Episode Summary:

Have you ever met someone who’s so impressive that you instantly think, “Yeah, I’m not doing enough with my life?” I feel that way when someone casually mentions they ran a marathon, baked fresh sourdough bread, and taught their toddler how to read, all before noon. That’s how a lot of us feel when we meet the Proverbs 31 woman. She’s the biblical overachiever who makes the rest of us want to hide behind our laundry piles.

She’s up before dawn, she’s running a business, she’s serving the community, she’s investing, she’s sewing clothes, meanwhile I’m celebrating if I remember to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer before they mildew. For years, she’s kind of intimidated us. She’s been quoted at women’s conferences, printed on coffee mugs, and held up as the gold standard for biblical womanhood. And somewhere along the way, many of us started to wonder: “Is this who I’m supposed to be? And if so, how?

But here’s the problem: we’ve read her as a checklist instead of a celebration. As a pressure instead of a poem. And what if—just go with me here---she’s not actually here to exhaust and shame us? What if she’s here to equip us? What if this isn’t a picture of a perfect woman doing everything flawlessly, but a picture of what God can grow in a woman over a lifetime?

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the Proverbs 31 woman, or maybe even avoided her, today’s conversation is for you. We’re talking about why she scares us, why she inspires us, and how to live out her wisdom without losing her mind. In recognition of International Women’s Day, today we’re going to be talking about How to Learn from the Proverbs 31 Woman Instead of Feeling Shame.

Quotables:

Today we’re diving into a passage that can make women everywhere either want to grab a journal and praise the Lord, or crawl into a closet and hide in shame. She’s the woman who wakes up before dawn, runs a business, takes care of her kids, feeds the poor, respects her husband, handles investments, sews clothes, and—apparently—never gets tired. Ever. In honor of International Women’s Day, we are going to discuss How to Learn from the Proverbs 31 Woman Instead of Feeling Shame.
The Proverbs 31 woman feels impossible. Like the spiritual version of a Pinterest mom mixed with a CEO and Mother Theresa. You read it and think, “I’m just trying to get my laundry out of the washer before it sours and she’s over here buying fields and planting vineyards. Not to mention she’s up before dawn. I don’t even want to be up before I’ve had my coffee.
For many women, this passage has been used as a check list. A measuring stick. A pressure cooker. We’ve heard sermons that sound like: “Real women do all of this, all of the time, and with a smile.” And most of us end up feeling like we’re failing at biblical womanhood. So, part of the reason we resist her is because we’ve misunderstood her. We’ve made her into a standard we’re supposed to copy, instead of a picture of wisdom lived out in a variety of ways.
Here’s the twist about the Proverbs 31 woman. She’s actually incredibly inspiring because this passage isn’t about perfection. It’s a portrait of character, not a job description. Her life is rooted in the fear of the Lord. That’s the anchor and the heart of the whole poem.
She’s strong. She’s compassionate. She’s wise. She’s resourceful. She’s dignified. She laughs at the future, which means she’s walking in confidence, not anxiety. The fear of the Lord—honoring him above all else, understanding his place as ruler in her life—creates a confident woman.
There’s something else to consider. Proverbs 31:10-31 was written as a celebration. This isn’t God laying out the requirements for biblical womanhood. This is a husband bragging on his wife and a mother teaching her son what to value in a woman.
One of the most helpful things for me was realizing this passage is an acrostic poem. Every verse starts with a different letter of the Hebrew alphabet. It’s basically the “A to Z of a Wise Woman.” It’s poetic, not literal. No one woman is doing or can do all these things at once. It’s describing a lifetime of faithfulness. Not a single day of the week.
Shame is a tactic the enemy uses, and we fall for it so easily, especially when we make success, approval, or accumulating things our motivation. Our value doesn’t come from productivity or perfection. It comes from intimacy with God. If we start there, everything else flows from our relationship with him.

Scripture References:

Proverbs 31:29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

Recommended Resources:

Reframing Rejection: How Looking Through a Different Lens Changes Everything By Jessica Van Roekel
Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win
Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Rev. Jessica Van Roekel:

Website / Instagram / Facebook

Connect with Dr. Bengtson:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

Co-Host:

Jessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Ashton Bengtson

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