A (2:31)

For what, though? John is a single guy living in San Francisco. What is his job compared to I, I, Dr. Naomi? Sometime I like it. You know, Dr. Naomi, I love her, and I feel calmed by her, like, as a presence. Like, having Dr. Naomi around is a better day. Like, I, I, I. Actually, that's why I love the show. I love you both on it. This is like one of those things where it's like, it ain't all sunshine. Like, the fact that she would have a random woman and the woman's daughter stay at their house. And then every. So for people at home who are listening, who aren't caught up on this, the woman kept being like, hey, are there cameras in the house? Hey, do you mind if I take my titty out while I'm in the tub? Hey, I have a swingers night I'm trying to get to. Can you get home a little bit early so that I can go do my massages on. I also have a side business where I give, you know, massages with hand jobs. And you're like. And the whole way, Dr. Naomi's like, well, I think I gotta maybe end this. And it's like, naomi, get this woman out of your house.

B (3:51)

I have to say, okay, this is actually. You. You've come across a. The what? The One flaw that Dr. Naomi has, she's essentially trusting. She is essentially perfect. She's loving and kind and sweet and calming and. And very mentally. Well, her one fatal flaw, I will say, is a little bit of her naivete. And she's. And this comes from. I think she's never really lived in New York City. She's very trusting, very kind, always thinks the best in people. Like, I told you, I think this, like, when she was staying in the city, when she came in, we were doing some recordings and she was staying in the city, and the two of us were like. We were hanging out, and we. I was like, oh, I'll walk with you, like, back towards this from coming from our office. And I was like, I'll walk towards you, with you, towards. Back towards your hotel in the Upper west side. And to do that, we had to walk through Times Square. And I'm walking with her through Times Square, and she is, like, looking homeless people in the eye, like, taking flyers from random people. Like, she is, like, speaking to everyone who is trying to speak to her who was, like, stopping you on the street. She's having, like a. I'm like, what are you doing? You are Going to get stepped, like. Yeah, like you. I, this is not how, this is, like, not the, the New York City mentality of, like, trust no one. This is not, this is not her. It's beautiful. I love it. It's, like, lovely to watch. But I'm like, this is dangerous.

A (5:24)

Right.

B (5:24)

And that's sort of, I think, how, how she gets herself into this kind of situation.

A (5:29)

It's, it's kind of how, you know, Dr. Naomi thinks the best of people. Because when I do something trusting, all I can hear is the. I would talk about someone doing the same thing as me, and that's why I don't do it. So Dr. Naomi doesn't really talk, you know, because for her, if she talks, she would have in her head. What's that?

B (5:52)

Is it annoyingly.

A (5:54)

Yeah, that, yeah, it's the worst quality is that she doesn't talk. Yeah, no. So I, it is, I just listened to, like, the end of this saga that's been going on the last few weeks from it, and I am like, it's funny because I was thinking of this podcast of, like, we play Red Flag, Deal Breaker or, you know, take it or tolerate, as we're going to find out today. And we, there's nobody perfect. There's nobody that, like, has, is just a saint that has it all. Like, as, as great as Naomi is. It's like she has a random woman and her child, like, living in the basement for three days so that they can not spend 150 bucks on a dog sitter. I'll sit the dog. I, I, I mean, like, how much could the dog sitter be?

B (6:41)

Yeah, it's the naivete combined with the, you know, my family's urge to save a buck, which you've, you know, know, heard extensively about.

A (6:50)

I mean, in, in this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your family is notorious for saving a buck. That's true.

B (6:55)

But I, I have to say, also, like, we kind of grew up in sort of like an anything goes kind of household. So that also contributes to it. Like, we had, we had living nannies who had their daughters live in our house.

A (7:08)

Yeah. That's not as crazy, the living daughter part. Like, it makes you, like, I actually, like, you think about this person and how they live in like, like that's like a movie. Like, that's like a, right, like a, like an art house film. The daughter who's living in these weird houses so the mom can get by. Like, there's kind of like a, there's a tragic tale to that. There's a inspiring tale that could come from that. But it's more that this woman kept being like, hey, do you have cameras outside? Hey, can I use the hot tub? Hey, I like to get naked in the hot tub. Hey, I run a swingers night. Hey, like, there's like a. The fifth thing in this. You go, naomi, get rid of. This is over.

B (7:47)

Like, right? Yeah, it takes. It takes a lot. It takes a lot to. To rattle a sweet, sweet, sweet, trusting Naomi.

A (7:55)

So let me. This is my plug for going back and listening to over sharing. Because I. I'm literally walking on the beach here, and I'm like, my jaw is on the ground.

B (8:08)

I do think people have a lot of success with this kind of. With this, like, company thing. It does make sense for a lot of people. I think it makes more sense for. I think we talked about this, like, my brother, who's in San Francisco, which is like, kind of like a. A place where you'd want to, like, stay for a weekend and maybe you like, especially something like that.

A (8:27)

Yeah, especially a city. And especially, like, oh, I want to go to San Francisco. Like, I want to do a weekend there. You know, hotels in San Francisco and New York, like, New York, this would work. Are just expensive, right? I don't know if I'm having someone stay in my guest bedroom in Delray Beach. I've seen the characters that come through. Yeah, it is cheap enough here for a room that you. If you're, like, cheaper than the cheap rooms, then you're really getting a cast of characters. Yeah, yeah.

B (8:53)

You might be kind of desperate, but, yeah, weird story would happen. Would happen to her.

A (9:03)

I was like, let's start right away. I have to get this off my chest, because.

B (9:07)

No, I love it. I mean. I mean, here's. Yeah, I. I totally agree with you. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I. I get. I get where she's coming from because again, like, we had foreign exchange students in our house when we were growing up. We had various, like, animals that people, like, even kids. Oh, because it's. Because we had eight kids. Because I think my mom was kind of like, it's a show. What. Whoever wants to, like, come in. Like, it's all. You know what I mean? You're past the point of, like, I've had this orderly set weight. There's no, like, consistency. There's no, like, routine. So it's kind of like, oh, if your friend wants to come stay with us for three weeks, like, who. Like, throw her in one of the rooms.

A (9:48)

Like, right. We. We're already Uncomfortable. Just bring in more discount, you know, like, what's another. Yeah, there's like, a marginal addition, you know, like the, you know, what's another set of diapers? What's another glass of milk? What's another, you know, Cheetos spilled on the ground. Yeah, I get exactly.

B (10:07)

You're, like, past that. The past. The threshold of, like, any semblance of normalcy or control.

A (10:13)

It's so funny. We're very much alike and very much different at the same time. Like, my. My mom is literally calling me every five minutes to come over here to put the duvet cover on my comforter because she thinks I can't do it. Like, she actually think, like, she can't let this go. It's like her own OCD showing itself.

B (10:34)

We're really polar opposites.

A (10:36)

Yeah, truly. Because your mom would go, whatever you have, insert. Right. I agree with. I agree with your mom. Like, I in. In certain respects, but this is just. I, I, I, I. I just was listening to Dr. Naomi. I was like, this is unbelievable.

B (11:00)

I get it. But I totally can understand an outsider being, like, I remember even our do run away and, like, random people would bring him back, would be like, oh, we didn't even realize he was gone. Like, thanks. I feel like we were that house that. We were that house on the street where, like, everyone was kind of, like, talking about how insane that house was.

A (11:22)

Yeah, you were, like, cheaper by the dozen. You were like that, you know, that, you know, the, the kids hanging out of the windows. And, like, I. You know, there's an envy I have for that, you know, because I'm like. I'm in the house with, like, the kids in tuxedos and, you know, our pinkies quaffed. Yes. Right. Bunch of nerds. And you guys are, like, playing welcome to the jungle and having the time of your lives.

B (11:45)

So, like. Right. I mean, there's a. There's a. There's a point where it gets to be, like, a little dysfunctional, shameless. But they both have their. Their ups and their downs.

A (11:55)

Like, like people. There's pluses and minuses to everything. How are you? What's going on?

B (12:01)

I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. What is going on? Boring. We. Nice snow here, New York.

A (12:10)

I saw the snow. I did get a little wistful for it. It looked nice.

B (12:15)

It's nice. It's like the f. The first one is always nice. It's like the first. The first drink on a. On a vacation is the best drink. By the end, you're like, that's. I've had enough.

A (12:26)

I need a week. Yeah, no, I, I, I get you.

B (12:29)

How was your weekend?

A (12:30)

My weekend was good. It was my first, like, Del Rey weekend. Like, I. Not my first, but, like, I felt like I lived here.

B (12:38)

What's, you know, like, classic, you know. You know, like, when you read those articles, those travel articles, like, 72 hours in Barcelona. Here's what you should do.

A (12:48)

I should. I could. I could give people. Exactly. I had the most embarrassing thing happen to me the other night. I went, so Delray has a boat parade during Christmas. You, like, wonder, like, what do people here do for Christmas? Like, what did. They had a boat parade. Which is, like, a crazy thing. Like, I would never. Like, you like, what? The richer people go on their boats, and we all wave to them, the peasants. Like, that's kind of what it was. And these people, like a yacht.

B (13:20)

They're on yachts.

A (13:21)

It's everything from yachts to little tugboats. Like, it's like every type of boat floats by and they're decorated. I got invited by someone at my gym. Again, if people are looking to be more social.

B (13:37)

Is really paying for itself.

A (13:39)

The Lab, Delray Beach. I'd suggest it to anybody. It's. It's priced very well, meaning it's cheaper than I think they should be. Even though I don't want to say that out loud. It's a great gym. Lots of women. I would say, like, it's run by two women. The lab. I can. I can go on and on about the lab, but a woman who is a trainer there was like, hey, I'm having a party for the boat parade come. And I'm like, what's a boat parade night? And it's just these boats going by, and they're all decorated with Christmas lights. And then there's, like, one drunk Santa on the front who's, like, in shorts and a Santa outfit with his, like, wife on his arm. And they're, like, making out as, like, Jingle Bell Rock plays. It's like, the most Floridian stupid thing. People are clapping for the boats, like, and, Yeah, I like. So I go to this. It's fun. It was, like, very kitschy and stupid. But then the bridge to go to, my place was closed, so I was like, I have to go get something to eat when I'm not even that hungry.

B (14:43)

You mean, like, to prep so you don't have to leave again?

A (14:46)

No. Well, I wouldn't even. I've never gotten delivery here. I'm like, I just wanted to go out, you know, Like, I. I couldn't get over the bridge, so I'm like. Because it's closed for the boat parade. So I go to this place called Lulu's, which I would suggest to Anyone listening here 72 hours in Del Rey, okay? Lulu's is a great cocktail bar. It's more bar than restaurant to me. It's got, like, a good vibe. It's outdoors. You're gonna love it. So I go sit at this bar to kind of be, like, amongst the people. And I'm on my phone, my girlfriend, my. My girlfriend, the phone and I Hanging at the bar, okay? And this woman comes up to me. She goes, are you Jared from Instagram?

B (15:27)

Was it Hannah's cousin?

A (15:29)

It was Hannah Berner's cousin. Why do you look so miserable, though?

B (15:36)

It would be funny if that just happened to you every week with her.

A (15:40)

Well, it is. The thing about Delray Beach, New York, I think I underrated if I was recognized. Like, I think, like, in New York, I would get recognized and people would be a little bit, like, I would put use the word classier here. It's like drunk vacationer. And I'm here randomly. They don't know me as a Del Rey guy. So this. And she's an older woman. She goes, are you Jared from Instagram? I go, I have Instagram and my name is Jared. She goes, I watch your stuff. It's so funny. I go, thank you. Nice to meet you. I shake her hand. And then her friend comes over, and her friend is like, a different type of drunk and doesn't know me. So she starts going, who is this?

B (16:24)

Who is this your favorite?

A (16:26)

I. And I am like, get me out. It's so loud that the whole bar is now looking. And the woman goes, he was on the Golden Bachelor. And then the other one goes, what? What?

B (16:39)

Like, as a contestant, she thought you. Maybe she thought you meant as. As a contestant.

A (16:44)

No idea. She's like, and you know each other? Like, she thought we went way back. And she's like, no, he's a comedian. And they're yelling it. And I'm like, nice to meet you. They're like, where should we go? I go, you should go to this bar like, a mile away. Go away from here. And so they leave. And then I go back to my phone, and I'm like, posting something, like, as I do. I like to post while I'm out. And I'm posting something on Instagram, like a reel of my standup, because I post every night or something like that. And as I'm posting, the drunker woman comes up behind me and goes, he's looking at himself. Look, he's looking at himself. And I'm like, that's a very embarrassing way to be pointed out. They just announced I'm a comedian. And now I'm looking at myself because I'm posing and it's like, no, I'm not looking at myself. I'm, I'm not, like, looking at pictures, being like, look how funny I am. Like that. That's the way it sounds.

B (17:47)

She's making it like you're the guy whose number one Spotify song is his own song.

A (17:51)

Yes, exactly. And then the other woman comes over and she goes, can we get a picture? And I'm like, And literally, like, I literally. I was so annoyed, I just grabbed the phone out of ran. I go, give it to me. Let's go. And I'd like, take the selfie of myself, so get out of here. That was, yeah, Shoe scat. So that was my Delray. Friday night bow parade, followed by the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen. Someone calling you out at looking at your own stories. And then like, I was with my parents and I go to dinners and I, you know, I've been out and about. I, I, I use the town, I, I use the facilities. I walk the beach, I get coffee.

B (18:29)

Yeah, great time to be down there. I'm sure it is.

A (18:34)

It's kind of embarrassing. It is one of those things. I don't want to talk about it too much.

B (18:38)

Are you like, I should have done this earlier.

A (18:41)

I think this is the right time for me. I think this is, I think I'm here exactly when I should be. But more about if you want to come here, about Delray and the embarrassing nature of Delray. I am on the road. If you're listening right now. I'm going to be in Baltimore tomorrow, and then I'm coming to Atlanta. Charleston Beach, Beach, Mountain, North Carolina. That sounds like a fake place. Tampa, Houston, Dallas. Tempe. Jaredfreed.com for tickets. Jaredfree.com for tickets.

B (19:15)

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A (22:26)

I wanted to bring something up. I saw a video on TikTok. This person was complaining. They're getting Happy New Year messages on dating apps. Are you for Happy New Year message on a dating app or are you against Happy New Year on a dating app?

B (22:42)

I'm four and I think that can't be the only thing you say. It's kind of like how. It's just like the more topical version of how is your weekend? Okay, so I think Happy New Year. What? Here's what I did. What did you do?

A (22:57)

I don't even think I need the. And I am pro. Happy New Year.

B (23:01)

Just an opener to me.

A (23:03)

There's so many people on dating apps that are so mad at, like, the nature of, like, we match and nothing happens. Like, we have to acknowledge that dating apps are. Yes. And then nothing happens a lot of times. And that gets annoying too.

B (23:21)

Well, it's like a slot machine. Yeah, right.

A (23:24)

I just wanted to see what happens. I want to see if you thought I was hot too. For some people, that's enough. But for other people that are like, high and get nothing back, like, honestly, you just want to stop wasting time. Everyone talks about not wasting time. To me, Happy New Year is serving me the ball to start a volley. That is us playing tennis.

B (23:43)

I agree. But I think something more creative, though, to like, start the con. Because basically you're inviting someone else to start the conversation because what are they going to say? Happy New Year back.

A (23:54)

Well, I think that's. I do think that's enough. I think saying Happy New Year back is the equivalent of hitting the ball back.

B (24:00)

You think that's enough? You don't have to.

A (24:02)

I think that's enough. I think that's enough.

B (24:04)

And then it's your job as the original Happy New Year sender to.

A (24:08)

What did you do, if anything? We're both testing each other. Let's. Let's live in a world where dating apps are two people testing one another. We are playing against one another. We are not playing with one another. Again, it's tennis. I'm trying to hit the ball over to you so that you will hit it back. So Happy New Year. And then you go, happy New Year. Okay. And I go, what did you do for New Year's?

B (24:38)

Then I answer and ask you what you did. Okay.

A (24:40)

Right?

B (24:40)

Yeah.

A (24:41)

I hate all my friends. Everyone was kissing but me. You know, like, to me, that is like you to get this off the ground. It. There's turbulence on the takeoff. Like, let's just get this to. To. I think if you're complaining about a Happy New Year message on the dating apps, you are the problem. You are looking for someone to carry you conversationally. You are absolving yourself of any responsibility. Say Happy New Year back. If they don't write you back from that, they weren't worth your time. They just. You just sussed them out.

B (25:19)

Well, what you said, this advice is really good because you're basically saying, just because someone says Happy New Year, that doesn't mean you have to start the conversation. You're basically just pressing an opt in button.

A (25:30)

Yeah.

B (25:30)

You say Happy New Year back there. It's like level two, level one match, level two down for conversation. That's basically what Happy New Year, Happy New Year is. Down conversation.

A (25:43)

Totally. No relationship has ended because Happy New Year came with nothing else.

B (25:48)

Right.

A (25:49)

No people that should have been together, that were motivated to date, that were motivated to meet one another, ever stopped at just a Happy New Year.

B (25:57)

Right.

A (25:57)

That meant one person was motivated. The other person didn't give a. I.

B (26:01)

Have a question for you. Have. Have you or would you? Because we're recording this a little earlier, send a Happy New Year text to someone in your dating universe.

A (26:11)

It's a tough question because again, Happy New Year makes sense for dating apps. It doesn't make sense for person. You're just.

B (26:24)

It's like a Happy Valentine's Day.

A (26:26)

Right. It does make sense for someone you're more than.

B (26:32)

Or just met. Yes.

A (26:35)

Right. So just met. Happy New Year. It's been a bit. Happy New Year is a ball rolling thing. And if your Happy New Year gets. If you said a Happy New Year, you have started the ball rolling. So if it's someone you have a pass with, When's that date coming? To me, Happy New Year, sending that text is like, start the clock. When's that date invite coming?

B (27:01)

Right.

A (27:01)

So if you send a Happy New Year text, like if I said a Happy New Year text, I better be planning a date within a week.

B (27:08)

I agree. Or else you're kind of a douchebag, right?

A (27:11)

Like, what is this all for?

B (27:14)

Yes, I agree. If you send a Happy New Year text with no context, you better. You better be reigniting something.

A (27:23)

Right? What's the drop dead date for Happy New Year? We're sitting here January 9th.

B (27:28)

I think it's over. I think you got January 7th.

A (27:31)

What? I'm sending the 15th. Give me half the month.

B (27:35)

15Th.

A (27:36)

Why not 15th? If I got a happy new year on January 14th from someone I just met on a dating app, I'm fine with it. If it's from someone and hooked up with, it's like, what's the. What's going on here?

B (27:53)

Right? What about. What H. What's the best way to respond to a Happy New Year text from someone you're in a bit of a situationship with that's sent after midnight on New Year's Eve when they haven't asked you to do anything?

A (28:05)

If you're getting a Happy New Year text from someone that you have a situationship with and you are done having situationship with, you should send back, it's been a great new year. All I need is a planned date to make it even better.

B (28:21)

Love it. And you can send that at 1201.

A (28:24)

Right.

B (28:25)

Or January 15th.

A (28:27)

Right? And then. No, that. What will happen is they will scurry away like a scared mouse. They will not make that plan. They will. Especially 1201. You know, we'll make it even better. A planned date this year in 2026. And that's like a. That's like a tongue in cheek, smiling. You are on the precipice of this being not fun. That's your last fun text. After that, it's time to ignore. You have to stop setting these texts. You can't keep joking around the. Well, you should plan a date joke. You get one shot. That's. That's a sniper shot, right?

B (29:03)

You've.

A (29:04)

You've played your card, right? After that, you're just an idiot. Who keeps playing with someone who doesn't want to play with you? Like, they don't want that. They've already said they're not playing that game. That's not funny to them.

B (29:16)

Right. I agree with that. That's great advice because I'm sure people are going to be getting those texts because it's just like an easy way to. Easy thing to say to. To do innocently if you're trying to just like, start back up whatever you were doing before. Happy New Year.

A (29:33)

Also. Right. Whenever I've sent a Happy New Year text to someone I've been like, in a situationship with, it's to like. It's a little bit of a check in. Like, we good? Like, you're just making sure everyone's happy.

B (29:44)

Right.

A (29:45)

It's like going around the table. Is everyone cool? Everyone's cool with me, right? Yeah, we're good. Okay. Checking in. Good seeing them.

B (29:53)

Right.

A (29:54)

You know, like, it was never about me or it was all. It was always about me.

B (29:59)

It wasn't totally about you, actually.

A (30:01)

Right. Happy New Year to me. If you are cool with what's been going on. Yeah.

B (30:08)

Right. And now's your chance to say it's not cool.

A (30:11)

Right.

B (30:12)

If it's not, which it shouldn't be.

A (30:14)

That's right. So what are we talking about today? What do we got?

B (30:18)

Let's get into our. Our emails.

A (30:20)

All right, let's do it.

B (30:22)

We have an icky or picky love. An icky or picky.

A (30:26)

Love it.

B (30:27)

I will read it. Hi, Jared and a longtime fan and subscriber. I have an icky or picky for you. I got married and made to the love of my Life, my husband, 33.

A (30:36)

I love when it starts with I was just married go wrong.

B (30:39)

What could go wrong?

A (30:40)

I'm married, but I'm writing into this podcast where you tell me whether I should break up with someone or not. Okay.

B (30:45)

It's a little. It's a little late for you. My husband, 33 years old, is a total social butterfly and has more friends than anyone I've ever met. He has an ability to stay in touch with all of his friends throughout his life, which is a quality I'd really admire. Do you? On the other hand, I am someone who likes to have a few really close friends, but I'm not that great at keeping up with most fringe friends. My husband has some single male friends who for the most part are nice guys, but some of them, some behaviors that give me a red flag. For example, recently one hired topless servers for A party for a bunch of guys at their apartment where the guys paid them to do additional things I'd rather not mention. And that made me really uncomfortable when my husband told me about it. My husband did not attend the full party, but showed up once the servers left since he wanted to see some of his friends.

A (31:31)

I've also heard as you're done with the additional things. Can I come in now?

B (31:39)

Additional things are over.

A (31:43)

I. How could you be vague about additional things?

B (31:48)

What does that mean? Hand job. What's an additional thing?

A (31:53)

This would be a hand job lap. If it's lap dance. Get out of here, prude.

B (31:57)

Right?

A (31:57)

Like I.

B (32:00)

I don't know. Bj. Anyway, I've also heard some of his guy friends say things about women that make me uncomfortable, commenting on the weight of women they've slept with. Etc. Here's my question. Do I need to also have a relationship with these friends of his that I don't really like? Is it a red flag that he maintains relationships with friends that like to partake in these activities? For the record, he has other friends that I'm much closer to and much more comfortable around with the holidays coming up. We've been invited to some parties with these guys and I don't really want to go, but my husband says that they're not bad guys, just a little stupid. Am I being too picky and should.

A (32:34)

I pay for the additional things and to to know when people should show up for additional things and not show up for additional things?

B (32:43)

That's probably what the Venmo request said. Additional things.

A (32:48)

We have new merch now.

B (32:50)

Additional things. Am I being too picky and should I just go along with it or follow my gut that these guys are a little icky and I don't need to have a relationship with them. So icky or picky? My husband's rowdy friends or is it actually icky to spend time with them? Thank you.

A (33:06)

I love this question because it's sometimes something we don't talk about enough on this show and we, you know, in the beginning we made fun of like a married and I'm writing into this podcast. We want more married people to write in. We want more married people to write in with stuff like this because I think problems don't stop.

B (33:23)

Right?

A (33:23)

The problems don't stop. And like the male, female nature of this show, like marriage and dealing with the friends and how different people look at these things from different perspectives. That's what this show's all about. And to me there is nothing more modern relationships Than this email. You know, you have the wife of someone with a big group of friends, and we hired strippers, and it's openly talked about. Like, I don't remember my parents being talking about this, you know, like, right.

B (33:52)

Probably not. I mean, yeah, right.

A (33:56)

It just. Yeah, totally. So I'm happy they send this in. I want more emails like this. UUP.com keep sending them in. If you're married, send us your questions about your husbands and wives. Like, we want those questions. Jordana, how do you feel about this email?

B (34:12)

I feel like it makes sense to me. I think guys have. Especially guys who are, like, have big group of friends. There's always a few guys in that group that. At least one that's, like, the shady guy who's, like, kind of disgusting and saying absurd things. And I think male friendships, a lot of them are not that deep, and they're not, like, evaluating them based on their morality, and they're not evaluating them based on how good of a friend they are. Like, I think as women, we're doing that a lot, which is probably maybe why we'd have less big of a group. Or it might be a bigger. You might evaluate someone's moral character more when you're deciding if they should be your friend or not. And I think men are not thinking about them that deeply, and they're also not going out of their way to, like, make a stand of, like, don't say that about women, or you're disgusting. Like, I think that's something we do more than they do.

A (35:06)

I've never had a friend breakup. Jordana, have you had a friend breakup?

B (35:11)

Of course.

A (35:12)

Yeah. So I, I, I don't even know the meaning of that. I will say. I. I will say you with Mike's friends made me appreciate you more because you do have this. You. This is not just Jordana saying things. You do have this policy with Mike's friends. There are friends that I could tell you're closer with. There's other friends. And I'm like, how does Jordana deal with this guy? And you get it. Like, you kind of. You get it as far as, like. Because I agree. I don't. I've never. I, I would never. Sometimes friends, I think, like, guys are okay with, like, means to an end, like, more than women are, like, like, making a hard decision. Like, even this dating, this podcast, the reason women like this show is, like, a lot of times, and I think, stupidly, they're looking to this, like, this tribunal of women who will tell them what is okay and not okay.

B (36:09)

Right.

A (36:09)

And I don't think any man really looks at things. And for better and worse, you know, like. Like, it. You know, for worse, because maybe men should be thinking more about, like, the dick pic they're sending. Like, what would people. Like, is it okay? You know, like, what would people think? But, you know, when it comes to, like, my friendships and who I associate with, you know, I don't want to be associated with a bunch of guys known as pieces of, but I know that a few pieces of are gonna be way in there. They're gonna sneak their way, right? This is gonna be. Because, like, I'm thinking of, like, and.

B (36:49)

They might not be a friend that you would make today, but they're a friend you've had forever that maybe hasn't grown up with the rest of you.

A (36:57)

And I'm not texting them every day, like, but, like, I'll. There's guys I'll text that I. About specific things. Like, I don't need my friend to be a friend for everything. Like, I need some friends to be someone I talk to about gambling on football, right? Like, I need some friend. And again, means to an end, a lot of these friendships, like, you know, the people that I lean on for my personal, like, problems, they're not the same guys I lean on for. Like, hey, we got a group, and we're going on a bachelor party. And that room will be additional things room. And this room will be married guy room, you know? Like, I don't.

B (37:34)

Yeah, I agree. I think the most important thing is that, like, is the way that her husband, again, is, like, placing those. Like, is your husband going to that guy with the additional things for, like, relationship advice? Does he truly value his opinion?

A (37:51)

That's right.

B (37:52)

That's like. That's maybe a bigger red flag if Mike had a friend like that. That. That he, like, really took his word, you know, fairly seriously, or, like, thought he was the coolest guy ever, like, wanted to be like him.

A (38:07)

Also, is he putting you in positions to hang out with this guy where you know things that are uncomfortable to know while in circumstances that you shouldn't know those things, like, you know, like, to me, like, for her, she's like, when can I opt in, opt out? It's like, how about you be perfectly honest with how you feel about your husband's friends to him while also understanding that he needs these people in some way or form, or he feels like he can't just disown them. So have empathy for his position as someone who was in the Circles of these people. But also, you don't have to, like, be empathetic to everything. Like, if he was like, hey, we gotta go to. We gotta go to Bruno's part, you know, 15th anniversary party with his wife he cheats on. And you're like, I don't think we have to go to that. Like, I don't want to be a part of that. Like, that. That's a totally normal conversation. But now if he's like, hey, Brungo is having a 40th birthday, and he's invited us all, and, you know, we're gonna be drinking beers at this dive bar. Like, that doesn't mean you don't. Like, you can be like, oh, I'll go to that. You know, it's like, Hooters, whatever. Right, right, right. Have fun with what he brings. That's not an uncomfortable. You know what I mean?

B (39:27)

Right. That's sort of been my. And maybe this is, like, controversial or wrong, but that's sort of been my feeling towards that, where it's like, these people are entertaining in their own absurd way where I would never want to be dating them or would never introduce them to anyone that I liked to date them if they're single or, like, yes, I'm asked, right? I'm going, and I'm gonna take exactly what my husband takes from them, which is just like an. An entertaining, like, laugh at. Like, someone who's, like, absurd and, like, is kind of, like a little bit of a joke.

A (40:01)

I mean, you know, to be more personal on this, I'm being put in a position where I'm meeting a lot of new people right now, more so than I Like, I'm meeting people in Florida where they're like, so, you know, we got a group here. You're more than welcome. Like, I'm being, like, offered into these groups. I didn't. I don't want to make. I'm like the bad guy on a reality show. I'm like, I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to live at the beach in Delray and not cause any problems. But I'm. And I'm getting. She mentioned, like, commenting on the weight of women they slept with, which I. I like. Not a funny thing to me. Not like. But it's something you hear as a guy around other guys, the way they think it's an okay thing to say, and I don't like it. But I'm not. Again, like you said, I'm not standing up being like, I will tell you, sir, that is not how I speak, you know, Like, I, I don't wanna, But I'm also, like, not trying to be around those people. Like, you know, you come in contact with them and I go, okay, good to know. For when I'm invited to, hey, we're all hanging in a bar. I'm gonna put that on their resume and decide whether I want to hang with the guy who says things that I don't agree with, that I have to kind of like ignore or be put in an uncomfortable position. Like, I, I do weigh those things out with people I hang out with. With.

B (41:19)

Yeah, no, and I think that's, like, that's good. And I think that that's like all almost like you could ask for in this situation. Like, I don't think they need to publicly, you know, publicly disavow all of these friends.

A (41:34)

Right.

B (41:35)

Again, if they say some, if they say something up like that, I think you could say, it'd be nice to hear. That's up.

A (41:42)

Right, right. I, I, I, I do enjoy when I say, like, when I get a vibe from someone and then I go to someone else, I'm like, how do you feel about that guy? And they're like, oh, boy. I'm like, I feel like a sense of relief. Like, I think it's okay.

B (41:59)

That's what you want, right?

A (42:00)

Right. It's okay for this emailer to go, what do you think of that guy? And like, and have your husband kind of give his, you know, his, like, one paragraph review. I, I have a bad story. I once I, I think I got drunk one night and I, like, someone asked me about a comedian and they were like, how do you feel about this person? And I gave my, like, well, here's my review. And then the comedian came back to me and was like, hey, I spoke to a friend and they said this, this, this and that. And it's like they literally said back to me exactly what I would say about them.

B (42:40)

And I'm like, that's crazy.

A (42:42)

Yeah, yeah, it was pretty bad. And I'm like, yeah. I was like, well, I'm sorry you heard. Like, I didn't know what to even respond.

B (42:51)

I didn't even think that would get back to you.

A (42:52)

Right, right. Like, no one wants, like, your unadulterated review of someone is, like, not anyone's business. But, like, as a couple, I think that can, like, let you guys get to, like, know each other, like, hearing it back, though. I was like, yeah, they shouldn't tell what I would say. Right. I, I, well, obviously they were more of a friend to them than they were to me, you know, so.

B (43:14)

Right. That seems like a setup or something. I like from something for Mean Girls.

A (43:19)

Absolutely brutal. Very uncomfortable. Yeah. And it's like, it was like my review of their comedy. Like, it was like. Like, it's like the last thing I would want to hear from any other comedian.

B (43:32)

That's crazy level of. That's an insane level of lack of social skills to. To ask you and then to go back and say it. It's one thing if you were, like, going on a rant about them completely, like, independently.

A (43:45)

Right. I was just drunk enough to, like, foggy, remember saying these things, but, like, I don't remember when and where it was. I felt like it was a dream I was having rehashed, you know, like. Yeah, but I. I mean, but again, if that were my wife that said it to me, like, you know, if I. If my wife gave me a review of, like, what they felt of this one friend and I was, like, way off from them, I would. It would be something to discuss. Also, it would make me feel closer to them if they had the exact same review or something close or saw something different. So, yeah, this is less icky on your husband and more like, I. I like that he has a wide net. I. I think I would like that as someone who's, like, got a close circle of friends, like, it's fun to watch your world from my angle. Like, I. I think it's, like, actually a green flag of sorts.

B (44:35)

Yeah. But I think you don't have to think of it. I don't think because someone is a friend. Friend can mean a million different things. Like, if this person was their best friend, that might be a little concerning. But if they're just like, someone who's also at the super bowl party doing additional things and.

A (44:52)

And it's fine.

B (44:53)

There's some. There's some enter. I think that men have a lot of, like, entertainment value from that person who's almost, like, throwing themselves on the, like, ridiculous, like, cross to be made fun of and get it gotten attention by.

A (45:08)

It's also very important to understand that men are just not as ruthless dictators as women are with their friendships. Like, the way women are with their friendships. Not as deep. Yeah, that's a. That's a fair way to put it. Because I'm like. And the ones that they're deep with, like, yeah, not gushing. Like, I'm never like. Even my deep friends, I'm not like, they're the most. You're such a good friend, beautiful person. Yeah, I don't. I feel like sometimes women, you know, hang out at night. It's just them and their PJs sitting with their faces three inches apart, staring into one another's eyes, telling each other how good of friends they are to one another. Like, I feel like that's a very female and yeah. So.

B (45:55)

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A (45:57)

Right?

B (45:58)

And the best part? They accept Discover. Except Discover in a little place like this? I don't think so. Jennifer. Oh yeah, huh. Discover is accepted where I like to shop.

A (46:07)

Come on, baby, get with the times.

B (46:10)

Right? So we shouldn't get the parachute pants. These are making a comeback, I think.

A (46:17)

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B (47:22)

Let's do it. You want to read this one?

A (47:24)

We have another email. J and J. Big fan of the podcast, proud subscriber of benefits and Jared's Patreon. Thank you Patreon Where I'm doing some video now for context. I'm a guy in my mid-30s and live in a large city. I wanted to propose a new segment I'm calling Tolerate or Tap Out. This segment pertains to situations that occur during the first one through three dates. Something happens and you have to decide to tolerate and keep moving forward or tap out and walk away while it's still very early. Jordana, does that sound like Red flag or Deal Breaker to you?

B (48:02)

To me that sounds exactly like Red flag or deal breaker. I guess because he's making it time bound, he's like it's red flag or deal breaker, but only for the first three dates.

A (48:12)

Like, okay, I, I guess I, I.

B (48:16)

Appreciate the effort and creativity.

A (48:18)

Right. And tolerator tap out does spell it out a little bit more than red flag or deal breaker. Like red flag or deal breaker could be confusing. I can understand.

B (48:26)

Right. But a deal break, I mean, a red flag is something you might just tolerate that it's not your favorite thing. And tap out, it's kind of another word for deal breaker.

A (48:35)

This sounds like. What's that? That tick tocker that steals all our stuff? The Whatever her name is.

B (48:42)

Oh, no, the other one.

A (48:44)

The other one. Red flag or Nah. Okay, okay, so let's do their red flagger. Deal breaker, Tolerator tap out. We'll play their game. Tolerators. They are.

B (48:59)

Yes, I appreciate it.

A (49:00)

Yes, I appreciate there. They can do whatever they want. And thank you for their subscription and patreon. Okay, here's my situation. I met a girl around my age at a dinner event in early November. We hit it off and ended up exchanging numbers. We scheduled a date about 10 days later. The date was an activity and brunch. I thought things went well and we both had a great time. I was proactive with scheduling the next date, but due to Thanksgiving and her work commitments, the scheduling got pushed about three weeks. We also had minimal texting between dates, with most communication being about setting up the date and time. We ultimately made a date, but she ended up canceling that morning and said she wanted to move forward just as friends. I believe strongly in Jared's advice that instead of being confused, you have to be turned off. I had a gut feeling this would happen, but ultimately kept working towards setting up the second date. In hindsight, I should have chosen to tap out instead of choosing to tolerate. Would love to hear your thoughts on the situation and new segment idea. Thanks for all you do. Signed, Modern Dating Millennial. What do you think, Jordan?

B (49:58)

This email is so male. Only men could turn someone rejecting them into their own. Red flag or deal breaker. It's like red flag or deal breaker. She's not interested in me. Is that a. Is that a deal breaker for her or.

A (50:20)

Turning me down? Should I have turned around first?

B (50:23)

That's basically what he's saying is like. But there's no red. There's no like red flag or deal breaker here. Like, she's reject. She's said she doesn't want to date you and all of her actions were leading to her being on the fence and then deciding ultimately the answer was A no.

A (50:36)

Right.

B (50:37)

So, I mean, he could have. He could have tried less hard, but it. The outcome would have been exactly the same. This is exactly. This. This happened exactly as it should. This is the. The course of the sun rises in the east. And, you know, this is what. This is exactly how this should have gone. I don't think there's any behavior that's, like, odd or weird. Like, he went on a date with a woman. He was more interested in it than her. She kind of pushed it off for a few weeks, and then ultimately, when faced with the actual date, said, and I'm not in.

A (51:07)

Yeah. That's the hardest part of it. That's why we have a dating podcast, because you can do everything right, and it still might not work out. That's why there's no rules. That's why dating is to be discussed. That's why this show is here. Like, he did everything right.

B (51:28)

Right.

A (51:28)

He went to the event, met in real life. Some other woman will go, this is the most wonderful guy in the world. He did everything I've been looking for. I can't believe it took me this long to find this guy. And this woman is going, oh, he's not getting the point. Just stop texting me. I gotta cancel on him. She. One person's nudge is another person's magnificent relationship, and that's what this is.

B (52:01)

Yeah. And I mean, here it's interesting because he's like, should I have done this differently? It's like, you did absolutely nothing wrong. You. You had a. You had an. You had a good time on a date, and you asked someone out on another date. There's no way you could have. Like, I think he's trying to come up with this. This mechanism for saving himself time or energy. But, like, listen, you didn't waste that much time. You went on one date and then you tried to set up a second date. You didn't actually have to leave your house. You didn't actually go anywhere. Like, we don't need to, like, come up with a rule here. Everything happened as it should.

A (52:35)

Right. And. And. And that's. And again, I want to make sure we say to him, like, it's funny. We made fun of him.

B (52:42)

You.

A (52:43)

You know, to say, like, only keep being this person. Keep being this person. Like, you, you.

B (52:50)

You.

A (52:51)

You're again, that, like, mix that we talk about of, like, romantic and delusional.

B (52:58)

And it's, like, naive or. Or, like, bitter. Yeah.

A (53:02)

Right. This was right, because his mix was I. I see something. And even him saying, we both Had a good time. That's delusion. You had a good time.

B (53:15)

She.

A (53:16)

She was nice. And you can't really find that out until you kind of swan dive head first into the pool of. I like this person. And this is stuff like, you know, personally, I hold back from. Sometimes I get too caught up in the. In the logistics and the, ah, this will never happen. I don't want to disappoint someone that I don't make the second date. That was fun, but shouldn't have been more fun. You let yourself get carried away and now you're emailing us because you feel a little butthurt about it and that's okay.

B (53:50)

Right? And here's the thing, like to come up to make a rule. Tap out, tap out. If she's like, not free for. She said she has a worker commitment, then you become bitter guy who's like, oh, she's. She said she has worked this. She said she's got a work event. Like, no, it's okay.

A (54:10)

Then you become someone with a TikTok account that's all about dating rules.

B (54:15)

Yes.

A (54:16)

Like, that's who you become. Like, those I sent you. I. I think I talked about this before. I sent you a TikTok of someone doing dating stuff. And I was like, look at how stupid this is. Look at how dumb this is. It was like, don't date a guy with drama. I don't even know what the that means. Everyone has drama.

B (54:35)

Neither do that.

A (54:36)

Are you talking about, like, again, the rule from this would be do not make a date with someone who takes three weeks to make it. But you even said Thanksgiving, work commitments. It all made sense until you got to the end. You pulled off a Scooby Doo mask and I don't want to date you. That's what it ended with. So there's no way to escape that. The real reason couldn't escape that. That's it. Yeah. And. And again, I read this and I see all good things. I. I know I sound like you. This guy's mom and dad keep doing these things. It's. You're being a gentleman. You did the right thing. But that's what he did, you know? And we're gonna make fun of you too.

B (55:21)

Exactly. So to play your own game. Tolerate. This is fine. This happens all the time. This could ha. This could be you.

A (55:30)

Yeah.

B (55:30)

You know, right? You.

A (55:31)

You're the one. Yeah, that's such a great point. Because the. For every person that you're like, why aren't they making the date? You're the One that going. They're trying to date.

B (55:42)

Right. Should I just go? I guess I could go. And I have absolutely nothing else to do. It's, it's mid January. Really, really got nothing going on.

A (55:53)

They said you're to open. What the.

B (55:58)

Yeah, it's, it sucks. And I think that's the heart. One of the hardest parts about dating is just like the, it's constantly, your ego is on like a roller coaster of getting its ups and get, Getting its downs. And it's a, you know, I, I, I empathize with that, but there's no, it's kind of like what you have to do to get through. You have to just take some of that. There's no way to. There's no rule for avoiding it.

A (56:20)

Right. And, and you're. They sign off. Modern dating Millennial. The older you get, the more annoying it gets because you've seen this before and you're like, I should have known. This is the 10th time. But, yeah, let it happen an 11th time. It'll be okay. Yeah, well, we saw it wasn't that bad.

B (56:35)

Yes, exactly.

A (56:36)

We did it. Okay. We did it. Jordana, Always a pledge. Happy New Year to you. Let me get another one in before the 5th. Happy New Year.

B (56:46)

The last one, right? Or no. Maybe you might, you might have another one. Yeah.

A (56:51)

Okay.

B (56:52)

Next week on. Oh, yeah, the fourth. Our Wednesday episode is on the 14th, so you can say it one more time. One more if you really need to. All right.

A (57:00)

All right.

B (57:01)

Bye. Boom.

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