What’s the Right Way to Approach Someone IRL?

Summary

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U Up? Podcast | “What’s the Right Way to Approach Someone IRL?”

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: April 17, 2026
Theme: Approaching People in Real Life & Modern Dating Norms

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Episode Overview

In this Friday Feels episode, Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid dive into the nuances of meeting people in real life—especially when it comes to romantic interest—and how social behaviors intersect with digital dating culture. They tackle questions including: What’s an appropriate IRL approach? How is social media affecting dating and interaction anxiety? What are the lines between boldness and awkwardness in public flirting? The hosts blend listener emails, personal anecdotes, and pop culture references for a warm, irreverent, and sometimes brutally honest breakdown.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Celebrity Sightings & Social Performance (03:00–06:00)

• Jared’s anecdote about running into “Costco Guys” (TikTok father-son duo) frames how we all seek attention in public spaces, paralleling how people present themselves to be noticed—whether for fame or romantic attention.
• Both hosts joke about self-awareness and performance in public places, likening influencer behaviors to everyday efforts to be seen.

2. Sensitive Feedback and Self-Awareness (06:00–13:45)

• Passive Aggression and Context: Jared reflects on a listener’s email about being seen at a country club event and the undercurrents of class and humor within elite spaces.
  • Quote: “I’m willing to come back from where I am. But I also don’t think my parents are being normal about this.” — Jared, (10:21)
  • The hosts discuss how interpretation depends on personal context—outsiders may view satire as critical, while insiders may just see it as harmless fun.
• The dynamic of being "in the bubble" plays into social assumptions when interacting, whether at a country club or in dating scenarios.

3. Social Media's Role in Dating: Instagram’s Paid Features

(14:00–25:00)

• New Instagram Features: Discussion about Instagram potentially allowing paid subscribers to view stories anonymously and track who rewatches their stories.
  • Jordana: “I don't like the idea that you can watch a story and the person can't see, that's annoying to me.” (17:23)
  • They question how these features add to the already anxious, game-like nature of romance in the digital age.
  • Jared: “These variables that they're adding with a paid version will now again [be] a variable that changes the petri dish, you know?” (22:17)
• Mental Health Angle: Both hosts note that contemporary dating is impacted deeply by how technology designs social interaction—driving up anxiety, performance, and comparison.

4. Public Displays & IRL Boundaries: Viral Photo Analysis

(26:20–30:30)

• The hosts debate intimacy signals after a recent controversy: a photo of two alleged platonic friends, hands interwoven.
  • Jared: “I think interwoven fingers is probably the worst thing to have taken on film.” (28:11)
  • Jordana: “That's more intimate than a hug, than fellatio.” (28:21)
• Comedic break: Analogies to Red Rover and the hora highlight how context and physicality combine in what feels “explainable” vs. “romantic.”

5. Email Q&A: Relationship Timelines & Friend Drama

(34:46–46:42) Topic: Is My Boyfriend’s Friend Out of Line For Comments About Engagements?

• Listener background: After repeated, drunken remarks from her boyfriend’s friend about being engaged quickly, a listener wonders if her reaction (including crying in the bathroom) reflects something bigger.
  • Jordana: “You're not aligned. You want to get engaged now. He wants to get engaged within the year.” (37:41)
  • The hosts dissect how new relationship milestones can be weaponized by others and why vulnerability about your needs is necessary with partners.
  • Jared: “He's prying at her worst fear... the response is always: it’s embarrassing.” (38:04)
• Both hosts agree: This isn't just about the friend’s behavior, but erupts because the listener’s own feelings are raw and in flux. The advice? Communicate vulnerability with your partner and address boundary crossing with the problematic friend.

6. Email Q&A: "Weird or Whatever"—Approaching Strangers at the Park

(48:16–61:09)

• Listener asks: Is it “weird” for a man to approach a woman in the park to tell her she’s beautiful, even when she’s on the phone with headphones on?
  • Jordana: “To approach someone at the park: whatever. Weird in the way he did it. ...To just alert someone that you think they're very beautiful in a public space, I think is just awkward.”
  • Jared: “It's weird to think going up to someone in a park is weird. Like, that's not weird at all.” (51:21)
• Big Takeaway: Approaching strangers can be okay, but the HOW matters. Directly complimenting looks can feel too intimate or threatening for some women.
  • Quote: “I would want them to talk about something like neutral, safe, and non-sexual so as not to scare me, to be totally honest.” — Jordana (56:49)
  • Readers wanting to approach should “be aware you are the biggest predator that this person could be encountering.” — Jared (59:05)
• Safety and Expectations: They discuss the “slippery slope” between romantic confidence and making others feel unsafe. The right approach focuses on a shared context (e.g., “What book are you reading?”), not immediate flattery.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being seen: “It was as if it was all a dream. It was crazy.” — Jared, on seeing (and then losing) the Costco Guys at Costco (04:19)
• On Instagram’s changes: “I don’t like that you can watch a story and the person can’t see, that's annoying to me.” — Jordana (17:23)
• On social comparisons: “Everyone notices, nobody cares.” — Jared (40:13)
• On holding hands as friends: “That's more intimate than a hug, than fellatio.” — Jordana (28:21)
• On approaching in public: “If this makes me evil, then let me be. I think you should…If you are drawn to someone in a park, you should do it, but also with the awareness that you are the biggest predator that this person could be encountering.” — Jared (59:05)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:00–06:00: Celebrity culture, attention-seeking in public
• 06:00–13:45: Email fallout, self-awareness, and parental reactions
• 14:00–25:00: Instagram’s paid features and dating side effects
• 26:20–30:30: Decoding body language: hand-holding scandal
• 34:46–46:42: Email: engagement timelines and friend overstepping
• 48:16–61:09: Email: weird or acceptable ways to approach strangers in public

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Episode Takeaways

• IRL Approaches: Fine, but context and sensitivity matter. Compliments on looks can feel intrusive; go for neutral conversation starters instead.
• Digital Dating Anxiety: Every new feature (or lack of transparency) in social media changes the “petri dish” of dating anxiety, sometimes for the worse.
• Personal Vulnerability & Communication: Feeling insecure about relationship timelines is normal, but bottling up those feelings or letting toxic friends stoke your anxieties doesn’t help.
• Social Cues Matter: Not all in-person interactions are created equal; reading subtle cues and erring on the side of respect transforms a potentially awkward moment into a positive one.
• Broader Lens: The tension between wanting genuine connection and fearing social awkwardness or rejection is the central paradox of modern dating.

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For more dating commentary and stories, follow @u.up.podcast on Instagram, or watch full episodes on YouTube at Betches.

Transcript

[Jared Freid]

Focus features in Blumhouse Obsession. When I have a crush on a guy no one knows, be careful. I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone in the entire world. Who you wish for? Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten Tomatoes.

[Jordana Abraham]

I love you so, so, so, so much.

[Jared Freid]

It's blood soaked nightmare fuel. What kind of spills you put on her? You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17. Animated without parent only. Theaters May 15 with special engagements in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello and welcome back to the Friday Feels episode of the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freid]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here virtually with you, Jordana. How are you? How you feeling on a Friday?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm feeling good. It's, you know, starting to warm up here in this weird tundra.

[Jared Freid]

Is it? I haven't even.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe not today. Not today.

[Jared Freid]

Generally it's a rainy day here, so I, I, I. A rainy day in Delray, you know, that I, I couldn't do my walk, so I'm feeling a little down, you know, you know how it is.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm sorry.

[Jared Freid]

Can't get outside and look at the beach.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I have a question. Do you get recognized as much in Delray as you did in New York?

[Jared Freid]

No. I mean, I get New York. I would get recognized a good amount just because I hung out in areas that I like. You know, we are the listeners, you know, we are the audience that we speak to a lot, you know, in mass, you know, on average. So, you know, being in the, I'd be in the West Village, like, it was like I was trying to be

[Jordana Abraham]

recognized, you know, like you called the paparazzi on yourself.

[Jared Freid]

Hold on. On that note, do you know who the Costco guys are?

[Jordana Abraham]

No.

[Jared Freid]

Big justice and aj it's like a father son team. Now. You're gonna. Your phone now knows.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

So they're like two. A father son duo. He's a professional wrestler and the son is like a teenage son, like a 12 year old son. They live in Boca and they got big on Tik Tok because they're like, we're Costco guys. And he's like, I like a chocolate chunk cookie. And the kid was like, I like a chicken bake. And they became famous from this, but they've obviously gone for fame. Like, they really went for it as a family. They have, they are like doing, they are full time Tik Tok YouTube. They are trying.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did they bump you down to the third most famous? Well, they live in Boca.

[Jared Freid]

They, they're different.

[Jordana Abraham]

Different pond.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, well, the Only reason I bring this up is I went to Costco yesterday. And you know, when you walk into Costco, there's like, displays out as you walk in, and there are these, like, outdoor furniture chairs. And as I'm walking up the two chairs, the furniture chairs are facing the entrance and there's Big justice and AJ and they're sitting in the chairs and they're just like, looking at everyone as they came in. And I'm like, is this how starving for attention they are? Like, I was like, they're in a Costco looking. They weren't even looking at their phones. It wasn't even like they were waiting for something. They're just like. They were like Walmart greeters. It was crazy. I was like, anything.

[Jordana Abraham]

Saying anything to them were people like, not me.

[Jared Freid]

I was like, I'm going to act like I've never seen them before. And I kept walking like a normal person. And then I came, I got my wovi, and I go to Costco to get my o. I was wondering I

[Jordana Abraham]

was going to be like, are you suddenly like a Costco guy? I don't see. Also, like, Costco is not for. For men living alone.

[Jared Freid]

Right? I would say so. That's a lot of. A lot of peanut butter filled pretzels for one guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

For.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, so no, the OIC is cheaper if you get it from Costco.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right, Right. Yes, I've heard. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

I went there and then on my way out after getting my. And I do a lap, I like to go around Costco and see, you know, what the. The comings and goings of a Costco. And then I'm like, coming back to see if they're still there. And they were gone. It was as if it was all a dream. It was crazy. But it did. Seeing them in a Costco, like, trying to make eye contact kind of felt like how I felt in the West Village, where it's like, yeah, Jared just kind of walks around here to be.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you want a picture? Do you want a picture? Does anyone want a picture?

[Jared Freid]

Is there me? Did you say Jared? No, you said. Oh, you. You're going to. Just salad. Sorry, I thought you said Jared.

[Jordana Abraham]

So amazing.

[Jared Freid]

How are you? What's going on?

[Jordana Abraham]

I am good since I saw you last yesterday, getting ready for my. For my boat, for my Boca trip or my pump, my Palm beach trip.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, you will. You are gonna love it down here. I mean, everything might never leave every. Yeah, I. I don't think you will. I think you'll see it and see that beach and how you listen. I'm, I'm. It seduces me every day.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's how they get you.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that's how, that's how they get One trip and you're in. That's the motto here in Delray Beach. So I have an update. I, I, I, I have a feeling sometimes we take we tape ahead of time. And I'm like, what are we going to get feedback on the email about the country club? You know that I was seen on the subject of being seen in the country club during Passover. You. And I read it and I sent that, you know, I read it and I was like, and I said in the beginning, I think we're going to get feedback that's going to be negative

[Jordana Abraham]

from that about you or about her.

[Jared Freid]

I think we're going to say we were too hard on her. Okay, maybe. Listen, I'm going to do what nobody does on the Internet, because it would be, it's not in my best. You should never apologize. You should never take a step back.

[Jordana Abraham]

You've thought about it.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, I'm not going to apologize, but I'm going to admit that maybe I'm on the spectrum of. They're being on this on a spectrum. Their email, which they saw me at the Passover Seder and they were trying to ask us, which it didn't seem like their email was too much about asking how to fit into a family other than to like, rag on country club life, which, fine.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Well, that was my issue with it. It wasn't like I didn't even understand

[Jared Freid]

that the question was, I'm happy you said that. So, like, I, I wasn't sure what the. But also, we choose the email read. So like, that's not their fault. That's our fault for choosing, you know, for having an email. And I was like, am I being sensitive? And I, I do think I am sensitive to people writing things online where they take a moral high, a high ground on me. And I think people do that when they try to like, down a comedian. They say as a mother, as a person with children, they try to find a way to say that you're in the wrong. And, and again, this podcast is about being open, honest and vulnerable. So I was like thinking about it and I sent the email to some friends and I'm like, did you guys get what's their vibe from this? And I got people agreeing with us. I got a couple people said anti Semitism. And I was like, I'm not on that side of the spectrum. I don't think it's that they're dating someone at. Who's seemingly Jewish at a country club. Okay, fine. But I go, that's not where my head goes, but I get it. And then I had other people go, they sound like a dick. I sent it to my brother. My brother was like, I thought. My brother thought it was fake. Like, they made it up. He was like, which I didn't buy. But he was like. I read it and I was like, it just felt like this person was trying to be funny and fake, and he's like, I lost interest.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And I was like, okay. And then I read it to my parents. Last night at dinner, I read it to my parents and I was like, with. No. I just was like, what do you guys think of this email we took on the podcast? And I read it. My parents in. And I'm saying this. They were being weird. This was a weird reaction. They couldn't have loved the email anymore. They, like, loved it to the point where they wouldn't let me get a word. They were going, it's great. It's a. She gets it. Wow, this woman. What an email. Oh, my God. My dad goes, she should have written the book. You should go to her to write the book. And I go, wow. I. And I was about to be like. Because I was like, looking for what they felt. I go, you know? And they go, what? No, they wouldn't even let me talk. They were like, no. This girl, she get. She's right. She's right. It's people are, you know, elbowing at the buffet. And I'm like, I. And it almost came. I was like, why are they. They were like, professing, like, it was like they wouldn't let me talk. And I kind of left, let it lie. I just was like, I. I guess I'll move on. But I was like, it was.

[Jordana Abraham]

They weren't offended at all.

[Jared Freid]

They couldn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do they identify as the people she's talking about or are they like, those are the other people at the club that we make. I make fun of with my other crew?

[Jared Freid]

This is where my brain has been working since this happened. Like, I can't figure. You know what I mean? Like, I'm, I. Because I'm like, first of all, I'm like, I guess I think, seeing. I don't think my parents think that there is any tension between socio and economic classes right now. I think that's. I, I think they can't see that. And I see that in everything. So I, I, I don't think they. And I kind of envy them for it. They're almost like, well, they're in a bub.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, quite literally a bubble.

[Jared Freid]

They are in a bubble. In a bubble. They are in a club that's in South Florida. That's in Florida. You know, like, these are the. Yeah, these are. I'm admitting to that. But I'm like, I don't know. I, I wonder if, like, it's like, you know how, like, parents can get like, you're like, that's a fake article on Facebook. And they're like, what? Yeah, like, I don't think they have that thing in their brain that makes them read an article and hear the passive aggression in it. Like, because I, all I felt was passive aggressive aggression in that email. But also, I'm willing to come back from where I am. But I also don't think my parents are being normal about this.

[Jordana Abraham]

I get it because it's like, do you remember that, like, Murray Hill song that was, like, making fun of Murray Hill?

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I do.

[Jordana Abraham]

The day this was from, like, this must be like, 15 years ago now, maybe 20. And like, it was funny if you knew if you were, like, in it, but didn't really think that you were in it, but kind of under understood it, right? You were like an outside person seeing that, you'd be like, these people are monsters. And you're still, you're still kind of like, or, or this seems offensive. This seems.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right, right, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And you're still kind of an outsider of that thing, even though, like, it's you.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that maybe that's why they don't, they're not offended by it, because they're like, oh, this is like a funny parody of, of where we live and we get it and she gets it. So it's like, funny, right? But if you were someone in the Midwest watching that Murray Hill video, you might be like, this might be, like, kind of offensive or even someone, like, adjacent to it, not fully in it, who didn't fully get it. Maybe you're the person who doesn't fully get it, right?

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. I, I think you're right. I, I, I, I was, like, questioning my own sense of reality. I was like, how are they? And they were so when my dad was like, she should have written the book. That girl is funny. I was like, this is crazy. This is like, it was almost like they were getting it. They knew that I would have an issue with it. And they were like, racing ahead of Me, so that's so funny.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're gonna go now. They're gonna go find her and like take her to dinner probably.

[Jared Freid]

Right? She's just gonna be my new family member.

[Jordana Abraham]

I could see why they're not. I could see why they're not offended, though.

[Jared Freid]

No, I could see it, but it was like, again, I think you're right. I think it's. Well, she's making fun of those other people that were. Yeah, it's not us, but it is them. They know it's them.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know it's them a little bit, but they think they're self aware enough to know that, like, that it could be made fun of.

[Jared Freid]

I guess they're starting on the premise. Well, she doesn't hate us. She's there. She. So she doesn't hate us. I think she hates everyone in that room and thinks she's better than everyone in that room. I think I'm starting at that assumption. And they're starting at an assumption that she loves us and she's at Passover. The answer is probably somewhere in the middle.

[Jordana Abraham]

In the middle? Yeah. I mean, she's there. She have to be there.

[Jared Freid]

So I assume, right, I, I assume that there's some disgust with the people in the room, but maybe that's not fair. I'm. Listen, I'm, I'm doing what nobody does. I, I am showing, you know, a little bit of maybe, you know, I, I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm willing to be debated on it. So I just thought that was interesting.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. If she wants to follow up and tell her if, tell us if she hates us.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, that's okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let us know. But we should, we should talk about this Instagram thing.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, we got to talk about this because it does relate to the dating world I'm on. If you're out there and you want to come to a show, you want to hear about my horrific parents, I'm going to be in Norwalk, Connecticut, Vegas, la. La. Tickets almost gone. Got to get LA tickets. It's for Netflix as a joke. Jacksonville, Austin, Hamptons, Maine, Cleveland. Get your tickets. Plus Miami. I'm coming to Miami. And there's a book tour coming. There's a book tour.

[Jordana Abraham]

You going to Barnes and Noble?

[Jared Freid]

I'll be Barnes and nobling it up six. First time there. I've never been. I've heard all about it from you've Got Mail. So what is this story, Jordana?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, so the story is, is that Instagram is testing a Paid version of their app, Instagram in some countries, I don't think here yet.

[Jared Freid]

Basically it allows you in Italy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I think that's more France.

[Jared Freid]

Maybe France.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway.

[Jared Freid]

Okay, whatever.

[Jordana Abraham]

Anyway. You can watch stories secretly. No one sees you viewed. You can see who rewatched your stories and it'll cost like one to three dollars a month. And you can see who re watched your story, which I think will add an interesting layer to, to dating in the ways we've talked about. What do you think?

[Jared Freid]

Right. I, I think, you know, this show is all about dating is its own thing. It's been the same forever. People dating and trying to be in a committed relationship. And the, the trials and tribulations of getting in a committed relationship all relate to the variables on the outside. You know, like, you know, at one point how will, will I be in trouble because my covered wagon didn't take me quick enough to the date and the players change, the technology changes and then it's what does it mean when they only give me their Snapchat handle? This is another thing that gets added into the dating thought process. And what's going on. I, I think you know how many times someone watched your stories. We don't even know how it affects us until it affects us. Do you know what I mean? Like, I, I guess it would be information that you would use to inform your opinion. But I don't know if I'm like wishing for this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Definitely not. I actually think like, well, here's the thing. Unless it tells you who's a paid subscriber, you're going to have to just assume that everyone has this thing. So you're not going to watch anyone's story.

[Jared Freid]

So you think this will make people watch no more story. They, they'll refuse them more then rewatch or rewatch.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess it'll say rewatch or something like that. Right? It doesn't say right. Well, it says who keeps looking. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

It shows you. You can watch stories secretly or you can see who rewatches your stories.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. So I'm saying if, like, if you can see who rewatches your stories, I'm going to assume everyone has this and I'm not going to rewatch any stories. If I give a.

[Jared Freid]

Would you risk re watching a story or you would go to a friend's account, you'd find ways around this.

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess you could, but then your head shows that your friend is watching the story.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't like the idea that you can watch a story and the person can't see, that's annoying to me.

[Jared Freid]

You don't like that you could be hidden, that someone could be hidden from. You want to know everyone who's watching

[Jordana Abraham]

your story could secretly be. I'm not that I'm like looking at every. Do you look at who watches your story?

[Jared Freid]

Yes, I do. And I don't want, I don't want the built in excuse. Oh, I'm hidden. So you can't tell that I watch your stories, but I watch them. Like, I, I can tell who has muted me, like, from the story.

[Jordana Abraham]

Watch it because you, you see who your regulars are.

[Jared Freid]

Well, yeah, you see, well, people that

[Jordana Abraham]

you have so many followers, though.

[Jared Freid]

That's okay. I mean, the people that I follow, you know that I follow, they go to the top of the page.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. So you notice when they're not looking anymore.

[Jared Freid]

So, like, when you watch my stories, I see that I'm not like checking you off a list, but I, yeah,

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess I see when you watch mine.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, right. And I note, oh, I get like, if I see someone on Instagram and they're like, post comes up, I'm like, where has this person been?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freid]

And if I see that that person is liking all my other friends pictures and then never watches mine, I'm like, I'm just going to assume I was muted. They're on the app.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Do you know what I mean?

[Jordana Abraham]

But do you have a, do you have a list of people you think of you?

[Jared Freid]

I've got a few in mind that I'm, I'm angry with. Yeah. That I'm like, and then I see them in person and like, we're totally cool and awesome. And again, this is because you can't ask.

[Jordana Abraham]

They'll just be like, I don't really go on store. I don't check stories.

[Jared Freid]

I, did I tell you this story. I had a friend, I went on a podcast and within five minutes of the podcast coming out, they texted me, oh, my God, you're on my favorite podcast. I just saw. And they responded to the video. It was within five minutes of the clip going out. They were like, oh, my God, I can't believe you're on this podcast. I'm like, I've been muted.

[Jordana Abraham]

Did you say something?

[Jared Freid]

I go. And they're like, you're going to have to let me know when you're here. And I go, I posted all the time. Like, I, I, I got annoyed with that. I, I, I kind of was like, short with that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, maybe, maybe it was a false, maybe they've been Falsely accused.

[Jared Freid]

As if I was a detective, I would put my career on the line that this person.

[Jordana Abraham]

You built a case.

[Jared Freid]

I got a case. I got enough of a case. They're like, you never let me know when you're at home. It's like, no, no, I. I put this out more than anything. It's very easy to check where I am, you know, Like, I don't act. Don't do this thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

I.

[Jared Freid]

Nothing bothers me more than, like, you gotta let me know when you. And it's like, I don't. I don't need. I don't send out invites to my performances. I don't. Again, I don't care if you don't come, but don't do the faking.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Do you people.

[Jared Freid]

I mute people.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mute more people than I don't really so ever. You made the go.

[Jared Freid]

I am. I feel so good. I can't believe I've made it this far. No, I listen, and I can understand that. Like, anyone can be annoying to anyone, but, like, I don't know, it's. It's hard because the reality of this, all this, the conversation we're having right now, is this us dealing with being the beta generation, the test generation of what does this do to our brains, right? And when it comes to IG with these, like, I don't think they. You know, we just saw there was an article or there was a court ruling that Meta didn't admit to that they were being that it's like, addictive. Addictive and bad for children or something. And it's like, this is one of those. And I'm like, do they do human testing? Do they check how this deals with your mental health? Like, no, they don't do any of that. Like, if this was like, this is like, real shit on our brains.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, they don't care.

[Jared Freid]

They don't care at all. And it's like, we also don't care. But then you get like 10 months away from it, and you're like, I don't like how I deal with knowing that there's a paid version that makes it so I don't. That I think everyone is, you know, seeing if I double watch, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Yeah, I think it's bad for you.

[Jared Freid]

I talked about this intimately with getting back with Emily, you know, like, and how the stories. The Instagram story views from her affected me. And. And I was almost. And so this is kind of like, that's. That's why I, like, I really think it's an important thing to Acknowledge that, like, these things do matter. They do make you feel, they do make you your day better or worse. And these variables that they're adding with a paid version will now again is a variable that changes the petri dish, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I mean, if you had a paid version and you saw that Emily watched your story 20 times, would that have changed something as opposed to once?

[Jared Freid]

I don't know. I, you know, that's the thing. I don't know. Would I be a comedian if social media didn't exist at all? You know, like, there's like so many, you know, like, would. You know, right now you see all these people on Tick Tock making comedy videos, and you're like, if they didn't have easy access, like, I remember hiring a production crew to make a video

[Jordana Abraham]

I wanted to make with a real camera, right?

[Jared Freid]

Like, with a real camera and like a whole thing. And to submit as, like, an idea to be a commercial. And it's like, now you can do that in your hand. And would the person who's doing it today do it in another reality? I, you know, it's hard to even, like, look back like that, you know, like, if I saw Emily watch my story 20 times, you know, and then we got together for coffee, maybe she would go have to, like, be way more honest with me as far as how much she knew about my life, you know? Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Do you know what I mean? Like, and. And does that take away the. The. The will they. Won't they. That produces human.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. The mystery of the.

[Jared Freid]

You know, there's humanity that we're losing. And again, you know, we're all engaging in these things and. But we're moving towards a world that hates personality, hates, you know, people likes lonely, you know, makes us angry at each other. I don't know. Not to be sad. I'm like, I just saw this Sam Altman. You see all these profiles on that guy who does open AI.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

No one seems more like they need a swift punch to the face than that guy, you know, like one cold clock just to see what happens, you know? Like, I. And I'm like, man, you know, I don't know. The. These, These nerds that are taking over, I don't know, they. They really piss me off sometimes.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm like, we should make a revenge of the. Of the. Of the cool kids, right?

[Jared Freid]

Revenge of the jocks.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Revenge of the Jacks. Everyone remembers that. That football touchdown you did.

[Jared Freid]

That's right. TD Freed here in the flesh. So I don't know I'm. I don't mean to go in a negative direction. I mean, this can only more. I don't. It used to be, wow, you're gonna have stories. That's fun. And now more feels like negative. Even though more is just more.

[Jordana Abraham]

I agree. It's a. It's a lot. I'm int. I don't think they're gonna do it. But let's see. How much would you pay for that ability? I wouldn't pay to look at something without anyone seeing.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, it doesn't matter to me. Maybe, I guess if I was single, I'd be more. Ah. If I was cheating, I'd be more likely to do it. If I was.

[Jordana Abraham]

If I were cheating, I'd pay a lot.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right, right. I. Well, that's the thing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Deal breaker. They pay for, for, you know, to look at people's stories without seeing them.

[Jared Freid]

Right. If your husband randomly started paying for it, I, I would say my detective hat. I put on my detective hat. I go, we got a problem.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I mean, if they really want to with us, they should do the paid version. Lets you see who shares and screenshots your story.

[Jared Freid]

That's more and more. I feel smaller every day and I feel like I'm being messed with every day. You know, like, I'm like, what is this? You know, like again? But we're also taping this podcast from our own homes. Like, you know, we get.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's a double edged sword.

[Jared Freid]

Right? It's a double edged sword. So same with getting these functions. I have a question for you. Can I ask you a news dating question? We'll go to the. Since we're in the UUP news desk. Do you know the Patriots football coach, Mike Vrabel?

[Jordana Abraham]

No.

[Jared Freid]

He's the coach of the New England Patriots. There's a woman again. And there's a football reporter who's been on tv on ESPN and now with the New York Times, Diana Rossini. There were pictures taken of them in Sedona at a boutique hotel with their hands, holding hands. Fingers like they were like across from each other and their fingers were interwoven.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freid]

And they said that they're just friends and they were with a bigger group. Is there, and is there any way that you could have your fingers interwoven with a male friend and have that be explainable?

[Jordana Abraham]

If we were playing Red Rover,

[Jared Freid]

as my first guess, I said, London Bridge is falling down. That's. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

If we were doing the hora.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. Well, that would be side by side. They were in front of Each other face to face. Face to face. Hands interwoven. How do you explain if you're.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

Denying that you were cheating or being romantic with someone? How. How do you do that? I kept thinking of like, what would be. I think interwoven fingers is probably the worst thing to have taken on film.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's more intimate than a hug, than fellatio.

[Jared Freid]

We have a picture of. Of these two going down on each other.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's more intimate to me. She dropped something on his.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I think, I think.

[Jared Freid]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's. That would not be. That would be very. That's a hard one to come back from.

[Jared Freid]

Right. I was. Because I was reading the article before we started it and I was like, they. They were like they were hugging. They. They were. There was a picture.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can hug someone. Hello.

[Jared Freid]

She was crying about being away from her husband and kids. I had to give her a hug. Yeah, that's easy.

[Jordana Abraham]

I know you. You say you give a hug to someone that you see you haven't seen in a bit.

[Jared Freid]

They said they were dancing. I could understand that. That could. Again, more difficult than hug, but way easier than interwoven fingers.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. I don't think I've held hands with a non. With someone besides Mike before. Since before I met him, I would say.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's very intimate. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

If you and I held hands, it would be the weirdest. We. We might have to take a week off from the podcast. Like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, no, I was thinking that, like, that it's like there would be no circumstance in which it would be normal for us to have inter woven again. Unless we were doing the horror and even the horror.

[Jared Freid]

I would feel weird.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it does feel weird.

[Jared Freid]

When you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, I, I don't see you as like getting fully involved in a horror. Do you?

[Jared Freid]

Like I horror. I horror.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you grab it? Do you grab a hand and I

[Jared Freid]

grab a. I don't have to do the chair because I'm a bigger guy. I always get put. Come on, get in. Help us with the chair. I don't want to help with the chair. That. That is injury waiting to happen.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm a dancer. Yeah, I'm a dancer. Not a lift weightlifter.

[Jared Freid]

I'm an outside circle dancer. I'm not taking inside circle. I'm not taking chair. I'm leaving the. Yeah. I'm living so out.

[Jordana Abraham]

Outside circle horror guy. Do you grab someone's hand or do you wait for someone to grab yours?

[Jared Freid]

I wait for someone to grab mine. I'm like, okay, I'm the guy, I'm the uncle. A little bit strict that. Ah, okay. And then I let go. I'll get it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. But you're not like grabbing the hand running with it.

[Jared Freid]

That's my mom. My mom is a big horror person.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I love a good horror.

[Jared Freid]

Do you jump in? Are you right away?

[Jordana Abraham]

If it's a friend, yeah. I feel like it's your resp. It's. It's the response, your responsibility to start hing.

[Jared Freid]

You got a horror hard. Yeah, I agree.

[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freid]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. So consider this your official check in. How are you actually doing? And I don't mean the I'm fine version. If you've been feeling overwhelmed or stuck lately, therapy can be worth a shot because you don't have to go through it all on your own. I would say BetterHelp is an amazing asset to Anyone who wants to put their toe in the water of therapy. These are licensed therapists who can give you the tools you need to get through whatever you're going through. And also, you can switch any time. No waiting room, no making an appointment that's like four miles away. No, no. You can do better help at your own leisure, so to speak. It really makes therapy accessible, which I love. With over 30,000 fully licensed therapists, Better Help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. They do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, as I said before, switch to a different therapist in any time from their tailored wrecks. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10 [e-mail] UUP that's better. H lp.com UUP this episode is sponsored by Instacart. If you actually care about what ends up on your table, grocery shopping can become a whole thing. And finding the time to do it right is its own challenge. With with Instacart, you don't have to compromise on quality for convenience, you can be specific about what you want, communicate directly with your shopper, and get groceries selected with the same care you take yourself. I love what Instacart is doing. I love that you can free up your day by taking one of your chores and making it so you have an assistant. You have someone to go to the grocery store for. You find the things you love. And I think the most important part, direct communication. Truly, the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop from your favorite stores and have qual groceries and household essentials carefully selected and ready for pickup or delivered to your door in as fast as 30 minutes. Instacart helps take care of delivering the things you need with quality you deserve so that you're free to take care of life. Download the Instacart app now and get groceries just how you like. All right, let's do some emails. Let's jump right in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it 40 minutes in. All right.

[Jared Freid]

Uuppet.com keeps that in your emails. What do we got? We got a Nick. You're picky.

[Jordana Abraham]

We got Nicky or picky. Love and icky or picky. All right, J and J. First off, huge fan and now officially a subscriber. My best friend Lauren put me onto the pod and even brought me to one of Jared's shows. So shout out Lauren.

[Jared Freid]

Shout out Lauren. What up, Lauren?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm writing in with an icky or picky about one of my boyfriend's best friends, James. I fully recognize this leans icky, but would love your take for context. My boyfriend Matt and I have been together two and a half years. He's the best. We live together, talk openly about our future, and are planning to get engaged within the next year. Sooner wouldn't hurt. LOL. Okay, I'm 30.

[Jared Freid]

Everything's perfect then.

[Jordana Abraham]

LOL. I'm 30, he's 35. And we're very aligned. Now the issue. Matt's friend James has been dating his girlfriend Haley for just under a year. She's great. We double date often. No issues there. But since they started dating, James makes weird comparative comments while drinking about our relationships. That feels like he's trying to get a reaction. And he does examples. At a wedding, he told me, haley and I are moving much faster than you and Matt. I said, that was weird, then cried in the bathroom. Okay. Recently at a bar, he said, you're not going to like this and told me they were getting engaged while rubbing my back. That's weird, right? They didn't. He was just drunk and dramatic. There are more comments like this and every time he texts Matt the next day, apologizing. The bigger issue is it's now making me feel insecure about my timeline, which I wasn't before. I don't think we need to get engaged just because they are, but am I a little jealous? Sure. I was genuinely happy and secure before this. Matt says that's just James, but it's not my sense of humor and I don't think I should have to tolerate it. He said he'll talk to him if it happens again. He also thinks James is projecting, which is just annoying. We have an event together next weekend and James is planning to propose the following weekend. Is it terrible that a small part of me hopes he gets drunk and ruins his own engagement? I feel evil, but I'm also just ready for him to shut the up. Also, basically everyone in my life is getting engaged right now, so I know I'm a little extra sensitive. So what do I do here? Let it go and hope it stops once they're engaged. Is this a bigger issue with James or should Matt be handling this more directly? Sincerely, an unengaged batch. Okay, I would like to say that when you know, you know when. When the email person is lying to themselves. We've discussed that in the past. That's what I'm getting here.

[Jared Freid]

Really?

[Jordana Abraham]

Because she says. Yeah, she says we're so aligned in every way. We're very aligned. You're not aligned. You want to get engaged sooner than your boyfriend does. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to get engaged. But you're not aligned. You want to get engaged now. He wants to get engaged within the year.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. If you're crying in the bathroom because someone makes a comment about how fast they're getting engaged, you're not super secure in aligned with your timeline.

[Jared Freid]

Would you agree these are two separate things though that we're dealing with. Like she's okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

And also this friend sucks.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Both things can be true at once.

[Jared Freid]

I think we have the fact that.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. The fact that he sucks bothers her more because she's, it actually does annoy her that she's not engaged.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I think to pretend we're to say we're very aligned when you're not that aligned.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's just like her is making this problem harder to solve.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Because also she's probably not if she's not communicating with us, she's definitely not communicating with her boyfriend.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. But it, to me it's a not so non obvious secret because clearly the friend James know this, knows this is annoys her. Well, he likes that it annoys her. How does he know it annoys her? He probably knows it annoys her from his friend Matt.

[Jared Freid]

Right. And she's not that great at hiding it. Obviously she's crying in the bathroom. So like. Yeah, no, I'm, I'm with you a hundred percent. I also think that this guy James is like prying at her worst fear when a woman wants to be engaged. I mean let me tell women that, Let me a man tell women how they're feeling. But I, but it seems as though when a woman wants to be engaged, the response is always. It's embarrassing. Like I like even when I've broken up with women, they'll say this is so embarrassing. Which I've never thought of a breakup as being something. An embarrassment to go through.

[Jordana Abraham]

Here's why it's embarrassing.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's embarrassing because I think there's a sense of like to the outside world it looks like you're with someone that's not as into you as you are into them.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And that's an embarrassing for both sides, I think in any either direction.

[Jared Freid]

Totally. And that's what James is kind of igniting for her is like because the response to someone who says, I'm embarrassed is no one cares. Like, hey, no one cares about us. But I would also say that everyone notices. Nobody cares, as you say. So as we say on this show, everyone notices. Nobody cares. So James doesn't give a shit that he's pointing out your greatest insecurity.

[Jordana Abraham]

In fact, he's doing it on purpose, right?

[Jared Freid]

He's. He's doing it to get you.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freid]

And this is something that before the James thing, she could probably deal with on her own because, well, it's a little embarrassing. We're not engaged yet. But it's not like anyone's noticing me. And then James is like, oh, I notice, and I'm gonna talk about it. Cause we're all talking about it, you know, is like the worst thing that could ever happen. So that's why it's getting. I'm sure she's hearing this and she's like, well, not. You know, she had a lot of rationalizations. And I think to her point, like, this guy is just putting kerosene on what would have been maybe not as big before, but it is a problem. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think he's right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think it's a huge problem. Again, it seems like they're aligned. They're gonna get engaged. She wants it to be sooner. And I think, to me, I think she needs to show a little vulnerability to get it to stop.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Well, yeah, I am. I am not dealing like, this is something that would be fine. Ish. But not fine. But because your friend is a bad drunk, which also has to be acknowledged. Like, he's. He's a bad drunk leaning into alcoholic. If he can't go to a party without touching people and saying the thing that would make them the most angry, than he has a real issue.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

You know, like that. Like, that's up, like a couple drinks in. He's gonna go give shoulder rubs and tell everyone that, you know, I heard you're having trouble having a kid. You know, like, what is he like? Was he a total.

[Jordana Abraham]

I just want you to know we're gonna have a kid probably before you.

[Jared Freid]

Right? What a piece of. He does the most evil thing possible.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, he stinks. No doubt about that. But I think the only reason it bothers her is because there's a problem. Yeah. A million shitty guys who say stupid. Right? Idiotic, annoying things. But, like. And I hear. You know what I mean? Like, I've heard that on occasion, but it's like it. Only it Bothering. It's bothering her because it's hitting a nerve. And I think that's something she needs to address with her boyfriend.

[Jared Freid]

Right. When someone calls me short, or if someone would ever call me short, I wouldn't be offended because that's not my insecurity.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Right. If someone called me fat, I'd be crying in every bathroom because that's an insecure. So, like, I think for her, I think the problem she has is she has two conversations. One, I am bothered that we're not engaged, and I feel a little bit helpless here, and I just wish I had more direction on what we're doing here.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

That's one. To your friend James, I. The thing I feel for. With her is when I know someone's like, the other issue. When I know someone's, like, a wild card, I kind of want to, like, stay away from them. That kind of, like, ruins the whole event for me. Like, it's like when someone takes out a BB gun and starts pointing it around. You're like, whoa. You know, like, don't get away from. Let me cover my eyes. It just changes, makes everything tense. Like, I wouldn't want to be around someone who, when they're drunk, comes and prods at your biggest insecurity. So. And when he says, oh, when she said that, he calls to apologize the next day. That means he knows it's a problem. So I think it's okay to say to your boyfriend. I. I think I. Again, if this happened with my girlfriend, I'd be like. The first time, I'd be like, I'll do it. That I'll talk to them the next time. I would say the same thing as this guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

But if there is a next time, I think he's got to say something.

[Jordana Abraham]

Something totally. I mean, I. Almost. To me, this would be, like, extra hurtful, I think, because it almost feels like there's.

[Jared Freid]

She's being made fun of behind her back. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Because why would someone just say that to someone in, like, we're gonna get engaged before you and, like, do it to. To, like, annoy me? It means, you know, I'm annoyed. How do you know I'm annoyed?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's clearly like a running. A running thing with you. And so I'm kind of like, what is. I would be worried, like, or thinking about what are the conversations that my boyfriend is having with James that he feels like if he's trying to be, like, a little like, if he's trying to with me, that this is what he knows Will bother me. Like, he means my boyfriend knows that I'm annoyed, and he's talking about it with his friends.

[Jared Freid]

If I was the boyfriend, I'd be so mad because she cries in the bathroom. So obviously she doesn't mind people knowing. So, like, it may not have come from the boyfriend.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, she didn't cry in front of him. She cried in the bathroom.

[Jared Freid]

Well, I. I know, but I'm saying, like, there's a chance that she is. That it isn't directly the boyfriend talking to James. It's the boyfriend having drinks with another friend, who then says, yeah, I think she wants to be engaged. And he's like, not ready yet.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

And then James weaponizes it. So it's like, I don't know if I'm the boyfriend. I'd be. I'd be like, dude, you're with my life. Like, I have to clean up your mess.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, and now we have to talk about this, right?

[Jared Freid]

I'm being written about on a podcast, you know, like. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, I mean, my. My fear, if I were her, would be like, everyone. Yeah. Again, like, kind of what we were saying in the beginning. I'm a joke because I'm with someone who is not in a big rush to marry me, and I'm in a big rush to marry them, and that's kind of embarrassing, right? I think that is an embarrassing feeling. I don't think that that's, like, she's crazy for feeling embarrassed by that.

[Jared Freid]

Listen, and if you don't get married, it is embarrassing. You should have known. How stupid are you? Again, that's not what people say. But that's.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what Jared says.

[Jared Freid]

That's what I say in my group chat about everyone who doesn't get married. I'm like, were you delusional? You know, you feel like you're. Yeah, I'm with you. I. I think it's icky. As a friend, I. I think your boyfriend should. He's got to put the. I would do this if I were them. If I were the. The girlfriend. Hey, we're going to an event with your friend who gets drunk and says uncomfortable things to me. Can you set off a warning so I don't have to, like, tiptoe around this guy?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I would say you can either set up a warning so I don't have to tiptoe around this guy, or you can propose before the event.

[Jared Freid]

Proposal. We're gonna get them back.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. That's. That. That's the boyfriend's redemption card. The sooner you propose. The sooner this problem goes away.

[Jared Freid]

Gone Having a kid to save the marriage

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[Jared Freid]

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[Jared Freid]

All right, let's do another email. Uupetches.com this is called Weird or whatever and I I like that title. It could be a new game here. Weird or whatever.

[Jordana Abraham]

Love it.

[Jared Freid]

J and J love everything you do. Try to spread the gospel of JJ as far as wide as possible. So let's jump right into it. I female 30s. That's a weird way to I female 30s.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's a female in her 30s.

[Jared Freid]

35.

[Jordana Abraham]

Way to write it.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, usually when you do the female 30, you do the the exact.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, I female 30 and 39 are very different ages and mindsets.

[Jared Freid]

Randomly. Had a Friday off from work. Took full advantage of it by going to a park to soak up some sunshine, have some snacks, read and people watch. For context. I live in San Francisco and it was particularly warm that day in the city, so the park was a bit busy as I was chilling. Another young woman in her 20s, I'm guessing set up nearby to sunbathe about 10ft away. She wore a one piece swimsuit and was lying in a towel. She was also very obviously wearing headphones and talking to someone on the phone. You could hear her side of the conversation after about 30ish minutes. A young man, also 20s, maybe early 30s approached the woman. The conversation goes as follows. Man Excuse me. I know this is super random, but I just want to let you know that you're super beautiful. At this point, he had crouched down to be eye level with the woman. Woman thanks. MAN Sounds like she's a. Man tries to start a conversation. But I didn't really hear exactly what was said. I'm assuming it's him asking for a number or something based on what she said. Woman I'm actually on the phone with my partner. Man oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing. I'm so sorry. He immediately stands up, walks up and over the hill, leaves the park. So weird or whatever to try and shoot your shot at the park. I think for this specific scenario, it's super awkward and weird since it was obvious the woman was not looking to engage with strangers, to me at least. But I could also see why, in general, men slash people would want to shoot their shot at a park. It's a third space for people to bump into each other and potentially make a connection. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Sincerely, a standby batch. What do you think, Jordana? Weird or whatever?

[Jordana Abraham]

I would say whatever. To approach someone at the park. Weird in the way he did it.

[Jared Freid]

Okay. How would he do it?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think if you're worried about coming off as. Even if the hottest guy came up to me when I was, like, sunbathing in the park in a bathing suit, I wouldn't want. I would still be turned off by his first thing saying, hey, I don't want to interrupt, but I just want to let you know you're very beautiful. I think that's, like, creepy, personally.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's okay to start conversation. I'm okay with that. I think the. I don't know. I think I've. I've seen men do this before. I think it's a bad approach, right? To. To alert someone that you think they're very beautiful in a public space. I think is just awkward. Like, if he did it. If he had a different thing to say to her, I think that's fine. I don't like that opening line. Okay.

[Jared Freid]

Personally, I don't think this is weird at all. I think it's weird to think it's weird, like, to come.

[Jordana Abraham]

To come up and say you're very beautiful to a person lying on a.

[Jared Freid]

No, I think it's weird to think going up to someone in a park is weird. Like, that's not weird. I don't think that's weird at all. I, I don't know. I, I think you're very beautiful. It's not the line that I would use, but like, I, I kind of count that as like semantics in this world where like everyone, you know, there it is somewhat of a news headline that people want to meet in person, you know, like, sure, that is, that is a news headline. I, I think this, I'm pro meeting in the park. Right. I, so it's like what he said. People up, you know, like, we should be allowed to up, you know, like, I, you're so beautiful. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm just saying it is a, it

[Jared Freid]

is a fuck up though.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

If he listened to this podcast, he would hear two people go, because I agree with you, you're so beautiful. Maybe not the opener. Not that we would say, you know,

[Jordana Abraham]

how about initiate some sort of platonic conversation.

[Jared Freid]

Right? Hey, I just, or even I just noticed you over here. I, I was drawn to you and wanted to say hello. What's going on today? Like, I think that's a, maybe a better way of saying I'm attracted to you. Like, yeah, I was walking by, I just had this thing where I saw you and I wanted to say hello. Hi. What's going on today? And again, someone on with headphones on. I get it. Hey, I'm on the phone. No problem. Good luck with everything. I would walk. That's a time to go away. Right? But this is a public space in a crowd in a crowded park. I, I don't know. There's like, elements of this email that would be used on a conservative podcast in a destructive way. Like, this is what Megyn Kelly would use to be like, you can't even go up to a woman and tell her she's pretty in a park anymore. And you'd be like, that's not what this is about. You know what I mean? Like, I, I, I think like, this is one of the, like a San Francisco woman object objects to another woman getting approached by a man in a way that's manly. I don't know, this goes into the manosphere thing. Like, I, I, again, I'm okay with

[Jordana Abraham]

the approach with being approached.

[Jared Freid]

Right? And it, but I'm saying, like, I'm also okay with uncomfortable conversations. Like, that is the price of being approached. Like when we get rid of people who say you're beautiful, there's, there's like a spectrum. You get rid of like a dangerous human being, but also you get rid of like people going up to anyone ever, you know, So I guess pretty slope conversations. And one Side of the slope is one that like, like, we have to acknowledge, which is the danger of someone going up to someone in a park and, and telling them they're beautiful because there are dangers at play. But, but that's when we have to acknowledge the slippery slope on the other side is like, no one's going to talk to anyone anymore. And we go, well, that won't happen. But that's, we're, we're. It is a newsy thing that, you know, people aren't talking. Women write to us. I want to meet someone in real life. And it's like, I don't know. I, I'm in. I think uncomfortable conversations sure are kind of the price you pay for having any conversation at all.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it would still be uncomfortable if he was talking to her and he asked for her number and no matter what the intro was, and she said, right, I'm actually on the phone with my partner. No issue. Those, those, those interactions should happen all the time. My only critique.

[Jared Freid]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Was the way he was, the way he went into it.

[Jared Freid]

Our critique, you know, again, critiquing is totally fine, but I, I, you know, I, I, you take the good with the bad type of thing. Like, I'm like, like, I guess we could play a game of. Would you rather.

[Jordana Abraham]

How would you approach this woman if you saw it?

[Jared Freid]

I just told. I would, I would say, hey, I just had a thing where I was drawn to you. I don't know what it was, but I just wanted to say hello. How's your day going? Oh, you're on the phone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Are you, are you a paparazzi? Be Chapel Rowan. I saw you looking at me. Get the out of here.

[Jared Freid]

Right? I, I, I don't know. I, I would, I, that's probably how I would say it, but that's. In a world where I don't have to deal with my insecurities. I don't have to be. You know, when you go up to someone, it's hard, you know? Like, I, maybe I would up and say, hey, I just thought you were beautiful, and I wanted to say hello.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freid]

Even as I say that, I'm like, that doesn't sound so bad to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I don't, I don't like that one.

[Jared Freid]

Well, the word beautiful, too, is too much. It's like, you know how different things, like, if, if Mike said if you were going out and he was like, you look so sexy, it'd be better than if he said, you look cute. You know what I mean?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

[Jared Freid]

That I, I what, what would be a word that you'd want a stranger to use for your looks?

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't want them to address my looks. I think it would be implied by the fact that they were talking to me that they thought I was attractive.

[Jared Freid]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would want them to talk about something like neutral, safe and non sexual so as not to scare me, to be totally honest.

[Jared Freid]

Right, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because also you have to think of a woman's point of view where like, you just, she doesn't know how this man is going to react to her reaction. Like, he could be crazy. She's just at a park.

[Jared Freid]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, you know what I mean? Let's say she was like, he could call her a stupid bitch and walk off if she didn't give him his number or something. Like, I think there's a little bit of, that's why I wouldn't start with looks because it makes it sexual immediately.

[Jared Freid]

Do you think it's weird for me to say I was drawn to you? I just, Hey, I saw you sitting over here. I wanted to say hello. Is that a better way to go?

[Jordana Abraham]

It's better than, it's better than beautiful.

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Drawn to you. But still, I think you could, there is like a little bit of an element if you're alone of like a little bit of fear.

[Jared Freid]

Sure. I think there's always fear when you're alone. You know, I, I, I don't know. I don't mean to be the devil's advocate here. I'm not trying to disagree with it. I, I, and I'm not, I'm not disagreeing. Again, the dangers. I'm, I'm, I agree. Like that's something to be acknowledged. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would almost treat it like a dating app.

[Jared Freid]

Oh, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

What book are you reading?

[Jared Freid]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Looking for a new summer book.

[Jared Freid]

Where'd you get those headphones? I love those headphones. Your shoes are cool. I always stick to shoes. Shoes are like a way to compliment someone without it being about tits and ass. You know, like that, like, I love your bra.

[Jordana Abraham]

Where'd you get it?

[Jared Freid]

Right, right. And if you do hair, it sounds like you might be a hairstylist and you might be gay. You know, like, I don't know. That's, my shoes are good. Shoes just feel like it's like the, the gender neutral way to go. Because men and women could wear shoes that are the same. You know, I could wear Converse and we could be in the same Converse. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I just. I think if there's a guy in his 20s listening to this show or watching on YouTube, I think going up to someone in a park, I. If this makes me evil and let me be. I think you should. If you are drawn to someone in a park, you should do it, but also with the awareness that you are the biggest predator that this person could be encountering.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I think totally. Absolutely. I am pro. Yes, I am pro approaching people in person, in public, in whatever. I just think. I wouldn't start with looks, because to me, it's, like, implied. It's like a. I don't think that any man who ever speaks to me is not speaking to me because there's, like, a level of attraction.

[Jared Freid]

No, I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm with you. You're right.

[Jordana Abraham]

In most cases. Yeah. So I think let's. Let's, like, acknowledge that that's sort of implied and just make it a little safe, a safer opening.

[Jared Freid]

Right. Hey, love your shoes. Where did you get them?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. And then if they're engaging, it's a good sign. Can I get your. Yeah, can I get. Can I. Can I get your number or what do you. I'd love to talk.

[Jared Freid]

It's just such a fine line. I think, like, this is, like a. This is a very real conversation, you know? And I think sometimes, I mean, if you go watch that Manosphere documentary, Jordana, you will see these conversations. This email is taken and used in such a negative, negative fashion. And. And, you know, you see these young men who look up to these Manosphere guys, and it's like. It's like. And they're telling them, like, no, you got to be a full alpha. You got to say, you're beautiful and you're mine. And it's like, no, that's stupid. I had. I'm. I agree with you, Jordana. You're beautiful comes off cheesy and wrong, and it's like, I don't even know there's a middle. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

The other side isn't like, don't ever approach a woman in public. Like, that's obviously not the answer as well.

[Jared Freid]

Right. That's not at all like, yes, it is funny that this person saw a guy go up to a woman in a park and was like, is this weird? It's like, no. That's like, aren't we trying for that? Like, aren't we? How did you meet? Oh, I was in a park, and he, like, came over to me and said, hello. You'd be like, you'd be like, what? What the value. You'd be like, he's a man. Can I him? You know, like, so. I don't know. This was great. We solved dating again.

[Jordana Abraham]

We did it. We'll be back next week.

[Jared Freid]

Boom.

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[Jordana Abraham]

Batches.