Episode Summary:

We all need to work a little harder at resting in contentment… realizing that sometimes marriage is a spectator sport. In a culture that encourages us to find our own happiness, fulfill self, give in to what brings us pleasure, lasting relationships must take a different approach. True selflessness is a reflection of God’s character.

Although recent polls seem to indicate an equal divorce rate between Christians and non-believers, this is not exactly true. People who identify as Christians but rarely attend church have a 60% divorce rate while those who attend church regularly, just 38% have been divorced.

It is easy to get caught up in the tyranny of the urgent and forget the very ingredients that build a healthy marriage. Join me with Nina Roesner as we discuss the role of unconditional respect in a healthy marriage.

Quotables from the episode:

Most people have heard the idea that women need love and men need respect, but in reality, don't we all need a combination of both?
Yes. I think the Bible uses that language to communicate very specifically to husbands and wives about some very specific stuff.
All relationships have challenges but the best ones surmount the hard times, allow these times to build the relationship instead of destroy it, and learn from one another.
Do you respect yourself and others in your relationship through your communication? And I think we need to respect everybody and I think that's a loving thing to do. That's the key. It affects our communication and we can develop resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness over those little things that then stack up and they morph into a life of their own until one day the straw breaks and our spouses left going, "That was not a big deal. You could have just said put your cup in the dishwasher. But the truth is it's built up resentment over time because we don't communicate over the little things until they become a big thing.
We do take things personally and it seems maybe I'm wrong but it just seems like over the past decade we're more quick to take offense over things that really don't need to be offended over all you have to do is turn to social media and see how quickly people are offended. If anyone had a right to be offended, it was Jesus. And yet he modeled for us good communication, forgiveness, love, and respect.
The idea that men need respect is not just part of some formula but an aspect of the gender differences. Men are wired to protect and provide, and knowing they are appreciated is one of the primary ingredients in lasting marriages.
When we get our identity from the Lord, then we're able to appreciate the strengths that God gave us and then bring forth those strengths in the relationship in a way that we weren't before. We are actually useful in that relationship in a way that deeply impacts everything. But so often we buy the lives of the culture and we go down these paths of thinking we're worthless or we're not valued and you know people treat us this way so it reinforces it or we're looking for that because if you have a belief like that you're gonna find it everywhere. But when we really have a solid identity in Christ and I don't pretend I'd be fully there, but I'm so much more there than I used to be. It doesn't matter what people say or do.
On a biological level, God designed this so well, because your brain chemistry changes when you forgive. The other thing is, is it's a humbling activity that puts us in the proper alignment with the Lord because we don't have the right to harbor unforgiveness. We're not judge and jury over this other person, and by the way Christ already paid for that. So who do we think we are? Excuse me, the seat on the throne has been taken. get off, right? So, when we forgive, it's like the brain chemistry changes and we're able to then have a clean slate here.
God uses pain in our lives to mold and shape us. Pain is the biblical path to growth.
It’s not just the church itself that’s the key to a successful marriage; it’s all aspects of faith—prayer, Bible study, gratitude, God-awareness.
It is easy to get caught up in the tyranny of the urgent and forget the very ingredients that build a healthy marriage.
According to recent studies, being a committed, faithful believer makes a measurable difference in marriage.

Recommended Resources:

The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband by Nina Roesner
Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year and the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Christian Living and Non-Fiction categories
Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Devotional category, the 2023 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian Writer’s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award’s Reader’s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.)
Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win
Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Henri and Reader’s Choice Award
Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Nina Roesner:

Website / Facebook / Instagram

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

Guest:

Nina Roesner is the author of The Respect Dare and With All Due Respect. She serves as the executive director of Greater Impact Ministries. She has more than 20 years in the communications and training industry and has coached church staffs, pastors, executives, and managers. She and her husband, and their three children, live near Cincinnati.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Ashton Bengtson

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The Role of Unconditional Respect in a Healthy Marriage