Podcast
This Spiritual Fix
Hosted by Kristina Wiltsee & Anna Stromquist · EN
What meditation works for you? What is it like to do tantra? How do you best communicate with a loved one? Kristina Wiltsee & Anna Stromquist are two best friends on a quest to try all things spiritual in order to attain enlightenment -- or just stay sane while juggling a lot on their plates. Their internationally recognized podcast hits close to home for many people who are struggling for peace amidst the pain of trauma, emotional wounds, and neurodivergent brains. As we uncover deeper layers of ourselves, they teach, with humor, that there is nothing to fix - just more of us to love.
Season Themes:
Season 1: The Primal Wounds (Abandonment, Rejection, Betrayal, Injustice, & Humiliation)
Season 2: The Drama Triangle (The Inner & Outer Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim)
Season 3: First Chakra (Relationships & Sexuality & The Mother Wound)
Season 4: Second Chakra (Integration of the Multidimensional Self & The Father Wound)
Season 5: Third Chakra (Growing Up and the Money Wound)
Season 6: Fourth Chakra (Primal Wounds Revisited, Villains & Karma Yoga)
www.thisspiritualfix.com
20episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
7.21 Season Finale: Inner Villains, Anchor & Drift, and the End of Victimhood
Feb 1000:51:10Tap to summarizeIn this season finale, Kristina and Anna reflect on a pivotal personal update, then bring the Inner Villain framework full circle. The conversation weaves lived experience, healthcare advocacy, boundaries, emotional embodiment, and spiritual bypassing into a practical, grounded close to the season.This episode is about changing the script. Not by bypassing reality, but by meeting it honestly.Opening Update. Surgery, Uncertainty, and Narrative ChoiceKristina shares an update on a planned surgical biopsy that ultimately could not proceed. Rather than framing this as loss or avoidance, she explores how preparing for surgery moved a deeper story forward. Fear of death, fear of leaving family, and inherited narratives were confronted directly.Key themes:Reconciling with uncertaintyHow preparation itself can be transformationalChoosing meaning without denialLetting go of the need for visible “proof” of healingHealthcare Reality. Advocacy and Systemic Blind SpotsThe conversation shifts into a candid discussion about healthcare systems, fallibility, and the importance of self-advocacy.Highlights include:Why patients must advocate for themselvesThe power of asking providers to document refusalsGendered dismissal in medical settingsInsurance denial as a systemic issue, not a personal failureThis section grounds the episode firmly in lived reality before returning to psychological and spiritual frameworks.Control vs Illusion. Anchor and DriftAnna revisits a core distinction from earlier episodes: control-based villains versus illusion-based villains, reframed as Anchor and Drift.Key insight:Anchors grow through joy, movement, and emotional flowDrifts grow through responsibility, structure, and self-anchoringThis reframing avoids gendered language while clarifying relational dynamics across work, parenting, money, and intimacy.The 12 Steps as Villain WorkThe discussion explores how 12-step frameworks function as deep transformational tools within the Inner Villain system.Key points:Surrender as medicine for controlResponsibility as medicine for illusionWhy hybrid villains often benefit from bothAddiction, avoidance, and invisibility as shared rootsObedient Critic. Control in Everyday LifeBoth hosts share personal examples of how the Obedient Critic shows up in domestic life, hosting, and expectations.Topics include:Silent rules and unspoken standardsJudgment versus communicationHumor as a bridge away from controlLearning to state needs without shame or superiorityVengeful Martyr. Boundaries and BurnoutThe conversation turns to over-giving, over-servicing, and emotional exhaustion.Key themes:How silencing needs creates resentmentWhy boundaries are emotional, not intellectualAnger as an early boundary signalBoredom as a late-stage warning signBoundaries as other people’s growth edgesBoth hosts share work-related examples where firmer boundaries led to more sustainable energy and better outcomes.Invisible Destroyer (The Nothing). Spiritual Bypass and EmbodimentThis section explores how spirituality and busyness can become tools for avoidance.Key insights:Toxic positivity as emotional suppressionRegulation mistaken for constant calmBusyness as grief avoidanceActivity as bypass versus activity as embodimentThe difference between thinking emotions and feeling themKristina speaks to slowing down as a path to embodiment, while Anna highlights movement and physical activation as her gateway to emotional truth.Hero Energy. Becoming EmbodiedThe episode closes by naming the hero of the Invisible Destroyer: the Embodied.Practices discussed:Slowing down to feel rather than interpretLetting emotions unfold without reframingMoving the body to access grief, anger, and joyStaying present without transcending the human experienceSeason Reflection and ClosingThe hosts reflect on the impact of the Inner Villain work over the season and the relief of stepping out of victim and villain identities altogether.The season ends not with answers, but with better questions.And with permission to be human.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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7.20 Self Determinism versus Your Script - Can You Shift Your Story?
Jan 2701:04:34Tap to summarizeStories run us, until we can see them. In this episode, Kristina and Anna unpack how “the subconscious” is less a black box and more an ecology of repeating narratives. They move from storytelling tropes (plot armor, fish-out-of-water) into a bigger claim. Our inner villains are story structures, and healing is stewardship, not erasure. Along the way, they explore ancestral threads, family patterning, and a practical way to step out of the script mid-scene.Key TopicsWhy common storytelling tropes feel manipulative once you can “see the scaffolding”Plot armor, fish-out-of-water, and how character arcs predict what “can” happen in a storyThe idea that the subconscious is knowable, because it’s made of stories, not mysteryA working hypothesis: the nine Inner Villains are nine recurring story structures in human lifeStewardship vs elimination. You don’t delete the story, you change how it plays outAncestral patterning, embodiment, and what it means to carry a lineage thread without becoming itHow relationship dynamics can become “setups” that keep a villain role alive (the trash-day example)Sankhara, craving, aversion. As story addiction, not just “bad habits”Choosing an arc intentionally. Using attention as the lever for behavioral changeA simple exercise: identify what chapter you’re in, then choose a different next pageNotable Moments and Quotes (short excerpts)“The subconscious is not unknowable.”“We are taught we are just the tree, not the root system.”“Trauma is not the beginning of something. It’s the middle of something.”“You’re not that character anymore.”“I’m sick of choosing the same page.”Practical Takeaways1) Name the script while you’re in itWhen you hear yourself saying lines you’ve said a hundred times, pause and label it: “Oh, this is that story.”2) Swap “fixing” for “stewarding”Ask: “What would the easier version of this lesson look like?” Not “How do I eliminate this forever?”3) Find the setupIf a conflict repeats like clockwork, assume there’s a hidden payoff. Example: being the savior, being righteous, being indispensable.4) Use attention as your control leverBehavior is mostly automatic. Attention is the steering wheel. Practice moving attention on purpose.5) Try the chapter exercise“This is the chapter where I’m angry.”“This is the chapter where I make a plan.”“This is the chapter where the protagonist stops performing the old role.”Suggested Listener Reflection PromptsWhat story do I keep reenacting because it gives me an identity?Where do I get to be the savior, the martyr, or the judge?What would it look like to let consequences happen without drama?If I’m not trying to “win” this scene, what choice becomes available?Which arc am I unintentionally feeding with my attention right now?MentionedDelaney Rowe (comedian, Instagram) for character trope satireGame of Thrones as an example of subverting plot armorFallout as fish-out-of-water worldbuildingThe Pitt (HBO) as fish-out-of-water workplace introductionMurder at the End of the World (Brit Marling) as a female-led “sleuth” archetypeRichard Powers, The Overstory and the root network metaphorAboriginal Australian songlines and ancestral story-carryingAinslie MacLeod (past-life framing and “you’re not in that story anymore”)Drama Triangle vs Empowerment Triangle (reframing roles and choice)Listener HomeworkPick one recurring conflict this week.Name the story.Identify your role.Choose one small inversion. A different tone, a different action, or no action at all.Notice what becomes possible when you refuse the old script.Call to ActionIf this episode hit you, send Kristina and Anna a note with:The story you’re realizing you live inside, andThe one choice you want to practice to steward it differently.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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7.19 Finding your Inner Hero AKA Retrograding Villains
Dec 3000:52:30Tap to summarizeRetrograding VillainsRevisiting the Medicine of Each Inner VillainIn this episode, Kristina and Anna step back and do something essential. They revisit every Inner Villain, not to re-explain the theory, but to clarify the medicine. What actually helps. What works in real life. What moves someone out of being stuck.This conversation reframes villain work as inversion, retrograde, and polarity shifts. Nothing to purge. Nothing to fix. Just learning how to move differently with what already exists.Stuckness is the real enemy. Movement is the cure.Core ThemeRetrograding a Villain means changing the spin, not erasing the trait.Every villain contains intelligence. When that intelligence freezes, it becomes destructive. When inverted, it becomes power.This episode walks through each villain with:A grounded overviewThe Hero form (the inversion)The Legend form (integrated mastery)Practical, lived examples of medicineVillain-by-Villain Breakdown1. Obedient CriticCore wound: Belonging, hierarchy, credentialsHero: The AnarchistLegend: The EqualizerMedicine:Break inherited hierarchies without trying to destroy everyone elsePlay consciously with power dynamics instead of submitting to themPractice lowering yourself in hierarchies you secretly worshipPractical example:Deliberately stop being “the competent one.” Let others rise. Let systems wobble. Watch what equalizes.2. Vengeful MartyrCore wound: AbandonmentHero: The Self-Possessed (Selfish, in the healthy sense)Legend: The NourisherMedicine:Use resources instead of martyringAsk for help without explaining or over-justifyingMake yourself obsolete on purposePractical examples:Pool childcare, money, laborOutsource tasks you secretly hoardStop being the only one who knows how things workMartyrdom is not generosity. It is control disguised as virtue.3. Vain ControllerCore wound: Status, image, worthHero: The UnveiledLegend: The InventorMedicine:Reveal vulnerability without collapsingConfess judgment instead of acting it outUse resources to create, not to provePractical example:Say out loud what you are afraid of being seen as. Especially to the people you subtly judge.4. Eternal ChildCore wound: Entitlement, victimhood, arrested developmentHero: The ReflectiveLegend: The TravellerMedicine:Radical self-reflectionMoral inventoryRecognizing available choicesA key insight discussed through The Choice:Victimhood comes from believing you have no choice.Practical tools:Mirror workAsking “Where did I participate?”Listing real choices, not imagined constraints5. Evasive ExpertCore wound: Over-intellectualization, emotional suppressionHero: The PassionateLegend: The IntegratorMedicine:Somatic and kinesthetic practicesSlowing downHumor and playKey insight:If you’ve lost your sense of humor, you’re back in the villain.Embodiment tools:NatureLaughterSensation-based awarenessMoving before thinking6. Divisive ImmortalCore wound: Safety, loyalty, fear of deathHero: DeathLegend: The HealerMedicine:Direct confrontation with death and fearEgo deathExposure to impermanencePractical examples:Death meditationsRitual griefCultural practices that normalize deathAvoiding death creates rigidity. Facing it restores life.7. Hungry ShapeshifterCore wound: Attention, identity diffusion, timeHero: The PresentLegend: The FabricatorMedicine:Presence over performanceAttention returned to selfTime-based embodimentPractical tool:A Raja Yoga technique involving extremely slow head rotation to anchor awareness in the present moment.Identity stabilizes when attention stops scattering.8. Righteous BullyCore wound: Opinion, certainty, savior complexHero: The SurrenderedLegend: The ChannelerMedicine:Recognizing choiceLetting others leadReleasing the need to fixStrong opinions are not wisdom. Channeling replaces enforcing.9. Invisible DestroyerCore wound: Disembodiment, addiction, stagnationHero: The EmbodiedLegend: The ArchitectMedicine:Pleasure in the bodyStructure and containmentCreation after destructionPractical focus:Sensory pleasureNaturePassion projectsRoutine and structureBad luck often follows disengagement. Embodiment reverses it.Fusion Villains ExplainedSome villains are composites:Righteous Bully = Obedient Critic + Vengeful MartyrHungry Shapeshifter = Vain Controller + Eternal ChildInvisible Destroyer = Evasive Expert + Divisive ImmortalWhen stuck at a composite level, work downstream with its components.Final TakeawayNothing here is about becoming someone else.Retrograding a villain means:Changing directionRestoring movementLetting intelligence flow againYou don’t heal by erasing parts of yourself.You heal by letting them evolve.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Transcribe →7.18 Interview with Joy & Matt Kahn
Dec 1601:08:32Tap to summarizeYou can find more information here: https://www.mattandjoy.org/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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7.17 Communicating with The Villain, Part Two of Two
Dec 200:49:28Tap to summarizeHow to talk to the Vengeful Martyr, Evasive Expert, Divisive Immortal, Hungry Shapeshifter, Righteous Bully, and The NothingIn this second part of the “Communicating with Villains” series, Kristina and Anna get very practical about how to actually talk to people who are running these archetypes, including when you are the one in the villain seat.They move from real stories about teeth, genetics, and breast health into concrete language, strategies, and “do not do this” warnings for each villain.This is the “how to handle them in real life” episode.In this episodeKristina and Anna explore:How the Vengeful Martyr shows up in health, caregiving, and self neglectWhy dental and breast health can become a mirror for martyrdomThe role of Divisive Immortal catastrophizing in medical decisions and safetyHow to make choices that are logical, not fear based, even around cancer riskHow to actually talk to:Evasive ExpertDivisive ImmortalHungry ShapeshifterRighteous BullyThe Nothing / Invisible DestroyerThey also name the difference between doing “self work” on your villain and learning to stay in relationship with someone else’s.The Vengeful Martyr: health, teeth, and breast tissueAnna shares:How her “Vengeful Martyr era” lined up with sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, and her first major dental issuesThe realization that she invests in visible hygiene and beauty, while neglecting things no one sees, like gums, pap smears, and internal healthA concrete shift: flossing, water picking, changing dentists, and choosing a provider who does not shame herA genetic test that revealed increased risk for breast cancer and skin cancer, and her decision to act now rather than “martyr” herself by ignoring itWhy she is seriously considering prophylactic bilateral mastectomies as an act of self nourishment, not fearKristina reflects on:The symbolism of breasts as sources of nourishment and pleasure, and what it means to “retire” the functional side of them in order to care for the selfHow the Nourisher legend of the Vengeful Martyr is “drink while you pour,” and how that plays out in real bodies and real choicesThe overlap between Vengeful Martyr and Divisive Immortal when it comes to health, anxiety, and medical systemsDivisive Immortal: fear, loyalty, and catastropheThey unpack:How the Divisive Immortal can show up as catastrophizing doctors, shaming providers, and rigid ideas about safetyThe Enneagram 6 “loyal skeptic” flavor, and how loyalty plus fear becomes rigidityThe difference between making a logical preventive decision and making a fear based decisionHow two people can face the same medical risk but be activated in different villains, one in Vengeful Martyr, one in Divisive ImmortalCommunication tips for Divisive Immortal:Avoid “us versus them” language and triangulationEmphasize “you and me versus the problem”Reassure safety and solidaritySay things like:“I feel the fear you are feeling, and I understand it”“I am not your enemy, we are on the same team”“Our relationship is bigger than this argument”Evasive Expert: logic, avoidance, and emotional shutdownFor the Evasive Expert, Kristina and Anna cover:How they over rely on logic and under express emotion, or explode when emotion finally leaks outClassic tells: “I do not know how I feel,” or answering questions with cerebral analysisWhy approaching them with pure emotion makes them disappearCommunication tips for Evasive Expert:Lead with logic, not dramaPresent the impact as a logical chain: “A and B happened, which led to C and D, can you see why I might be upset”Use “logic puzzles” to pierce the emotional shellIn full blow up mode, give them time to process, then return with calm, structured reasoningHungry Shapeshifter: attention, performance, and multiplicityFor the Hungry Shapeshifter, they discuss:The need for attention, lightness, and performanceHow calling out their shifting identities can feel humiliating, not helpfulWhy dramatic outbursts are often releases, not always indicators of deep relational ruptureCommunication tips for Hungry Shapeshifter:Let them perform, be the audience rather than the critic in the momentNotice patterns over time, not just one dramatic sceneWhen they are calm and grounded, take them more seriously than in full performance modeInvite coherence by asking, “Which part of you feels most true right now”Righteous Bully: conviction, protection, and curiosityFor the Righteous Bully, Anna shares how working this arc has changed what even triggers her, and why things that used to set her off no longer land.They cover:The intensity and danger of the Righteous Bully when they have reached their limitHow they will burn things down to protect what they love or believe inThe shift from externalized bullying to internalized self criticismCommunication tips for Righteous Bully:Be deeply curious, not defensiveReflect their point of view back accurately so they feel heardUse permissive language:“Would you be open to hearing my perspective”“My love for you is bigger than this disagreement”Do not try to tell them they are wrong in the heat of the moment, it only adds fuelLater, you decide whether you want a Righteous Bully in your life, even a more integrated oneThe Nothing / Invisible Destroyer: avoidance, presence, and tiny actionsFor The Nothing, they highlight:Question deflection, disappearing into thought, and vanishing from shared spacesDeep sensitivity to rejection and criticismDifficulty taking action, even when they intellectually understand the issueCommunication tips for The Nothing:Name and value their presence: “It means so much just having you in the room with me”Invite tiny actions, “Can we take one small step toward this together”Use humor and embodiment practices to bring them back into their bodiesUse the compliment–criticism–compliment “sandwich” if feedback is neededWhen they disappear after a big top, lure them back with low pressure, body doubling, and no heavy processing at 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7.16 Communicating with the Villain, Part One of Two
Nov 1800:49:50Tap to summarizeThis episode continues the practical series on the Inner Villain system by breaking down how to communicate with each villain type. Kristina and Anna pull from real life, therapy, and relationship work to translate a complex shadow-work system into clear tools you can use with partners, friends, coworkers, and family.Before the communication section, the episode also covers:• Purpose vs meaning• Why your purpose isn’t defined by you• How creation works when it’s not about control• A new metaphor for the 9 Villains as phases in the lifecycle of a flowering plant• Why people “get stuck” in certain villain phases• What it means to grow in order vs out of orderEPISODE BREAKDOWN00:00 — Opening & Check-InKristina and Anna reconnect after a break from recording.They talk somatic healing, practical implementation struggles, and the tension between “etheric narrative work” and real-life applicability.05:00 — Purpose vs MeaningAnna shares insights from her Kabbalah class:• Meaning is personal interpretation.• Purpose is assigned externally (source, God, universe).• You don’t get to define your purpose. Others and life events reveal it.Kristina connects this to Viktor Frankl, creation without attachment, and Buckminster Fuller’s idea that purpose arrives at a perpendicular angle to your intentions.13:00 — BREAKTHROUGH DREAM: The 9 Villains as the Life Cycle of a Flowering PlantKristina shares a liminal-space dream that reframed the entire Villain System through the natural growth stages of a plant.A concise map:Obedient Critic — Seed. Rules, inherited limitations, instruction set.Vengeful Martyr — Cotyledon (baby leaves). Self-generated energy. Doing everything alone.Vain Controller — True leaves + root establishment. Channels, resources, trust.Eternal Child — Explosive growth, abundance, chaos.Evasive Expert — Balancing inputs. Regulating water/light.Divisive Immortal — Flowering. Death, risk, community, cross-pollination.Hungry Shapeshifter — Seed production. Creativity, potentiality.Righteous Bully — Seed release. Letting go. Not controlling outcomes.Invisible Destroyer — Desiccation / return to soil. Crone, surrender, dissolution.Use it to locate yourself. If you’re “stuck,” look at the developmental stage you skipped.41:53 — PRACTICAL SECTION: COMMUNICATING WITH EACH VILLAINThis is the part listeners asked for. Clear, real-world communication strategies, conflict prevention tools, and repair patterns for each villain.1. The Obedient Critic (OC)Rule-set oriented, easily offended, perfectionistic, rigid.Preventive strategies:• Exchange rule-sets explicitly. Ask: “What does X mean to you?”• Agree on shared relationship rules or a “contract.”• Avoid assuming your interpretation matches theirs.• Overshare context up front to avoid catastrophic misinterpretation.During conflict:• Use permissive, soft entry language: “Could we try…?” “Maybe we consider…?”• Validate their meaning first: “I see how in your world this means X.”• Never say “You’re wrong.” Reframe instead: “In my world, this means something different.”2. The Vengeful Martyr (VM)Energy-banker, does everything alone, keeps score, collapses into exhaustion.Preventive strategies:• Do not exploit their over-functioning.• Build real competence in the areas they normally shoulder alone.• Remove responsibility from them physically (take the kids out of the house, run point on meals, etc.).• Combine gratitude + competent action.During conflict / meltdown:• Open with: “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”• Listen. Don’t defend. Don’t reason.• Offer immediate relief from responsibility.• After they calm: reduce the systemic over-responsibility that created the blowup.3. The Vain Controller (VC)Status-driven, work-driven, image-driven, terrified of betrayal.Preventive strategies:• Avoid competition or one-upping.• Celebrate small vulnerability when they offer it.• Keep your promises. No exceptions.• Reward their hard work in tangible, visible ways.During conflict:• Acknowledge the breach directly: “I recognize I broke a promise here.”• Use “I will work harder” language.• Outline concrete steps you will take to restore trust.• Don’t joke about their insecurities. They will not take it well.4. The Eternal Child (EC)Dream-logic, confabulation, entitlement, dramatic swings.Preventive strategies:• Set clear expectations + consequences. Consistency matters more than anything.• Bring in practicality without shaming their dream-side:“I love your vision. Let’s anchor it with two practical steps.”• Give them structure, timelines, and follow-through.During conflict / tantrum:• Do not debate their story. It won’t land.• Provide grounding: “I’m here. I’m not abandoning you.”• Hold consistent consequences afterward.• If they escalate to destructive behavior: remove yourself and hold the boundary firmly.ClosingNext week: Part 3, continuing through the remaining villains (Evasive Expert → Invisible Destroyer) with more scripts, tools, and examples.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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7.15 Healing the Villains: Reflections on the Evasive Expert, Righteous Bully, & Obedient Critic
Nov 401:09:14Tap to summarizeKristina and Anna unpack how the Inner Villain system shows up in everyday life: time blindness, rule-set clashes, obsessive “fixing,” and the loneliness of divide-and-conquer living. Kristina shares how mold, town history, and nervous-system patterns mirrored the Evasive Expert arc—and the practical “FUNNY” framework she and Luke use to slow down, reconnect, and shift out of overthinking. Anna explores the Righteous Bully, Obedient Critic, Nothing (Invisible Destroyer), and Eternal Child dynamics in relationships, with concrete tools for timing difficult conversations. Together they sketch common pairings between villains, why some arcs magnetize each other, and how to convert shadow patterns into serviceable strengths.Chapter Markers00:00 Checking in: ego death, gratitude as daily practice02:23 Why the Villain work feels more useful than “primal wounds” alone04:58 Anti-heroes and arcs: we’re rarely pinnacle villains for long05:58 What is time blindness and how it strains relationships08:49 Calendar blindness vs time blindness09:58 Time for mortals: insights from Four Thousand Weeks (Oliver Burkeman)11:58 Estimation traps, executive function, and project-management “laws”13:58 Tools: timers, delayed conversations, and tech to protect relationships15:00 The Evasive Expert must slow down: decompression blocks and focus holds16:48 Safety, protection, and the urge to “fix it now”18:00 Cities, homes, couples as arcs; mapping a house as Evasive Expert21:45 Diagnostic combos: how 7-8-9 become “advanced” villains24:50 Obedient Critic rabbit holes and living by rule sets27:15 Laws of nature over personal rules; the Law of Procession31:40 Case study: two Obedient Critics and the family rule set clash33:50 Couples and houses as Villain ecosystems39:00 The FUNNY framework to invert the Evasive Expert44:10 Golden Hour: shared effort to reduce isolation50:10 Righteous Bully with the Nothing: common pairing patterns54:15 Other frequent pairings and why they happen58:40 Meme break: naming the villains with humor1:03:10 Working with parts: IFS, deconditioning, and flipping subtypes1:06:15 Homework and next episode: communicating with each villainKey Concepts & ToolsTime Blindness vs Calendar BlindnessTime blindness: difficulty perceiving passing minutes and sequencing tasks.Calendar blindness: difficulty tracking dates, planning horizons, and overlaps.Villain Arcs (selected)Obedient Critic (OC): lives by rigid rule sets; seeks correction and order. Legend: Equalizer.Vengeful Martyr (VM): over-gives to earn belonging; nourishes, then resents.Eternal Child (EC): entitled to care; toggles anxious/avoidant; covert romantic.Righteous Bully (RB): fusion of VM + OC; imposes “right” for safety and control.Evasive Expert (EE): over-intellectualizes, compartmentalizes; feelings drive from underground.Invisible Destroyer / The Nothing (ID): EE + Divisive Immortal; withdrawal, disappearance.Hungry Shapeshifter (HS): attention-seeking blend of Vain Controller + Eternal Child.Common Pairings (why they attract)RB + ID (Nothing): control/pursuit meets withdrawal; each amplifies the other.VM + EC: Wendy and Peter; nourishment meets eternal dependency.EE + Divisive Immortal: logic and safety bind; loyalty sustains low intimacy.HS + ID/EE: performance pairs with a quieter partner who recedes.Practical ToolsTimers & Alarms: outsource time perception to protect relationships.Deferred Conflict Scheduling: drop a calendar note to discuss when regulated.Decompression Blocks: 15-minute buffers after sessions to downshift.Golden Hour: whole-family or couple co-work on one project to restore “together energy.”Framework: FUNNY (to invert the Evasive Expert)F — Free: create time and space to slow down.U — United: do unpleasant tasks together; reduce divide-and-conquer loneliness.N — Nuanced: reject all-or-nothing; find middle paths.N — Natural: return to body signals and instinct, not just cognition.Y — You: keep it personal and present; ask, “Is this funny?” as a shorthand check.Quotes“You don’t save your kid from pain. You help them become the leader of their own system.”“The Evasive Expert can’t think its way out. It has to slow down.”“Repetition isn’t punishment. It’s practice.”“Have a honey-driven life. Purpose arrives at 90 degrees.”References & MentionsOliver Burkeman, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for MortalsInternal Family Systems (IFS) for working with partsLaw of Procession (purpose arrives indirectly)Loki (Marvel), Vision, Agatha as archetypal studies of time and shadowMarshall Thurber TedxTalk MelbourneTakeawaysIdentify whether your issue is time blindness, calendar blindness, or both. Choose tools accordingly.When you feel the urge to correct, schedule the talk instead. Protect the bond first.Map your home, town, or relationship as an arc. Ask what gift already emerged from the “problem.”Use FUNNY to invert overthinking into connection.Diagnose pair dynamics. If you are RB and your partner tends to Nothing, design pauses, gentle bids, and agreements around withdrawal and pursuit.HomeworkTake the Villain quiz: identify your primary arc and your partner’s.Try one decompression block today and one Golden Hour this week.Journal: Which rule sets are mine, which are borrowed, and which align with laws of nature.Next EpisodeHow to communicate with each villain type without escalating the spin.Episode CreditsHosts: Kristina Wiltsee and Anna StromquistSeries: Inner Villain, Inner RepairSEO Keywordstime blindness, calendar blindness, evasive expert, righteous bully, obedient critic, invisible destroyer, eternal child, inner villain system, IFS, Oliver Burkeman, four thousand weeks, relationship communication, nervous system regulationAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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7.14 Awareness of the Inner Villain - Reflections on the Vain Controller, Eternal Child, and Righteous Bully
Nov 300:59:32Tap to summarizeKristina and Anna explore three Inner Villains in practice—how they show up in real life, what their “medicine” looks like, and what integration can unlock. Stories include a cross-country “house tour” of legends, a vulnerable experiment with the Vain Controller, and a candid breakdown of Righteous Bully dynamics at home.Timestamps00:00 — Catch-up: Niagara River energy, moving into an RV, new podcast soft-launch, hosting 30 for Thanksgiving06:00 — Why this work hits differently when you start applying it07:00 — “Reversing the spin” and why we take gifts from each villain09:30 — The filter metaphor: turning life’s burn into clearer water10:30 — Vain Controller in the wild: image, status, resources, and vulnerability practice17:45 — Scarcity vs strategic generosity; non-transactional networking21:00 — The “villain houses” road trip: Inventor, Equalizer, Traveller, Nothing, Healer, Hungry Shapeshifter33:45 — Eternal Child patterns, enabling, and compassionate honesty39:20 — Righteous Bully 101, medicine, legend, and a domestic case study55:00 — When “surrendered” gets stuck, and stepping back into leadership57:00 — Take the Villain Quiz and next stepsVillain deep divesVain Controller (VC)Core patternSeeks safety through appearance, performance, and perceived success.Manages for resources and status; swings between vanity and vulnerable insecurity, and between scarcity control and trusting abundance.Legend: The InventorUses resources creatively, shares generously, and builds networks that multiply value.MedicineVulnerability and confession.Strategic generosity over transactional control.Practising trust that resources and relationships are renewable.Practices you can tryMicro-confession: when you feel the urge to posture or criticize, name the fear underneath to a safe person.Non-transactional gift: offer one connection, resource, or introduction this week with no ask attached.Audit your “appearance routines”: keep what is self-respecting, release what is fear-managing.Moments to listen forThe “snark, then confess” experiment, and what it revealed about fear of failure and being unlovable.The networking story that models non-transactional giving.Eternal Child (EC)Core patternEntitled to care, victim-armoring, denial, and story-bending to avoid responsibility.Draws disproportionate resources in the “drama triangle.”Legend: The TravellerExpands perspective through literal or metaphorical travel, meets life directly, and participates in fair exchange.MedicineCompassionate honesty and natural consequences.Replace enabling with clear agreements and accountability.Perspective-expansion experiences.Practices you can tryOne honest sentence: state the concrete impact of a behavior without softening the facts.Consequence alignment: stop padding timelines, covering, or reframing the truth.Perspective field-trip: choose an experience that expands empathy and scale.Moments to listen forThe “villain houses” tour and how a welcoming, playful home embodied the Traveller.How enabling keeps everyone living inside someone else’s “fake world,” and what shifted when honesty landed.Righteous Bully (RB)Core patternOpinion hardens into gospel, dissent becomes threat, and “correction” tips into character assassination.Gift hidden inside: raw leadership energy.Legend: The ChannelerHolds a strong point of view, listens deeply, integrates the wisdom of the group, and leads fairly.MedicineThe Surrendered: curiosity, humility, and shared problem-solving.Distinguish data, opinion, and impact.Repair through ownership rather than domination.Practices you can tryThree breaths, three questions: What am I assuming, what else could be true, what would repair look like.Tone check in the kitchen: correct the action, not the person.Leadership rep: where do I need to stop over-surrendering and actually lead.Moments to listen forThe vestibular case study: fury when sound advice wasn’t followed.The “jumpy house” story: how fear of a blow-up created the perfect storm, and what repair requires.Kristina’s flip-side: when over-surrendering blocked necessary leadership on IP and contracts.Key ideas and languageReversing the spin: Integration is not skipping villainy, it is harvesting its gifts and re-orienting them.The filter metaphor: Life’s burn leaves ash, charcoal, and heat; arranged well, they clarify the water of love.Non-transactional generosity: Strategic resourcing without ledgers grows real networks.Pull quotes“We’re not meant to be just heroes and legends. You take a gift back from being a villain.”“Compassion without honesty is enabling. Honesty without compassion is punishment.”“Leadership isn’t losing your opinion, it’s holding it while you listen.”Resources mentionedInner Villain Quiz — link in show notesArticles and videos on Vain Controller, Eternal Child, Righteous Bully — link in show notesThe Executive & The Mystic podcast — link in show notesTake it furtherTake the quiz, then pick one medicine practice above and run it for seven days.Journal prompt: Where am I managing for image or control instead of resource flow. Where am I enabling instead of telling the truth. Where am I correcting a person instead of a behavior.If you’re a leader, bring one of these frameworks into a team retro: What villain pattern did we slip into, and what medicine would rebalance us.Credits and housekeepingHosts: Kristina Wiltsee and AnnaRecorded: SeptemberTo share reflections or questions, reply to the newsletter or send a note to the show inbox.Light launch of Kristina’s new podcast, The Executive & The Mystic; more to come.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Transcribe →7.13 The Vengeful Martyr
Oct 700:24:30Tap to summarizeIn this episode of our Villain Series, Kris and Anna dive deep into the Vengeful Martyr archetype—the second villain in the Inner Villain Transformation System. Rooted in the abandonment wound, the Vengeful Martyr reveals what happens when giving turns into resentment, guilt, and destructive cycles of over-responsibility.Key Themes CoveredThe Vengeful Martyr in Archetypes & SystemsEnneagram Type 2 (The Helper)Human Design: Sacral CenterCore wound: AbandonmentThe second half of the codependent cycle, following the Obedient CriticCultural & Story ExamplesStar Wars: Anakin Skywalker’s descent into Darth VaderLes Misérables: Fantine’s self-destruction through over-givingThe Giving Tree: The ultimate cautionary tale of depletionThe Shadow FormsSuccessful Antagonist (The Banker): Keeps score, tallies good deeds, and expects repayment—often doing things no one asked for.Wounded Child (The Abandoned): Believes they must become indispensable to avoid being left again.Covert Form (The Apologetic): Withdraws into burnout, endlessly justifying rest but never truly allowing it.Villain PatternsGuilt-tripping as a primary tool of influenceOver-functioning to secure love or loyaltyCreating credit for actions others didn’t request, fueling resentmentAttachment patterns: anxious-leaning, often paired with avoidant partnersTransformation PathHero Form (The Selfish): Learning to establish boundaries, honor one’s own needs, and balance giving with receiving.Legend Form (The Nourisher): Giving from overflow instead of depletion; embodying the affirmation “I am enough”; allowing energy and abundance to flow in cycles of give and take.Modern IllustrationsAn “Am I the Asshole?” Reddit post on college funds, addiction, and guilt dynamics as a lens for the Vengeful Martyr.Real-life parallels of guilt-driven self-sacrifice and difficulty resting.Why It MattersThe Vengeful Martyr may appear as the glue of community, but unchecked, this archetype sacrifices itself to exhaustion, resentment, and martyrdom. By reclaiming self-worth and learning the art of healthy boundaries, the Vengeful Martyr transforms into the Nourisher—someone who sustains life and energy without losing themselves in the process.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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7.12 Villains, Mnemonics, and Shadow Work: Making Sense of the Inner Villain System
Sep 3000:55:02Tap to summarizeIn this follow-up conversation, Anna and Kristina return to the Inner Villain System with fresh reflections, funny tangents, and practical ways to work with the villains inside us. After weeks of editing and digesting the earlier episodes, Anna shares her need for a “mnemonic device” to keep all nine villains straight—leading to creative memory tricks that connect astrology, Icelandic elves, and even Peter Pan.Along the way, the discussion winds through fitness updates, cultural differences between the US and UK, Anthony Horowitz mysteries, and Anna’s humorous experiment of “playing stupid” as medicine for the Obedient Critic. Kristina dives into how direct vs. indirect shadow work parallels physical therapy techniques, and how each villain’s arc—from humiliation to abandonment, betrayal to immortality—offers a map toward becoming the Hero or Legend.Together they reveal:How mnemonic devices can simplify complex systems like astrology or the nine villains.Why culture differs from entertainment, and how this connects to villain work.The personal ways the Obedient Critic and Vengeful Martyr show up in daily life.Direct vs. indirect methods for working with villains, and how they mirror healing practices.Stories of humor, humility, and what happens when shadow work meets spilled milkshakes.If you’ve struggled to remember the villains or want practical tools to spot your own inner critic, martyr, or controller in action, this episode will help you laugh, reflect, and find new entry points into your own shadow work.Next up: The pair plan to explore the Vain Controller and the Eternal Child, including how these archetypes show up in dreams and daily life.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
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