
Hosted by Jane McFadden · EN

You've spent more time on drop-offs, pickups and meetings this week than your kid has spent actually learning.You keep telling yourself the routine is good for them. They come home flat anyway.You can see it isn't working. You just can't picture what else looks like.So you stay on the fence. Another term. Another meeting. Another 11pm google.What we coverWhy most homeschoolers in Australia didn't plan to homeschool — and what 'accidental homeschooling' actually meansThe two competing fears keeping you stuck — and which one usually wins in the endWhat 'enough is enough' really looks like (it's rarely one big moment — it's bankruptcy logic: slow, then very fast)What a homeschool day actually looks like when you're not running school-at-homeThe legal stuff schools won't tell you — you don't need their permissionWhy $50k a year still doesn't fix this, and what you might actually be paying forHow to take a term off without making a forever decisionWhy bullying gets reframed as 'resilience-building' at school but is illegal at workWhy this episode mattersThe fence is the hardest place to live. Most parents sit there longer than the kid can afford. Rebecca has spoken to hundreds of families about why they finally jumped — and the answer isn't 'they were ready.' It's that the fear of staying finally outweighed the fear of leaving. This episode names the decision underneath the decision, and hands you a permission slip you probably didn't know existed.This episode is for you ifYou've tried two schools, maybe three, and nothing's stuckThe meetings have started to outnumber the actual learningYou keep saying 'maybe next term' and next term keeps not comingYou're more scared of Uncle Ned's questions at Christmas than you'd like to admitPart of you knows it isn't working, and part of you can't picture what else looks likeYou've already googled 'homeschooling Queensland' at 11pm and closed the tabFor more about Dr. Rebecca Englishhttps://www.qut.edu.au/about/our-people/academic-profiles/r.englishJane's Related EpisodesS1 EP63 — The Episode That Led Jane to Choose Homeschooling (Nicki Farrell, Wildlings) 👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/63-episode-that-led-jane-to-choose-homeschooling/S2 EP7 — Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problems (Emma Rose Parsons, Spectrum House) 👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-raising-strong-children-how-to-support-without-always-solving-their-problems/S2 EP33 — Autistic Burnout: Self-Awareness Part 2 (Jane solo) 👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-33-preventing-autistic-burnout-practical-tips-for-neurodivergent-mums-and-their-children/S3 EP20 — SCHOOL SERIES: How to Choose a School That Won't Break Your Kid (or You) — Millie Carr https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-20-how-to-choose-a-school-that-wont-break-your-kid-or-you/📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:Choosing the Right Schoolhttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/The School Complaint & Escalation Guide for Parentshttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:When School Looks Fine But Isn’t Understanding Burnout, Masking & School Can’tMaking School Work: A Parent’s Guide to Neurodivergent Kids and the SystemSchool Advocacy Hub of Resourceshttps://adhdmums.com.au/advocacy/📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

If your child looks ‘fine’ at school… but falls apart the second they get home —this episode is for you.🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:What masking really looks like in a classroom settingWhy ‘they’re fine at school’ can be deeply misleadingThe invisible work happening before the school day even startsWhy internalising kids are often missed entirelyWhat it costs to ‘look like you’re coping’ all dayWhy asking a child to self-advocate isn’t always realisticHow anxiety builds when expectations aren’t predictableThe difference between behaviour you can see… and effort you can’tWhy some kids nod, smile… and completely miss instructionsWhat actually reduces stress in the classroom (and what doesn’t)💭 This episode is for you if:Your child holds it together at school but unravels at homeYou’ve been told ‘we’re not seeing that here’Your child doesn’t speak up when they’re strugglingYou can see the effort they’re putting in — even if others can’tyou’re trying to explain your child to the school and not being heardYou feel stuck between what you see… and what they report📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:The School Complaint & Escalation Guide for Parentshttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:When School Looks Fine But Isn’t Understanding Burnout, Masking & School Can’tMaking School Work: A Parent’s Guide to Neurodivergent Kids and the SystemSchool Advocacy Hub of Resourceshttps://adhdmums.com.au/advocacy/📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

If you’ve ever sat in a school meetinghearing what’s ‘expected’…and thought‘this feels like too much… too early’ —this episode is for you.Because sometimes it’s not subtle.It’s that quiet moment where something doesn’t sit right…but you’re told it’s normal.In this episode, we unpack what’s really happening when school expectations keep creeping up — academically, behaviourally, socially — and why so many kids are being asked to meet standards that don’t actually match where they are.💭 This episode is for you if:– You’ve thought ‘this feels too much for their age’– Your child is struggling, but you know they’re capable– You’ve been told ‘this is just how school is now’– Your child is falling behind quickly and can’t catch up– You’re noticing stress, resistance, or shutdown around school– You’re questioning whether the system is actually the issue🎧 Related EpisodesWhen School Becomes the Trauma – School Serieshttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/s2-ep2-school-series-when-school-becomes-the-trauma-what-no-one-tells-adhd-parents/Here’s the part most people don’t say out loud:If it feels too big…too fast…too much…that doesn’t automatically meanyour child is the problem.Sometimes it meansthe expectations have movedand no one stoppedto checkwho they were leaving behind.For more about Dr. Rebecca Englishhttps://www.qut.edu.au/about/our-people/academic-profiles/r.english📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:The School Choice Kithttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/The School Complaint & Escalation Guide for Parentshttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:Making School Work – Parent Guide ($20)https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/School Advocacy Hub of Resourceshttps://adhdmums.com.au/advocacy/📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

If you’ve ever said‘can we just talk about something?’and it escalatesbefore you’ve even said the thing —this episode is for you.Because it’s not the conversationthat’s blowing up.It’s what happensin the seconds before it even starts. In this episode, we unpack that exact moment — the one where you’re trying to keep it calm, keep it small, keep it ‘not a big deal’…and somehow it still turns into tension, shutdown, or a full spiral.The urgency you feel to resolve it.The resistance you feel coming back.And how quickly that turns into‘why do I make things like this?’🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:Why ‘can we talk?’ can trigger a reaction before anything is saidWhat’s actually happening when one person moves in and the other pulls awayThe demand-withdraw pattern (and why it escalates so fast)Why urgency to resolve something doesn’t land as ‘small’ to the other personHow unfinished conversations sit in your body all dayWhy it feels impossible to just ‘leave it’What happens when both people are trying to regulate — in opposite waysHow effort builds with zero progress (and why that feels so heavy)Why this quickly turns into ‘I’m too much’ or ‘I make things hard’The difference between a communication problem… and a timing collision💭 This episode is for you if:You feel a strong need to resolve things straight awayYou struggle to leave conversations unfinishedYou’ve been told ‘not right now’ and felt it land hardYou replay conversations that never even really happenedYou feel responsible for fixing the tension in relationshipsYou’ve thought ‘why do I make things escalate?’🎁 Free Resource ADHD Self-Testhttps://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/If you’ve ever wondered‘why does this feel so intense for me?’this is a helpful place to start.🎧 Related EpisodesWhy You Keep Waking at 3am — And It’s Not Just Anxietyhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-26-why-you-keep-waking-at-3am-and-its-not-just-anxiety/Why You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Insteadhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-insteWhy Self-Care Feels Like Another Taskhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-quick-reset-why-self-care-feels-like-another-fcking-task/

If you’ve ever stepped away for five minutes…come back…and everything has already escalated —this episode is for you.Because it’s not just the moment.It’s the feeling that if you’re not there…it doesn’t hold.And somehowyou’ve become the thingthat keeps everything from tipping over.In this episode, we unpack the invisible role so many ADHD mums carry — the one where you’re not just part of the family… you’re the one holding it together.The one who reads the room.Softens the tone.Finds the compromise.And slowly realises…nothing really runs without you.🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:What emotional labour actually looks like inside a familyHow you become the ‘regulation’ in the room without realising itWhy things escalate faster when you step away (and what that creates)The difference between helping… and holding the entire system togetherHow hypervigilance turns into a full-time roleWhy your nervous system never fully switches offWhat happens when everyone starts relying on you to stabilise thingsThe hidden cost of always stepping in ‘because you can’Why burnout here isn’t about one moment — it’s repetitionHow this shifts from a behaviour… into an identity💭 This episode is for you if:You feel like you can’t fully leave, even when you leaveThings escalate quickly when you’re not thereYou’re the one who smooths, translates, and fixesYou feel responsible for how everyone interactsYou’re exhausted, but can’t explain exactly whyYou’ve wondered ‘am I too much… or just too involved?’🎁 Free Resource ADHD Self-Testhttps://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/If you’ve ever thought‘why does everything seem to land on me?’this is a helpful place to start.🎧 Related EpisodesToo Exhausted to Be the Parent You Want to Behttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/too-exhausted-to-be-the-parent-you-want-to-beWhy You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Insteadhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-insteWhen You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiethttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/Why Self-Care Feels Like Another Taskhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-quick-reset-why-self-care-feels-like-another-fcking-task/📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

In this episode, we unpack the invisible load of trying to do something simple inside a day that won’t hold it. The interruptions, the split attention, the constant restarting — and how quickly that gets turned into ‘I’m the problem.’From the outside, it looks like nothing happened.But inside it?You were doing that one taskover and over again.🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:Why ‘simple tasks’ don’t stay simple in real lifeWhat constant interruptions actually do to your brainHow restarting a task repeatedly drains more than doing it onceWhy your brain doesn’t register effort — only completionThe invisible load of managing kids, conflict, and tasks at the same timeWhat happens when attention keeps getting split before anything finishesWhy it feels like ‘I did nothing today’ when you were actually working all dayHow small tasks turn into identity stories like ‘I can’t follow through’The difference between a task not getting done… and never having the conditions to be doneWhy school holidays amplify this pattern💭 This episode is for you if:You start the same task multiple times and never finish itYou feel exhausted but can’t point to what you actually completedYou’ve thought ‘this shouldn’t be this hard’You manage kids, tasks, and emotions all at onceYou feel like you’re constantly behind, even on small thingsYou’ve labelled yourself as disorganised or bad at follow-through🎁 Free Resource ADHD Self-Testhttps://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/🎧 Related EpisodesToo Exhausted to Be the Parent You Want to Behttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/too-exhausted-to-be-the-parent-you-want-to-beWhy You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Insteadhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-inste📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

In this episode, we unpack the very real (and very common) experience of showing up already stretched… masking it with humour… and then internalising the entire thing as a personality flaw.The jokes land.People laugh.It looks like you’re coping.But underneath it — something else is happening.🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:What’s actually happening when you default to self-deprecating humourWhy ‘being funny about it’ can be a form of real-time regulationHow overwhelm gets rewritten as ‘this is just who I am’The hidden role of impression management in social situationsWhy you leave interactions replaying everything you saidWhat ‘cognitive downplaying’ looks like in everyday lifeHow overcommitment + pressure turns into identity, not contextWhy nothing changes when you minimise what’s actually too muchThe moment it shifts from ‘this doesn’t work for me’ to ‘I am the problem’What it looks like to move the pressure off you — and back onto the situation💭 This episode is for you if:You make jokes when you’re actually overwhelmedYou leave social situations thinking ‘I did it again’You overcommit, then feel trapped in itYou replay what you said and cringe laterYou’ve labelled yourself as ‘too much’, ‘chaotic’, or ‘bad at follow-through’You feel like you have to manage how others see you🎁 Free Resource ADHD Self-Testhttps://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/If you’ve ever thought‘is this just my personality… or something else?’this is a helpful place to start.🎧 Related EpisodesNo, I Can’t Meditate. I’m Too Busy Dissociatinghttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-47-quick-reset-no-i-cant-meditate-im-too-busy-disassociating/Why You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Insteadhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-inste.📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

If you’ve ever left a group chatreplaying everything you said…and everything you didn’t…and somehow landed on‘that felt off… was that me?’this episode is for you.Because this isn’t just about group chats.Or school committees.Or awkward conversations that go nowhere.It’s about what happens when everyone in the roomis solving a different problem…and no one realises it.In this episode, we unpack the kind of interaction that looks normal on the surface — calm, polite, ‘reasonable’ — but leaves you carrying it for hours (or days). The replaying, the second-guessing, the quiet shift into ‘I must have handled that wrong.’And why that feeling doesn’t mean what you think it means.🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:Why some conversations go in circles and never actually resolveWhat’s really happening when everyone sounds ‘right’ but nothing landsHow different brains track completely different things in the same conversationWhy tension builds even when no one is being openly confrontationalThe moment a conversation stops being about the topic — and becomes about identityWhy you leave interactions with a version of yourself you didn’t walk in withHow group chats split into side conversations (and why that regulates people)The hidden role of fairness, meaning, effort, and threat in communicationWhy your brain keeps replaying it later — even when it’s ‘over’What it actually means when something feels ‘off’ (and why that matters)💭 This episode is for you if:You replay conversations long after they’ve finishedYou leave group chats feeling uncomfortable but can’t explain whyYou’ve thought ‘did I make that worse?’You pick up on tension that others seem to missYou feel responsible for smoothing things over (even when you didn’t start it)You carry interactions into your night, your drive, your quiet moments🎁 Free Resource ADHD Self-Testhttps://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/If you’ve ever wondered‘Why do I experience conversations like this?’this is a helpful starting point.🎧 Related EpisodesWhy You Keep Waking at 3am — And It’s Not Just Anxietyhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-26-why-you-keep-waking-at-3am-and-its-not-just-anxiety/Why You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Insteadhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-insteToo Exhausted to Be the Parent You Want to Behttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/too-exhausted-to-be-the-parent-you-want-to-be

If you’ve removed the pressure…stepped back…even taken a break…and you still feel on edge — this episode is for you.Because this is the part no one explains.When nothing is ‘wrong’ anymore…but your body is still acting like it is.In this episode, we unpack what happens when stress isn’t the thing driving your anxiety — and why removing the load doesn’t always create relief. If you’ve ever wondered ‘is this just who I am?’ this conversation will shift how you see it.🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:What it means when anxiety doesn’t go away after removing pressureWhy ‘just rest’ doesn’t work for everyoneThe moment you realise it’s not the situation — it’s the patternHow your nervous system can run rules that don’t match your current lifeThe difference between stress-based overwhelm and pattern-based overwhelmWhy unclear expectations quietly keep you in a constant state of alertWhat ‘predictive patterns’ look like in real life (and why they stick)Why insight alone doesn’t change how your body respondsWhat actually helps your system settle — and why it’s not what you think💭 This episode is for you if:You’ve reduced stress but still feel constantly ‘on’You’ve wondered ‘why am I like this?’Rest doesn’t seem to touch the feeling in your bodyYou feel worse when things are quiet, not betterYou carry a constant mental load even when nothing urgent is happeningYou feel immediate relief when things are clearly defined🎁 Free Resource ADHD Self-Testhttps://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/If you’re sitting in that space of‘is this anxiety… or something else?’this is the clearest place to start.🎧 Related EpisodesCONFESSIONS: Things I Can’t Say at the Playgroundhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-55-confessions-things-i-cant-say-at-the-playground/Camouflaging ADHD & Autistic Traits in Girls (with Millie Carr)https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/replay-s1-episode-41-camouflaging-adhd-autistic-traits-in-girls-with-millie-carr-re-release/📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

There’s a moment when you realise it’s not just a ‘bad term’ at school.It’s mornings that feel impossible.A child who won’t go.Or can’t go.And suddenly the question changes from'how do we fix this?'to'where do we go now?'WHAT WE COVER– What actually happens when mainstream school stops working– Why some children aren’t ‘failing school’ — the system is failing them– The reality of alternative education (and the myths that scare parents)– Why behaviour often looks worse before safety is built– What smaller, relationship-based learning environments do differently– How to know if an alternative pathway might be right for your child– Why some kids return to mainstream — and some never shouldWHY THIS EPISODE MATTERSThere’s a gap no one talks about.Between‘just try another school’and‘we can’t do this anymore’And most parents fall straight into itwith no map.This episode gives you language for that momentand shows you what actually exists on the other side.WHAT ALTERNATIVE EDUCATION ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKENot a ‘last resort’.Not a room full of ‘problem kids’.But often:– smaller class sizes– built-in sensory supports (not earned, not restricted)– flexible timetables– relationship-first teaching– success measured beyond academicsWhere safety comes before complianceand connection comes before curriculum.WHAT PARENTS OFTEN DON’T GET TOLDAlternative settings aren’t easier.They’re different.– Enrolment is often selective and thorough– Not every child is the right fit for every setting– There are waitlists– And options are limited depending on locationBut when it worksit can completely change a child’s trajectory.THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF– Your child is anxious, refusing, or shutting down at school– You’ve tried multiple schools and nothing is improving– You’ve been told ‘this is just how school is’– You’re wondering if there are other pathways– You’re scared of making the wrong call🎧 RELATED EPISODESWhen School Becomes the Trauma – School Serieshttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/s2-ep2-school-series-when-school-becomes-the-trauma-what-no-one-tells-adhd-parents/The Great Gaslighting: When Schools Say ‘We Don’t See It’https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-school-series-the-great-gaslighting-when-schools-say-we-dont-see-it/Camouflaging ADHD & Autistic Traits in Girls (with Millie Carr)https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/replay-s1-episode-41-camouflaging-adhd-autistic-traits-in-girls-with-millie-carr-re-release/📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:The School Complaint & Escalation Guide for Parentshttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/Quiet Exclusion Kithttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/quiet-exclusion-kit/School Advocacy Hub of Resourceshttps://adhdmums.com.au/advocacy/📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast