next morning, I
- [38:14]
B
think it could go either way.
- [38:15]
C
Like, I wouldn't be like, whoa, problems in the marriage, right? But this I do. And it is funny because it challenges the idea that this is our wedding day. I was kind of grinning as I read this because it's like, no, it's her wedding day, and you'll do what you're told and don't touch my dress. It costs as much as a college tuition. Like, he has no the idea. Like, well, I want you to be involved because it's our wedding day. And then he's like, and I'd like to have sex with you in the wedding dress. And she's like, I've paid $10,000. You know? Like, it's like, no, this is all a fucking lie. Which is fine. I just, I love that this is a subtle admission.
- [38:58]
B
Yeah.
- [38:58]
C
That. Hey, dude, shut the fuck up. On my day, I need this dress because I'm going to hang it in a closet, never wear it again. But I also need it in that closet to never wear again. To show to my daughter.
- [39:11]
B
Yeah.
- [39:12]
C
And then put on in front of my daughter and giggle about like, the only reason have the wedding dress is
- [39:17]
B
to give it to your daughter, who probably won't wear it. I don't know a single person who wore their mom's wedding dress or she
- [39:21]
C
does alterations to it.
- [39:23]
B
She takes like a piece of it, right. Puts it on her fucking whatever it is. That wedding dress is going to sit in your closet until your grandparents move it out of your house when you die.
- [39:32]
C
Right.
- [39:33]
B
Like my group.
- [39:34]
C
If you were buried in it, it would actually make more financial sense.
- [39:38]
B
For sure. Yeah. I have the same. I have my wedding dresses in my closet. I have like. No, I'm. I didn't pay 700 to preserve it like some people do, which I think is so stupid.
- [39:47]
C
700 to preserve.
- [39:48]
B
Preserve it to put in a special box, mummify it. I don't know. Is that what they do people do that? A lot of people do that.
- [39:54]
C
I mean, you got a King Solomon's decision. You're gonna have to cut the dress
- [39:57]
B
in half to prove the both of them each take a piece.
- [40:01]
C
They do one of those things where, like, you ever see when, like the mom has two sons playing in the NFL game and they wear the jersey that's like, oh, half one team, half another. Like, you get issue. Charlie's in the left side of the dress and Lucy's got the right side of the dress.
- [40:16]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who knows? I didn't even think of that. I guess I should keep it for them. No, I. No one is ever gonna wear that. Wear that dress. I'm sure it'll be, like, very out of fashion by the time that they get married. I think there's a compromise to be done here.
- [40:29]
C
I want to know, because I have a compromise too.
- [40:31]
B
Okay.
- [40:32]
C
Because I sent this to Emily and I was like, I found a new fantasy for me. I was like, I want to you in the wedding dress. Like, I want to do that in my life.
- [40:42]
B
Okay.
- [40:42]
C
And she was like, it sounds like it's a mermaid dress. Which she goes, it is at the legs, tied at the knee. And I didn't think of that, obviously. I was like, yeah, that is a problem.
- [40:52]
B
Sound logistically difficult.
- [40:53]
C
And. And I do understand, like, if I'm to give his perspective, he's not really thinking of this in the way a woman thinks of their wedding logistically.
- [41:03]
B
Yeah.
- [41:04]
C
Right. The. The. He hasn't seen it also, I guess I would assume. But if. Even if he has, I don't think he's thinking of, like, the pins and the. And the. And the. And basically that a lot of women on their wedding day are, like, strapped into this thing.
- [41:19]
B
Yeah. You need, like, a team to get you in it.
- [41:21]
C
Right. So I want to know if I have the same. Because I was like. That being said, I do have a solution.
- [41:28]
B
Okay.
- [41:28]
C
You go ahead.
- [41:29]
B
All right. My solution is he takes the dress up off of her in a sexual way. Whatever way.
- [41:36]
A
That.
- [41:37]
B
Right.
- [41:37]
C
You really made it sound hot.
- [41:39]
B
Super sex. Sexual. D. Undressing. Right.
- [41:43]
C
And then takes it off and then underneath. Sexually.
- [41:46]
B
Yes.
- [41:46]
C
Like this.
- [41:47]
B
Sexually.
- [41:47]
C
Yeah.
- [41:48]
B
And then she wears the veil.
- [41:50]
C
Okay.
- [41:51]
B
And the shoes.
- [41:52]
C
Okay. That is not my idea, but I appreciate it as an option.
- [41:57]
B
And then he gets, like. It's. He gets, like, bridal wear. Right. But not the full dress. And he can see more of her body.
- [42:03]
C
I. I think that's a good idea.
- [42:06]
B
Okay.
- [42:06]
C
I. I can I give my idea? Because I think I really do have a solution for this. I think they live on.
- [42:14]
B
Let's hear your stupid idea.
- [42:19]
C
I agree. Well, part of the sexual thing that he's thinking of, if I'm to get inside the mind of this disgusting animal, which I. This is my job here. He's thinking of, like, the poofy 80s wedding dress. Like, I think he's thinking of a wedding dress being this, like, gown, like, dress.
- [42:36]
B
Okay.
- [42:37]
C
Where he's just gonna lift it up and away. Sure. And that's just not what's happening here. And that's why she's writing to us. She's like, I got this mermaid dress. It's gonna rip. I've spent 10 grand on it. I'm right. She should go to a. You know how, like, those. A lot of, like, bachelorette parties will all dress in old wedding dresses.
- [42:59]
B
Yeah.
- [42:59]
C
Like, they'll go to, like, like, tacky weddings. Tacky wedding dress. I think she should go to a secondhand store or a tacky wedding dress. Wherever you get.
- [43:08]
B
Amazon.
- [43:08]
C
Amazon. Go order the poofy 80s style dress.
- [43:13]
B
Okay.
- [43:14]
C
And every. And now she has her wedding night sex dress.
- [43:18]
B
Her after afterparty dress, if you will.
- [43:21]
C
So it's in the closet. She, like, you know, whatever the. She says she's already spent a lot of money. But, like, let's say it's 200 bucks.
- [43:28]
B
Yeah.
- [43:28]
C
To press and clean this old dress. And when they get back to the room, she keeps the veil on, she keeps the shoes on. As you Say, and she puts on this easily accessible and dress that she doesn't care about ruining.
- [43:42]
B
Okay. Would that still do it for him or would it?
- [43:44]
C
I think it would, because now she's in the man everything, but also the wedding dress. And he's getting again.
- [43:50]
B
I don't feel like, oh, that's not like the sexy dress that she's wearing.
- [43:54]
C
No, because it's like, it's the poofy version that he's actually imagining. Like, it's actually more like his fantasy than the dress she's gonna wear. I see the dress she's gonna wear. He's not even thinking, like, oh, you can't separate your knees more than six inches.
- [44:08]
B
Right.
- [44:08]
C
Like, she can. So I think getting like a vintage Amazon dress.
- [44:14]
B
Vintage and Amazon usually don't go together.
- [44:16]
C
Whatever. What's the word? A used wedding dress that is like big and 80s.
- [44:21]
B
Why don't you get your mom's wedding dress?
- [44:23]
C
I don't think that's gonna help. That's not gonna help. I don't think he needs a dress. He can. Come on. Okay. I. I think maybe you mean if
- [44:30]
B
the only reason why. Why not get one from her mom if the only reason she's keeping this dress is to give it to someone else so you're. Maybe one day her daughter will have sex in this dress.
- [44:40]
C
Maybe that becomes the tradition that instead
- [44:42]
B
of wearing your mom's dress, you just use it to have sex with.
- [44:45]
C
That's the sex dress?
- [44:46]
B
Yes.
- [44:47]
C
Yeah. Your mom's dress becomes the sex dress.
- [44:50]
B
Yes.
- [44:50]
C
I don't know. I. I would love that. It's a little weird, but I think
- [44:53]
B
if you can get like he was at their wedding.
- [44:55]
C
Right. It's not. Doesn't matter to him.
- [44:57]
B
Right.
- [44:57]
C
But for her, he needs her to feel sexual too. I think he'll wear his dad's tux. And she wears. Well. I just think this poofy, he wants
- [45:11]
B
the poofiness of it.
- [45:12]
C
I think he wants the classic wedding dress. So again, this is a solution to their problem. He gets you out of the dress sexually, of course. And then in the closet is waiting this after.
- [45:26]
B
Call it your after after party dress.
- [45:28]
C
And I think that would be fun.
- [45:30]
B
I.
- [45:30]
C
That's kind of. I. I'm already planning for my wedding.
- [45:33]
B
Okay. To budget, to budget for the poofy second dress.
- [45:36]
C
Poofy sex dress.
- [45:37]
B
I love it.
- [45:38]
C
And now when. When I get married, I'll have people. Did you get the poofy?
- [45:42]
B
I'm going to need to get a. Get a. Get a picture of the Poofy dress.
- [45:45]
C
I'll send a picture out once that
- [45:47]
B
happens, and then you can tell your children about. This is my mom. Why do you have two wedding dresses?
- [45:51]
C
Oh, that'll be yours one day. Don't smell it. We did it again. I think we.
- [45:58]
B
I think that's a soft, creative solution. Yeah, I mean, let us know which of our two ideas you wind up going with.
- [46:04]
C
Your idea combined with.
- [46:05]
B
My life's a little less labor intensive.
- [46:08]
C
Well, I was thinking, like, get sexy lingerie. That's like, wedding specific white. But that doesn't get him to where
- [46:14]
B
he's the same thing.
- [46:15]
C
He wants. Like, he wants, like, big poof around him as he's, like, doing his wife.
- [46:25]
B
Okay. Get something heinous, though. Like, huge. Huge. Like, I find that. Shoulder sleeves.
- [46:32]
C
Shoulder sleeves.
- [46:33]
B
What are they called? Shoulder pads.
- [46:35]
C
I would be into it. I would be into it. The.
- [46:37]
B
The crazier, the better. Okay.
- [46:38]
C
The more 80s wedding, like, the better.
- [46:42]
B
Make it like the wedding singer.
- [46:44]
C
Yes. That's. I think that's hot. That's fun. And maybe you. You have. Maybe she has a fantasy now. Maybe she heard this again. I didn't have this fantasy until I read it. Yeah, maybe her fantasy is, like, I want him in the blue tux from, like, Dumb and Dumber. We write to edit. Like, with the frilly top shirt.
- [47:06]
B
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if that's money woman or.
- [47:09]
C
Well, you never know.
- [47:10]
B
Never know.
- [47:11]
C
I'm not here.
- [47:11]
B
We're throwing it out there. Anyway, I think we solved their problem.
- [47:14]
C
We solved dating and relationships. We do it every Wednesday and Friday. Keep sending your emails. UUP betches.com back next week.
- [47:21]
B
Bye.
- [47:22]
C
Boom.
- [47:28]
A
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- [47:59]
B
Betches.