Episode Summary: U Up? — "When Is Too Early To Reveal A Kink?"

Podcast: U Up?
Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Release Date: December 3, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode of U Up?, Jordana and Jared dive deep into the nuances of early-dating conversations, boundaries, and the right moment to reveal intimate details—especially sexual kinks. The episode is peppered with their signature humor and candid takes on modern romance, including updates from their personal lives, discussions around "icks" and dealbreakers, and listener-submitted questions about awkward dating scenarios.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Modern Life and Adulting Mini-Rants

[01:00–14:00]

• Jared and Jordana open with an honest (and hilarious) catch-up about feeling adult, the pace of time, and moving into new apartments.
• Jared shares his feelings of being "enmeshed" with his mom as she decorates his new place ("I'm basically Trey's mom from Sex and the City," [10:16]).
• Jordana discusses the hidden benefits of pregnancy: "Everyone assumes you can't do anything, so if I show up doing the bare minimum, everyone's like, 'Thinks I'm amazing...'" ([17:33]).

2. The Dating "Ick": Are Some Habits Dealbreakers?

[26:00–38:00]

• Listener email about a boyfriend who sends daily selfies sparks a lively debate.
• Jared admits men do care about how they look in selfies but try to mask it; "I want to look hot, but I don't want to look like I'm trying to look hot" ([27:49]).
• Jordana argues that context matters: "Any sexual selfie is kind of... the selfie has to have utility." ([29:27])
• Both agree that if something small (like selfies) becomes a turn-off, it might signal a deeper mismatch—"One woman's ick is another woman's husband" ([33:12]).

Notable Quote:

"Men don't do things that don't get them laid." — Jared ([33:40])

3. Petty or Prudent? Revenge After Cheating

[38:00–46:00]

• Listener asks if it's petty or prudent for a woman’s brother to call her ex-husband's boss after he cheated.
• Jordana and Jared agree it's "really fucked up" to potentially affect someone's livelihood, especially when children are involved ([39:53]).
• Jared links the brother’s actions to a wider cultural trend of publicly seeking instant revenge rather than mature resolution ("There's a little bit of instant gratification of revenge that happens" [43:56]).
• This segues into a discussion on red flags and the consequences of having "no boundaries":
  "Now you're out there as a person who doesn't have a boundary of a line they won't cross, and that's a scary person to me." — Jordana ([44:49])

4. When to Reveal Sensitive Topics or Kinks in Dating

[48:00–68:30]

• Multiple listener emails explore best practices for disclosing sensitive dating details:
  • Cologne Sensitivity: How to politely ask a new date not to wear fragrance.
  • Revealing a Kink Too Early: Screenshot exchange where a hinge match immediately discloses a "dom daddy" kink ([66:25]).
• Both hosts recommend honesty but stress timing & tone. Jordana suggests, "I'd rather know than not," but, Jared warns, "This is a misuse of the dating app" ([71:23]).
• They emphasize matching "pace of traffic" and not dropping sexual bombshells out of the blue (i.e., let things develop naturally).
• Advice: If you have a very strong sexual preference or lifestyle kink, consider platforms where this is the norm, like Field ([71:47]).

Notable Exchange:

"Things you need to know before we go out..."
"This will... might rock the boat enough." — Jared ([63:43])

• If someone's early sexual disclosure feels abrupt, it's likely not a match:
  "Dodged a bullet and saved your time... this is more about THEM than about YOU." — Jordana ([71:23])

5. Boundaries, Assertiveness, & Communication Style

[74:03–87:10]

• Different approaches to communicating boundaries (e.g., "no hugs on first dates" [78:20]) can set the tone—sometimes leading to escalation.
• Jared and Jordana role-play texts showing how to frame boundaries warmly and self-deprecatingly to ease tension.
• They critique cases where competing boundaries escalate into unsexy or antagonistic interactions:
  "There's a lot of that in dating culture right now. This battle to show the other person how much of a pain in the ass they're being by being a bigger pain in the ass." — Jared ([81:58])

6. Red Flag/Dealbreaker Lightning Round

[61:44–94:00]

• The episode features several "Red Flag or Dealbreaker?" scenarios, such as:
  • Excessively early kink reveals on apps (big red flag/dealbreaker).
  • A guy refusing to return his ex's passport, rationalizing it as, "She doesn't need it; it's not like she's going anywhere" ([90:06]).
  • Compulsive boundary-setting (e.g., sending "no hug" or "pay for yourself" texts 20 minutes pre-date).
• Both hosts agree that how someone handles boundaries, revenge, or conflict is often a giant tell about future compatibility.

Notable Quote:

"If you're petty with this, you're petty with everything. That's who you are." — Jared ([91:01])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "One woman's ick is another woman's husband." — Jared ([33:12])
• "There's a line I won't cross. But you're a vigilante justice person, and that's a scary person to me." — Jordana ([45:13])
• "I want to look hot, but I have to make sure I'm not looking like I'm trying to look hot." — Jared ([27:49])
• "Men don't do things that don't get them laid." — Jared ([33:40])
• "There's a lot of that in dating culture right now. This battle to show the other person how much of a pain in the ass they're being by being a bigger pain in the ass." — Jared ([81:58])
• "If you're petty with this, you're petty with everything." — Jared ([91:01])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Banter & Life Updates: [01:00–14:00]
• Selfies & The 'Ick': [26:00–38:00]
• Petty or Prudent (Revenge After Cheating): [38:00–46:00]
• Sensitive Dating Conversations (Cologne, Kinks): [48:00–68:30]
• Boundary Communications & Escalations: [74:03–87:10]
• Red Flag/Dealbreaker Rounds: [61:44–94:00]
• Refusing to Return an Ex's Passport: [90:06–94:00]

Tone & Final Takeaways

• The episode is peppered with comedic banter, but the core insight is serious:
  Communication and timing are everything in modern dating.
  Being honest is good—but respecting pacing, context, and empathy is essential.
  The way someone navigates boundaries, revenge, or disclosures is a reliable indicator of compatibility.
• The quirks and icks of modern dating are universal, but sometimes a small red flag points to a larger incompatibility.
• If it "feels too early," it probably is; let intimacy for both kinks and sensitivity develop naturally—unless you're truly looking for a specific match, in which case, use the right app.

For more unfiltered dating advice, check out @u.up.podcast on Instagram and follow along for future episodes!